But we'll nonetheless strive to keep you updated here as well on Larryville's best and most boner-inducing stories that deserve in-depth treatment of more than 140 characters, starting today with a story that's right out of Chip's wet dreams.
The boys have long imagined a day when one of their Quinton's waitresses would become a star. Admittedly, they were mostly thinking in terms of porn stars, but they'll settle for a reality TV-star as well. Lisa Morrisey served us beers many years ago at Q's, and tonight she'll make her debut as a contestant on The Bachelor. Let's turn to the interweb for some analysis of her chances on the show:
"Cute Lisa Morrisey, 24, of Ottawa, Kansas, pinpoints her greatest achievement to date as "Getting a college athletic scholarship for running track and cross country at the University of Kansas"...she loves going camping at the Walnut Valley Bluegrass Festival. We could totally see Brad doing that. The downside? She's another Twilight fan (read: unrealistic romantic expectations) and likes when a man takes charge on a date. "I love when someone just makes the decision and rolls with it." Brad is not known to be the most decisive guy, but he keeps insisting he's "a changed man." Maybe they'll click?"
Lisa is not the first local(ish) contestant to appear on reality shows--most recently, the boys found themselves strangely aroused by Peregrine Honig on Bravo's Work of Art--but she may prove to be the most high-profile.
Chip: "For me, this is the equivalent of the moon landing. Better, even, since I'd far rather go to Quinton's than to the moon."
The boys are hosting a special circle jerk (sorry, we meant "watch party") at Quinton's to celebrate tonight's debut of the new season. Join them if you like to root for Lisa.
After the Bubba Cunningham fiasco, KU managed to find someone with an even sillier name to fill the position of Athletics Director: Sheahon Zenger.
The LC welcomes him and looks forward to making many jokes about his name this year.
Richard: "It sounds like a cocktail. I wonder which enterprising bar will be the first to concoct one in his honor? Probably the Bird Dog at the Oread."
Chip: "It sounds like a sex act, as in 'I asked her to give me a Sheahon Zinger and she flatly refused.'"