Bachelor Coverage / Checking In With Style Scout

Hopefully the impending Class 3 Kill Storm doesn't knock out Larryville's electricity before tonight's episode of The Bachelor, because it promises to be a good one, in which Brad and the gals compete in "Nascar time-trials."

Chip: "Former Quinton's waitresses AND Nascar? Gentlemen, start your boners!"

Watch Lisa while you can, readers, because our sources suggest that her days are numbered on the show.

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A recent commenter bemoaned the lack of Style Scout coverage in recent weeks, so we're happy to oblige. Last week's subject, Jen Beck, works at Sunflower Outdoor and Bike Shop, dislikes "stocking caps designed to look like animals," and would like to see fewer "creepers" in town. Also, people say that Jen looks like "that Pomplamoose chick."

Chip: "Admittedly, I do sometimes gape at her through the windows at Sunflower while wearing a stocking cap designed to look like a duck, but I didn't realize I was being 'creepy.'"

We wonder what Jen thinks of the "creepers" who are discussing her on the LJ-World talkbacks, such as Kontum1972, who says: "yep,... you are pretty sweet and Drop-Dead Gorgeous...!"

Weekend Recap: Art and Kansas Day

Readers, it was an eventful day at the Free State Brewery Kansas Day Costume Contest yesterday. Chip's blackface performance of Langston Hughes' "The Negro Speaks of Rivers" brought a tear to many an eye (opinions vary as to WHY so many were crying). And Richard's impersonation of William Burroughs' got a round of applause as he shot a glass of Emancipation Pale off Chip's head. But sadly the award went to...well, we don't know, since nobody bothers to report this stuff, which is why we must resort to fiction. And while the aforementioned may not be true, the boys DID witness a dog catch on fire at an Eastside Kansas Day bonfire this weekend (relax, PETA, it was Lucky's own fault, and he wasn't injured, and there was plenty of snow nearby to put him out).

As for the Final Friday arts scene, we made both of our promised stops. BARRR's much-buzzed about ICANHASJAIL opening lived up to its hype, taking us frighteningly deep into the mind of J-Barr which, as it turns out, is a colorful place of "back-rub parties" and barbarian snowmen. We award the show four out of four PBR's (and maybe a "special" cookie). Down at Quinton's, the Q5 Gallery took over the upstairs area, though it didn't seem to attract the area's usual mix of half-naked sorostitutes, much to the boys' disappointment. Our Twitter-friend Leo, one of the gallery's artists, explained that the works were hung high to avoid jostling during the later-evening dance parties. Verdict: four out of four drinks at the ice-bar.

We Celebrate 150 Years of Kansas!

Sure, like most residents of Larryville, we spend 364 days of the year pretending like the rest of Kansas doesn't exist. But one day a year we're capable of setting aside our issues with all those ignorant, cornfed Republicans that reside outside Douglas County and celebrating Kansas in its entirety, from the Garden of Eden in Lucas to the gate of hell in Stull. This year's 150th birthday is certainly being acknowledged in Larryville (we've already showcased Free State Brewery's costume contest), but an article in today's LJ-World regarding the centennial celebrations of fifty years ago made us wish that Larryville had gone all out for the 150th:

"... many, many others talk about the beards that men all across Kansas grew to celebrate the state’s 100th birthday...An article in the Lawrence Journal-World proclaimed April 30 as the “last legal day” that men over 21 could shave in Kansas. Those who preferred not to grow whiskers had to purchase a $2 shaving permit button that was to be worn at all times in public. In June, 82 men competed in a contest at the Hotel Eldridge for longest, prettiest, most unique, ugliest, thickest and most colorful beards."

What a missed opportunity for this weekend. At the very least, we should have had a scenester mustache competition. Oh well. Enjoy your Kansas Day, readers, and we'll see you at Free State tomorrow. In the meantime, gaze upon these ancient scenesters and their mighty beards! Ralph Hoffman (top right) took home a well-deserved "prettiest" beard award. (thanks to the LJ-World for the photo, and to an LC reader for the tip on the photo).

Final Friday Preview: BARRR Goes to Jail and Quinton's Gets Artsy!

If you're a local scenester, tomorrow is all about art (and maybe the Zoom reunion at the TapRoom, if you're an aging scenester).

Buzz is building for BARRR's "ICANHASJAIL" show at the Invisible Hand Gallery.

Chip: "I have no idea what it means, but if it's half as funny as 'I Can Has Cheezburger' then I'm sold."

But let's look at the official description from the Facebook page:

"His first solo show BARRR: I CAN HAS JAIL reflects the insanity of a man in flux. BARRR shows the conviction & commitment of the "busiest man in Lawrence!!!" I CAN HAS JAIL is the definitive look inside the mind of BARRR. A manic collage of bravado, psychedelia, fatherhood, pop culture, anxiety, religion, insecurity, sex, rock n' roll, paranoia, hustling & ANGER! Manic depression has never looked so good."

Richard: "Shouldn't 'vulgarity' be included in that list too?"

Download the podcast preview at the following address (or click the direct link in our sidebar):

http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/icanhasjail/id393281425?i=90759362

BARRR's show is a given for tomorrow, but we also want to direct you to a place you may not necessarily associate with art: Quinton's. (The boys, however, have always thought of this venue as a viewing gallery of sorts, with our friend Z-Man once proclaiming that a certain waitress's ass could hang side by side with the Mona Lisa).

Q5 Gallery is currently stationed in the upstairs area at Quinton's (yes, right up there with the ice bar), and their opening tomorrow is (cleverly) titled "QuintEssential Art Show."

In addition to works by many artists (such as our Twitter-buddy Leo Hayden), the opening will also include a "Drink n Draw" from 4-10: "Collaboration piece with materials for all to contribute."

Chip: "I'm going to draw some tasteful nudes of my favorite waitresses."

Important Local Music News: The Hips / This Week in Local Safety

If you're a local scenester, prepare to spill your PBR all over yourself at this news from Rangelife Records:


"Kelly Hangauer from Fourth Of July is in a new project with Jeff Stolz from Drakkar Sauna - they're calling themselves "The Hips" and are debuting tracks off their coming cassette release on Thursday, Feb 3rd at the Taproom. Opening is brother Patrick and the electronic meditations of 1,000,000 Light Years."

Chip: "I love that there are so many cassette releases these days, since I've never had a CD player in my car."

One can only assume The Hips' sound will merge the pop-bliss of Fourth of July with the freak-folk of Drakkar Sauna, giving birth to the most important Tap Room event since Dri brought Extra Classic to town.

Head over to the Rangelife Records website for more news:

http://rangeliferecords.com/blog/

And while you're there, PLEASE watch the trailer for White Flight's "Children of the Night" video. Sadly, the first commenter beat us to the impressive Kenneth Anger and Jodorowsky comparisons we were hoping to make to impress you with our filmic knowledge. But you're still invited over for our screening of Jodorowsky's Santa Sangre on Blu-Ray, which was just released yesterday, as it happens.

Here's the address for the White Flight video: http://vimeo.com/18422993

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Good news for student ghetto residents: the oft-discussed construction of a well-lighted walkway "along the north side of 12th Street between Louisiana and Vermont streets" (UDK) is slated to begin as soon as the weather improves: "The path will be lined with antique-style light posts that have energy-saving LED light bulbs installed. The lights will be connected to motion sensors."

This should make it a little less likely that Mario Little will unexpectedly walk in and toss you into a sink.











http://vimeo.com/18422993

Looking Ahead to Kansas Day / The LJ-World Goes "Green" / Album Title of the Week

Sometimes Kansas Day comes and goes with barely an acknowledgement on the part of local citizens (except for our friends on the Eastside, who always host a party that centers around the singing of "Home on the Range" and, for some reason, the eating of sloppy joes). But this year's Kansas Day, which is Saturday, is going to be hard to ignore.

First off, Free State is hosting a costume party. Here's the official info:

"If you come to Free State on Saturday, you can be a part of our Kansas costume contest. Use your imagination - sunflower, box turtle, Amelia Earhart, Dorothy Gale, cottonwood tree, John Brown, Dennis Hopper, Gen. Eisenhower, Doc Brinkley, whatever Kansas reference you fancy. (Any live animals must remain outside.) We’ll post your photo on Facebook and the most popular costumer wins a dinner for two every month for 2011. We’ll have three additional winners, each good for dinner for two. We'll tally the number of "likes" for each photo to determine the winners."

Chip: "I'd love to dress as Langston Hughes, one of my favorite Larryville literary heroes, but I'm afraid that the necessary blackface component of the costume might be misunderstood by local progressives."

Then there's the fact that the KU/K-State match-up conveniently occurs in Larryville on that day and, in conjunction, something is happening at Liberty Hall involving a "see who's greener" contest involving the two cities (although we are currently unable to find a single piece of information online about this event or to remember what it's called).

Chip: "No matter, as I'm fairly certain that we are greener than those redneck fuckheads in Manhattan, who leave a trail of Skoal and Natty Lite cans in their wake."

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And speaking of being "green," the LJ-World is now offering a new on-line "green edition" of the paper:

"The new Green Edition is an electronic version of the newspaper as it appears in print. It gives readers complete control to zoom in on an article or an advertisement, navigate each section and even turn pages."

A subscription to the 'green edition' costs $8.10 per month.

Chip: "But is there anything I can get from the 'green edition' that I can't already get on-line for free?"

Richard: "Primarily a powerful feeling of self-satisfaction."

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Sure, the hippest of hipsters abandoned Iron and Wine as soon as the Garden State soundtrack thrust them into the mainstream, but perhaps the absolutely adorable title of their new album, out today, will lure a few of you back into the fold. It's called Kiss Each Other Clean.

Richard: "It sounds like a legendary, lost Transmittens album. I'm purchasing it immediately."







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Weekend Recap: The Streak Ends and KAWR Begins / Monday Bachelor Coverage

The talk of the town this weekend has obviously been KU's home loss to Texas on Saturday, snapping a remarkable 69 game home winning streak. Personally, if the streak had to end, we're pleased that it ended on such a sexy number, and know that it means nothing in the long term. But "a concerned blog fan" in our comments section is dismayed by the outrage of many local sports "fans" and offers these thoughts:

"I hope the weekend recap will mention the obsessive and myopic focus of KU hoops fans following our loss (as seen in the instantaneous need to blame someone--Morningstar--for the loss); for the latent denial that ensued (various articles focusing not on the game, but on the personal affairs of TRob and other avenues of complete detachment) and otherwise ambivalent avoidance of the subject (LJWorld has written a grand total of 5 paragraphs on the actual game. Right after the game its staff could muster no more than a few brief sentences)."

You said it better than we would have, reader, and we agree with you almost completely, except that Chip does stand by his theory that someone must be blamed for everything.

Chip: "I'm going with, in this order, Selby, Zenger (for some reason), and Coach Self. Remind me again why we hired Self?"

While most sports fans were still crying about the loss on Saturday evening, we shelled out ten bucks at Liberty Hall for the KAWR fundraiser, under the assumption that the price will GUARANTEE us a future show on Larryville's community radio station. Over the course of a few hours, we witnessed acts that gave us hope for the future of local music (Rachel Anderson and her red boots rocking a Smiths cover; the LateNight Callers' lead vocalist doing the coolest things we've witnessed with a megaphone since Dickie Crickets, the King of the Megaphone Crooners, on HBO's Mr. Show), and a little less hope for the future of local sketch comedy (Felt Show, your puppets are fantastic, but your jokes are...less fantastic). The crowd was sparse while we were there during the old folks' hours before 10:00, but we'll hope that the scenesters arrived in full force later for the Spook Lights' gig and the important cause of local radio (though we'll assume that most of them were down at the Rooftop Vigilantes' gig and never considered paying a whopping ten dollar cover at Liberty for something as unhip as a "variety show").

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Those who know the real "Chip" know that he's a long-time fan of Love Line With Dr. Drew, so tonight's episode of The Bachelor is a dream come true for him: not only does it contain a former Quinton's waitress but the episode's "group date" is a visit to Love Line. Rumor has it that Chip actually called in to Love Line when this episode was filmed, but we're not sure if his question will be included in the episode. Can you say "blowjob" on NBC during primetime?

Scenester Picks / Weekend Box Office

Aside from supporting a future community radio station, scenesters will probably want to attend the cassette-release party by Living Ghost at the Jackpot tonight. We've never heard of Living Ghost, but anything released on cassette is hip and we want it. And Saturday brings Rooftop Vigilantes to the Jackpot, opening for the Dead Girls. Make sure to ask the Girls about opening for KISS at the Sprint Center. They don't get tired of talking about it. Would you?

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Just when our Black Swan-boners were finally starting to subside, along comes Natalie Portman in a movie about a woman who likes to fuck a lot, non-romantically. It's original title was The Fuck Buddies, but it's been watered down for the masses as No Strings Attached, which sounds like a cookie-cutter rom-com and probably is, but should we shell out for the Portman-sex? Let's take a look at this excerpt from the AV Club's review:

"The film tantalizes its protagonists with the joys of sexual freedom for four or five montage-heavy minutes, then spends the rest of its runtime showing the loneliness and disappointment awaiting anyone not on their way to pairing off and chasing a happily ever after ending with the perfect someone."

Chip: "I'm going to duck out after that montage and slide into the auditorium next door in time to watch the Portman/Kunis scene of Black Swan again, and then I'm going to duck out and slip into Yogi Bear, because I enjoy films with 3D bears. "

Pop Culture Corner: MTV's Skins / Local Band of the Week: Latenight Callers

American remakes of popular British series never seem to go out of style. Syfy has recently begun airing its American take on Being Human, the story of a vampire, a werewolf, and a ghost who share an apartment together (Richard: "This is one of the single greatest ideas I've heard. I only wish they'd add a zombie, a Frankenstein's monster, and a mummy. But I suppose that might get implausible. Would there really be room for them all in the same apartment?"). And MTV is now airing its controversial American take on Skins, which examines high-school sex and drugs and has already been singled out by the Parents Television Council, who have now moved on from their outrage over sexy Glee pictures to declare: "'Skins' may well be the most dangerous television show for children that we have ever seen." Reportedly, MTV is worried that future episodes (particularly the third episode) may actually put them in danger of child pornography laws.

Chip: "If this show accidentally gives me a boner, will I be arrested, or won't I? I better stick with Jersey Shore."

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We've already showcased what's likely to be the weekend's most important event: the KAWR/community radio fundraiser this Saturday at Liberty Hall. But we want to further promote the Latenight Callers, slated to make their official Larryville debut at the benefit. Make sure to read the Pitch's profile about them (address below), which contains such attention-grabbing lines as:

"Combs met Nemeth when they bonded over their love of vintage scooters."

"...a band...has fashioned itself into a showcase of film-noir-referencing lounge motifs."

"Donning fedoras and vests, the men of the band keep the rhythm, supporting Berndsen and O'Hayer as they croon at the front of the stage in tightfitting, brightly colored dresses."

http://www.pitch.com/2010-12-16/music/latenight-callers/

If you STILL aren't sold, you're probably unhip, but we'll add one more thing: a photo from the band's noir-y photoshoot.

Chip: "Is 'noir-y' an acceptable adjective? It would probably help if I knew what 'noir' was."

















Check them out here: http://www.myspace.com/thelatenightcallers

Tattoo of the Week / A KC Scenester Party

Thanks to the Pitch for tipping us off to this story, which you've likely spotted on ESPN.com as well. It's the tale of Kat Steward, from Overland Park, who has a magnificent tattoo of all things Jayhawk basketball on her back.

Read the ESPN piece (and see a picture of Kat posing with Coach Self) here:

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/columns/story?columnist=forde_pat&id=6033038

Chip: "Admittedly, it's a fantastic tattoo, but a more honest one would include at least a small representation of a knife-fight, an elevator cockshow, or a good old-fashioned sink-shoving."

Click to enlarge.

















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You all know what a Larryville scenester party looks like, but does a KC scenester party look any different? A Pitch slideshow helps us answer that question. Click to enlarge the photo below from a Ssion gig in the Crossroads district and see if you can spot the primary differences. An answer key is below, and feel free to add your own observations to the comments.















1) Those are High-Life cans being hoisted, and while the Champagne of Beers, served in cans, is increasingly catching on in Larryville, we're still largely stuck in PBR-land.

2) In Larryville, cowboys are not often invited to scenester parties.

3) Larryville scenesters don't dance (now that NEON has ended its run).

This Week in Kansas News: Sam Brownback Fights Art / An Important Tip From An Anonymous Tipster

Like Mr. Show's Senator Tankerbell, Governor Brownback wishes he could be everywhere that people are "doing art," so that he could see it before the public and make sure that we aren't "titillated or aroused or in any way confused by the counterculture." Brownback's plan to phase out state tax funding for the arts has Larryville progressives up in arms, as we can see from this LJ-World talkback:

Swan_Diver says: "Kansans are about to get exactly what they deserve: a culturally-gutted wasteland, and a growing class of wealthy business interests stealing everything that's left in the public trough, with impunity. Meanwhile, the Gestapo will be well-nourished, and on the lookout for anyone with an education. Enjoy yourselves folks."

Chip: "Swan_Diver forgets that many Kansans not only deserve, but desire, a 'culturally-gutted wasteland' that will keep them from accidentally tripping over a piece of art on their daily rounds."

Booyalab takes a more hopeful approach: "I'm a fiscally conservative artist myself and I don't find this issue tough at all. Let's be honest. Publicly funded art stinks."

And then there's Smokie408, who finally plays the Hitler-card: "Sounds like your hero Hitler, he too did not understand art either."

Join the thought-provoking talkback here:

http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2011/jan/13/brownback-proposes-phasing-out-state-funding-kansa/?kansas_legislature

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Normally our Anonymous commenters only stop by to tell us how much we suck, but occasionally a wonderfully useful bit of info appears, such as yesterday's tip that both a roommate of Lisa Morrissey and another friend have blogs containing Bachelor coverage (Chip: "Thank you, Anonymous! This is one of the most thoughtful gifts I have received."). Make sure to visit the addresses below for a clip of Lisa performing some martial arts and a rundown of the exact times in the episodes where you can get your Lisa-fix:

Part 1:
2:16, 4:14-4:16, 18:29, 18:39-19:32, 20:00-20:05
Her first on camera interview: 21:04-21:09
Her preggers scene: 22:51-53, 23:10-11, 23:36-24:30
Pool Scene: 33:39, 33:57

Part 2:
Rose Ceremony: 29:57, 30:18-19, 30:44, 30:45, 30:50-30:57


Richard: "Her preggers scene? Hold on! What have I missed? Sure, I quit watching after the first week due to the lack of Lisa-coverage, but surely that no-good Bachelor hasn't gone and knocked her up already?"


Here are the blog addresses:

http://www.acandidlife.blogspot.com/

http://chasingdavies.blogspot.com/

Bachelor Coverage / Larryville Community Radio?

Episode 3 of The Bachelor airs tonight and our former Quinton's waitress, Lisa Morrissey, is still hanging around (though not getting much airtime). Tonight's episode promises a "rooftop pool party," so the boys are at least hoping for some bikini shots.

Here's a photo of Lisa chatting with Brad.

Chip: "Look at that hand-covering move. That's classic Lisa!"














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Sure, Larryville scenesters already have a local radio station, KJHK, which meets their scenester needs, such as "Breakfast for Beat Lovers" and "Mixtape Moonride." But the community at large is now poised to get its own community radio station, KAWR, which hopes to be broadcasting out of the Americana Music Academy on Mass. Street by June of next year:

"If somebody is 90 years old and they want to do an opera show, this is their chance to do it," [KAWR board member] Barry Lee says. "That's what's good about community radio — literally anybody can do it." (Pitchweekly).

We're certainly looking forward to a chance at bringing the Larryville Chronicles to the airwaves, complete with hiliarious "BOINGG!!" noises every time Chip gets a boner (which is often).

Fundraising begins in earnest this weekend with an event at Liberty Hall which features an early and late show of local acts. The late show includes scenester-approved acts such as The Felt Show (our second favorite, or maybe third, local puppet act) and The Spook Lights, as well as the Late Night Callers, a Larryville band making its official hometown debut after already establishing itself as a major KC scenester presence (they "occupy the electro-noir genre: a sexy blend of synths, reverb-heavy guitars and dancing bass riffs behind lusty female vocals."--Pitch).

You'll probably want to attend.

Weekend Art and Music Picks

On Fridays we get a little more serious and offer our take on where you should spend your scenester-time this weekend.

The Percolator has been sort of off our radar lately, but this weekend's opening, Celebrate People's History!: Posters of Resistance and Revolution, looks to be a good one. The exhibit will showcase: "50+ posters from the Celebrate People's History project (and now book), organized by Josh MacPhee of the Just Seeds artists' cooperative, that pay tribute to revolution, racial justice, women's rights, queer liberation, labor struggles, and creative activism and organizing."

Richard: "This event will also be a good occasion to talk about local acts of 'resistance and revolution,' the most important, of course, being the 'SHOUT PEACE' vandalism at the Oread Inn."

Chip: "Yes, and I have a feeling the culprit may well be in attendance and perhaps inspired enough by these posters to reveal him-or-herself. Look for me to finally make my long-promised citizen's arrest."

The opening is from 6:00-9:00 on Saturday, and here's a sneak preview (Chip: "Can't read a fucking word of it." Richard: "'Si Se Puede' is almost the Obama campaign slogan. Discuss.").






















On the music front, expect the usual scenester contigent to fill the Replay for tonight's Dactyls show. Opening the show is the mysterious Fartaster, which doesn't seem to have an interweb presence. Is anyone already hip enough to know about them? If so, please explain.

Aging hipsters might be better served tomorrow at the Jackpot, where Rock for Nerds night will feature The Harrisonics, The Shebangs, and The Eudoras, who seem to reunite pretty regularly, and always offer a surfin' good time. Also, one low price gets you two bands featuring Jon Harrison!

Checking In With Style Scout

We love when Style Scout helps us get to know local bartenders, such as today's subject Joe Scholtz. While it's not a particularly revealing Scout, we learn that Joe is into "giant dude sweaters" and willing to joke about his style: "Really cool...for the 90's."

The Scout fails to tell us which bar Joe works at, perhaps assuming (correctly) that we know already. First to name the bar in the comments wins a drink on Chip.

Joe's coat was thrifted in Brooklyn, which immediately makes it hipper than anything that can be thrifted in Larryville (click to enlarge).

This Week in Pop Culture: Dog Memoirs, Great Gatsby 3D, and Snooki's Novel

Today we take a break from Larryville and its bitter cold to examine recent aspects of pop culture that fascinate and trouble us. But first a reminder: remember that the city fathers have proclaimed that sidewalks MUST be shoveled by 8:00 a.m. tomorrow to avoid fines. After that, you are encouraged to rat out your neighbors. Personally, we love this policy, and you'll likely see us making the rounds tomorrow, turning in our enemies.

Three things are on our minds today.

1) A recent article tipped us off that the hottest trend in publishing right now may not be vampire or zombie tales but rather "dog memoirs," or "dogoirs," as the rising genre has been termed. Recent bestselling titles include Julie Klam's You Had Me at Woof: How Dogs Taught Me the Secrets of Happiness and Larry Levin's Oogy: The Dog Only a Family Could Love.

Richard: "I love dogoirs, but cat books can be nice as well. Remember Dewey: The Small-Town Library Cat Who Touched the World?"

Chip: "And speaking of cats, don't forget to vote for "Best Store Cat" in L.com's Best of Lawrence awards. I'm voting for the kitty at Dusty Bookshelf."

Richard: "That kitty has no chance. Obviously, the Love Garden cats will get the hipster vote."

2) News broke this week that Baz Luhrmann may direct a 3D version of The Great Gatsby.

Chip: "This is going to be amazing. Instead of 'receding before us,' the green light will totally pop right out into our faces at the end."

Richard: "I'll prefer this to Avatar."

3) Although Lisa Morrissey is still making the cut on The Bachelor, she's not getting any of that sweet Jersey Shore fame. The third season of MTV's huge hit premiered with record ratings last week. To keep in touch with pop culture, the boys have been making their way through Snooki's first novel, A Shore Thing (Chip: "Fantastic wordplay."). Our favorite sentence so far:

"Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."

This Week in Local Sports: The Controversial Return of Mario Little

Just a few weeks (and six games) after his suspension due to charges of battery, criminal trespassing, and criminal damage to property, Coach Self has okayed Mario Little's return after Mario received a "diversion agreement" on the case. How do the boys feel?

Chip: "Well, these are serious charges. I mean, it's not like our old friend Sherron Collins showing his johnson to a lady on an elevator, which I've always written off as youthful exuberance. But, at the same time, it IS conference season and Releford is injured. So I support the decision 100%."

Richard: "As do I. He just needs to learn to channel that impulse to shove women into sinks into sinking some buckets."

Coach Self is under fire in the LJ-World talkbacks from the always-vocal contingent that likes to rail about the corruption of the athletics department.

In case you've forgotten any former and present players' indiscretions, "That's Messed Up" provides a useful, if lengthy, reminder:

"Sherron Collins sexually assaulted a woman in an elevator 8 months prior to the national title season. KBI lab was "under renovation" so evidence didn't get processed. He should have never played that year. Duh-rell Arthur had his grades changed in high school-"not KU's fault". He should have never played that same season. Morris Twins get drunk freshman year and shoot up an elderly lady on campus with BB guns-"boys being boys no problem". Morris twins and Tyshawn "SmackYoMouth" Taylor beat up the football team and throw them down the stairs between classes then fight them again the next day. No big deal. Morningstar goes to prep school for 3 or 4 years then comes to play at the age of 22. Now he's like 25 with a DUI. He also hit Denis Clemente in the groin during the game against K-State but acted all innocent. Entire bench made racist comments toward Clemente during that game. Little beats girlfriend and others-good to go. Win-at-all-costs at KU. Always has been, always will be."

But a few other voices are defending Self's decision.

Big Al sarcastically asks: "What do some of you want Coach Self to do, shoot him? Hang him?"

Our feminist readers: "For starters."

Larryville Gets Disrespected / The Bachelor Coverage

Sure, Republican State Representative Anthony Brown of Eudora's critique of Larryville is last week's news, but the debate is ongoing in online talkbacks.

At an event in downtown Larryville, Brown asserted that "KU and Lawrence are not very well-respected" due to their extreme liberalism. The LJ-World reports:

"He said many people across the state see Lawrence as too liberal. Brown said he sees signs in local businesses that read "Free Republic of Lawrence. "That needs to change," he said."

Chip: "When you think about, it really isn't too much to ask for us to be a little less tolerant in keeping with the general mood of the state."

Let's check in with the talkbackers.

Dulcinea47 says: "I would like to see his evidence that KU & Lawrence are so disliked by the rest of the state. So far, all I see is a statement of his own opinion. I'm sure there are plenty of people who don't like Lawrence but I'm not sure it's an overwhelming opinion like this guy seems to think."

Chip: "Obviously, Dulcinea47 has never been to the town square in any number of southeast Kansas towns for their annual weekend chants of 'Gay-U! Gay-U!'"

Frightwig offers an interesting and kindhearted suggestion: "He's probably a decent guy deep down inside. His comments merely sound like that of a person who hasn't had much interaction with other cultures. I'm guessing that he lived his entire life in a small town, doesn't have a passport and still refers to Asian people as "Orientals". Rather than hate the guy, we should take the high road and help him. Can some of this town's friendliest hippies invite him over for dinner?"

And "tolawdjk" joins the many talkbackers who have decided that the best response to Brown's bashing of Larryville is to bash Eudora: "Wasn't Eudora where a black man was arrested for suspiciously mowing a yard?"


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Don't forget that tonight brings Episode 2 of the new season of The Bachelor, and hopefully we'll see a bit more of our former waitress Lisa Morrissey than we did last week. Here's an interweb teaser for tonight's show: "At the stressful and dramatic cocktail party, the drama erupts again as two women face off in a verbal battle for the ages. Brad attempts to comfort each woman in the middle of the snarling catfight..."

Our feminist readers: "Shameful. Whatever happened to reality shows that sought to empower women, such as The Cougar?"

Chip: "If I were allowed to write ad copy for this show, it would read as such: 'When the claws come out, some little black cocktail dresses are gonna get ripped wide open and boners across the nation are going to rise!'"

Weekend Music Guide

Some of you younger scenesters should drop by the Replay for tonight's "matinee" (6:00-9:00) and learn a few things from the older, wiser scenester crowd who will be in attendance for Cryin' Out Loud (featuring members of beloved, blast-from-the-past Larryville bands such as Micronotz, Ricky Dean Sinatra, and Get Smart). And perhaps some of you whippersnappers could enlighten the geezer crowd regarding current bands who tend to play long after the old folks are in bed. The locals are opening for the Velcro Lewis Group, described in this fashion on the interwebs: "Chicagos R&B rockers the Velcro Lewis Group are the band that the Eagles of Death Metal should aspire to be." Plus, they use an electric washboard. Count us in.

Also tonight: Dumptruck Butterlips take the stage at the Jazzhaus. We like their name, one of them is a skilled hula-hooper, and they tend to jam a lot at our friend Mick's house.

Saturday night: HipBilly is at the Bottleneck. Their name does not convince us they are hip, but we've been wrong about such things before.

Also Saturday night: The local music showcase StimPac 5 hits the Granada, featuring three stages. We've never attended and remain baffled at how the Granada can have three stages (main room, lounge, and ?), but the event is jampacked with bands, including a few scenester-approved names such as Burger Kingdom and recent Farmer's Ball winners The WillNots.

Lawrence Public Library Gets a New Logo / The Boys' Book Club is Back

The Larryville Public Library is getting major renovations and is now sporting a (strange) new logo to go along with its new look:

















"...library officials say [the logo] can be interpreted in a number of ways." (LJ-World)

Richard: "Yes. I see the red square as a play on "read," as in "I have read many books from the Lawrence Public Library." And the white circle is like an eye peering into the world of reading."

Chip: "When I see a circle in a wall, the first thing I think is 'glory hole.'"

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Speaking of reading, it was only a matter of time before more 'literary' novelists decided they might as well cash in on the craze for all things fanged and rake in some of that sweet, sweet vampire money. The Radleys, Matt Haig's new suburban vampire novel, has garnered him a spread in the New York Times Book Review:

"The element of this story that I found most moving, even more than the scary, thrilling, but by now familiar vampire stuff, was a wife’s betrayal of her husband... Here, Haig does justice to the effect of this betrayal on the souls of his characters — the startling pleasure and the lasting woe — proving himself a novelist of considerable seriousness and talent."

Chip: "Haig knows that anything that a vampire does is more interesting than anything a human does, even if it's the same mundane stuff of every literary novel. I will read this book."

Richard: "Agreed. I'm taking the Updike out of my Suburban Lit course and substituting The Radleys."

This Week in Local News: A Strip Club Controversy

Zach Snyder, owner of North Larryville's Paradise Saloon, is hoping to expand his booby-empire to Jefferson County, just outside Meriden city limits, but the plan is being strongly opposed by residents who fear the club will be too close to two schools and a day care.

Richard: "No one is considering the needs of the strippers here. Imagine how convenient it would be for them to drop off their kids at that daycare on the way to a noon shift."

Chip: "The larger issue is getting lost. We need more strip clubs within Larryville's city limits. Let's keep that booby-money close to home. Why not pass an ordinance that allows for a nice downtown gentleman's club? As is, it's too dangerous to travel to North Larryville and too much of a hassle to board the Booby Bus and head way out to the Outhouse and their twenty-dollar cover. Perhaps a downtown gentleman's club could hire some hipster strippers and win over the demographic that normally prefers bands to boobs?"

The story made us wonder how business is going at the Paradise Saloon these days. Let's look at this review on Yelp from a former dancer:

"...they have employed undercover "customers" that go around and make sure that dancers don't charge any more than $10 per dance, which is fucking ridiculous because that $10 5 minute long dance is worth $40 in LA!...when I went back, it seemed like every girl had gained 10lbs, so I'd say the quality of the dances has gotten far worse in the past couple of months."

We're a little intrigued by this "undercover" employment opportunity, so perhaps you'll see us working there the next time you visit.

The Boys Watch The Bachelor / Spot That Scenester

If you're like the boys, you spend a lot of time around the watercooler discussing the results of the previous night's reality shows. The appearance of a former Quinton's waitress on The Bachelor has made this even more exciting, since we can now constantly expound on how many beers she served us back in the day.

Lisa Morrisey made a memorable, if corny, entrance on the show last night, dressed in a pair of ruby-red slippers and quoting The Wizard of Oz in connection to her Kansas roots. "There's no place like home," she said, following it up with a seductive line to the bachelor about how she hoped to take him home to meet her parents.

Chip: "When I was an eligible bachelor hanging out at Quinton's, she never made any such bold overtures toward me."

After her entrance, Lisa mostly faded into the background for the rest of the show, surviving the first round of ten cuts but not appearing prominently in teasers for the coming weeks. Website critics have pronounced her "a touch too tan." We predict her appearance on the show, like her days at Quinton's, will be short-lived but destined to be fondly remembered in our hearts and boners for years to come.

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A. Rusc.n was on the scene at the Murder By Death show at the Granada on New Year's Eve and her Party Pics are up at Lawrence.com. We're especially fond of this scenester, posing with a PBR. Identify him and win a beer.

A Quinton's Waitress Becomes a Star / KU Gets a New Athletics Director (For Real This Time)

Welcome back, readers. We plan to broadcast a little more intermittently in 2011, since much of our important work has shifted to the immediacy of Twitter these days: follow us there at www.twitter.com/larryvillelife

But we'll nonetheless strive to keep you updated here as well on Larryville's best and most boner-inducing stories that deserve in-depth treatment of more than 140 characters, starting today with a story that's right out of Chip's wet dreams.

The boys have long imagined a day when one of their Quinton's waitresses would become a star. Admittedly, they were mostly thinking in terms of porn stars, but they'll settle for a reality TV-star as well. Lisa Morrisey served us beers many years ago at Q's, and tonight she'll make her debut as a contestant on The Bachelor. Let's turn to the interweb for some analysis of her chances on the show:

"Cute Lisa Morrisey, 24, of Ottawa, Kansas, pinpoints her greatest achievement to date as "Getting a college athletic scholarship for running track and cross country at the University of Kansas"...she loves going camping at the Walnut Valley Bluegrass Festival. We could totally see Brad doing that. The downside? She's another Twilight fan (read: unrealistic romantic expectations) and likes when a man takes charge on a date. "I love when someone just makes the decision and rolls with it." Brad is not known to be the most decisive guy, but he keeps insisting he's "a changed man." Maybe they'll click?"

Lisa is not the first local(ish) contestant to appear on reality shows--most recently, the boys found themselves strangely aroused by Peregrine Honig on Bravo's Work of Art--but she may prove to be the most high-profile.

Chip: "For me, this is the equivalent of the moon landing. Better, even, since I'd far rather go to Quinton's than to the moon."

The boys are hosting a special circle jerk (sorry, we meant "watch party") at Quinton's to celebrate tonight's debut of the new season. Join them if you like to root for Lisa.




















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After the Bubba Cunningham fiasco, KU managed to find someone with an even sillier name to fill the position of Athletics Director: Sheahon Zenger.

The LC welcomes him and looks forward to making many jokes about his name this year.

Richard: "It sounds like a cocktail. I wonder which enterprising bar will be the first to concoct one in his honor? Probably the Bird Dog at the Oread."

Chip: "It sounds like a sex act, as in 'I asked her to give me a Sheahon Zinger and she flatly refused.'"