KU Football Recap / This Week in Panhandling News / Hipster Pick of the Day: C V L T S at Replay!

Luckily, the boys were passed out drunk long before last night's KU football massacre by the Wildcats, so they turned to LJ-World sports columnist Tom Keegan this morning to find out what happened. The answer: fat players.

"For the past eight seasons, Kansas University had a fat football coach. This season, the Jayhawks have too many fat players. So far, given the choice, I’ll take the fat coach. KU doesn’t look like a football team. Too many players have gained substantial weight since last season, and it’s not muscle-weight. They look so immobile. By halftime, they’re so gassed they walk into the locker room when other teams sprint."

Chip: "Exactly right. The players are fat gassy babies. And the coach stinks too."

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Downtown business owners are once again teaming up against local "panhandlers," according to today's LJ-World:

"Downtown Lawrence Inc., with some help from City Hall, plans to launch a new educational program designed to discourage downtown visitors from supporting panhandlers."

Richard: "This seems like a reasonable idea, since not everyone knows how to defend themselves against attack by railroad spike or cue-ball-in-Crown-Royal-bag."

The educational campaign will involve distribution of a card with tips on how to deal with panhandlers, such as " to “walk with confidence” on the city’s streets, and to “above all, please do not give directly to panhandlers. Data show that the money received from panhandling goes to alcohol, drugs and cigarettes — not to food and shelter.”

Our progressive readers: "Is this story a fucking joke? It sounds like a fucking joke? And not a funny one."

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Remember, not so long ago, when Dri's dub project Extra Classic was the hippest thing going, and you all packed the TapRoom to be hip with Dri? Well, somehow we have a feeling that the hippest of you will skip the Extra Classic gig at the Jackpot tonight in favor of the C V L T S show at the Replay. Based on our Twitter findings, the hippest of Larryville hipsters are totally digging the "trance/visual/minimalist" sound collages of C V L T S (we've already posted on them once, you may recall).

But don't take our word for it. Look at this review from a blog called Proverbs for Paranoids:

"Judging from their taste in mix-selection, [C V L T S] seem to be influenced equally by the Faltermeyer/Vangelis school of electrokosmiche and the acid-scarred Ferraro camp. Just watch this video to see what I mean: a glittery synth-collage detunes itself into a swampy, neo-gothic Popol Vuh type krautjam, including some kinda Catholic hymnal chant sample."

Chip: "I understand even less of that than I did of the Captain's Die Antwoord review yesterday."

See you at the Replay tonight, and here are some tips on enjoying the show:

1) Pretend to understand exactly what C V L T S is doing.

2) Pretend that C V L T S understands what they themselves are doing.

Go here to study up on "songs" like "Pizza Reality" and "Liquid Dinosaurs" before the show:

http://www.myspace.com/cvlts