Wednesday, November 18, 2009

This Week in Local News: Cockfighting Comes To Douglas County / Also: Developing Football News

Yesterday 118 gamecocks, 48 hens and three chicks were seized in Douglas County and two men were arrested on charges of cockfighting. The news was greeted with dismay by local "urban chicken" advocates and with glee by on-line talkbackers, who found the story ripe for the making of dick jokes.

What do the boys think?

"I guess I'm sort of surprised this sport has infiltrated such a liberal county, but down in Forttt Scottt it's just something we do on weekends in the back room of Rusty's Saloon. My own gamecock is called Little Chippie."

The LJ-World provides a picture of the cockfighting operation, which makes one wonder why it took people so long to wonder why these rednecks had a yard full of fighting chickens.


After five consecutive losses, it was inevitable that talk of firing Coach would surface. Players met yesterday with Athletics Director Lew Perk.ns to level serious charges of excessive "physical contact" against the "Phat" man (as he is affectionately known on those shirts we all bought at Joe College).

Should he stay, or should he go now?

Chip: "Five losses alone is enough to oust him. And should be shot like a broken-down horse."

Richard: "Let's toss S.lf out too after that near-loss to Memphis last night and start fresh."


Dr. C said...

I grew up assuming there was a secret cockfighting ring operating in my neighborhood. It was the only good explanation I could come up with for the shouting crowds out back of a local restaurant at night and the feathers blowing around the parking lot the next day.

At least it's not camel wrestling!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I knew that cockfighting ring was operating, too. I have certainly noticed numerous Vietnamese standing in groups-shouting in syncopation, tossing single dollar bills in the middle of the circle they've formed, smoking endless cigarettes and intermingling with Frank Reynolds only when a bet comes to the fore. I have also noticed in the news reports of a few unlucky--probably broke--Vietnamese that had the unfortunate fortune to bet their lives on Little Chippie in the ring and have consequently been shot to death in the smokey and dark basement of our nearest Irish Pub, main headquarters of all Vietnamese gambling rings.

Anonymous said...

When will we discuss stick rolls of quarters up Kip's ass until he burps out change like a slot machine!?

--My ideas are bound to catch on!