Today's LJ-World offers yet another of their recent pieces which emphasize the ever-evolving "relationship" between team leaders Cole Aldr.ch and Sherron Coll.ns, which contains this line:
"With each passing day, it continues to be difficult — if not impossible — for anybody to differentiate between the inseparable KU teammates/best buddies..." (LJ-World).
Richard: "Actually, if you can just remember that one of them is short and the other is freakishly tall, and that one of them is white and the other is black, it's really not that difficult to tell them apart."
The prior quote is followed by this statement from Aldr.ch regarding Coll.ns: "“It’s almost kind of like he’s the girlfriend and I’m the guy" (LJ-World).
Chip: "I think what he means to say is that Coll.ns is the 'bottom' in that relationship. Isn't that the proper terminology?"
Perhaps the most-read column in local journalism is not Tom Keeg.n's sports opinion pieces in the LJ-World or the boys' profound discussions of whether something is art or not on the LC, but the UDK's "Free For All," a celebration of free speech which prints random comments submitted by students so long as they are not slanderous (and sometimes even if they are).
On a recent evening at Quinton's, Cl.thier, a local poet, was holding court on how the "Free For All" served as a perfect illustration of society's "continual downward spiral into anti-intellectualism and moral decay," so we've decided to take a look at the ever-popular UDK feature, focusing on a single day's column (Mon. Nov. 2), to see what it truly reveals about Larryville's student population. Here are a few entries along with commentary from the boys:
"I quite enjoy my boyfriend's tonguery."
Richard: "At first glance, this could be taken as the remark of a drunken sorostitute, but a closer look suggests that it's more likely the blissful statement of a liberated woman enjoying orgasms for the first time after years of being dully drilled by shitfaced frat boys in the backs of SUV's. Notice her diction here: the 'quite enjoy' sounds like the speech of a lady who, to borrow a phrase from our old Quinton's compatriot Shawn, 'might well have attended a fine finishing school.' We should engrave this remark on a plaque and hang it up in the Women's Studies Department.
Chip: "I 'quite enjoy' the boner her comment gave me."
"When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice. But when the wicked bear the rule, the people mourn."
Richard: "This is Proverbs 29.2, or so my Google search told me. Quite likely this is someone repeating a phrase he/she learned in a Religious Studies course which may well shape their thinking for years to come."
Chip: "Is this a reference to the Obama administration? Great minds think alike. I'd like to party with this writer."
"Never let it be said that I'm not a nice guy. When I heard people next door having sex, I put on Marvin Gaye for them."
Richard: "This one is a touching illustration of the respect one learns in a college environment where students must learn to live in very close quarters with one another."
Chip: "When I hear neighbors having sex, I masturbate. Every single time."
"How pathetic is it that my Halloween festivities ended at ten, but I haven't taken off my costume yet because I know I won't have another excuse to rock my suit for a long time."
Chip: "It's VERY pathetic."
Richard: "There's a terrifying existentialism at work in many of the 'Free for All' comments that would make for an important dissertation topic for someone."
"What if weed was the fruit on the Tree of Knowledge?"
Richard: "Okay, so this one is just a stoned hippie. Weed is not a fruit, fuckhead!"