Although the plan is garnering support from the Eastside, we nonetheless predict a vocal contingent will organize some sort of "Keep Dillons Dirty" campaign in the coming weeks.
Richard: "Well, there IS something truly charming about the funky odors and lingering threat of menace that accompanies any trip to Ghetto Dillons. I hate to lose that."
And what does Chip, who has recently found himself living a life of domestic bliss in the area, think about the new store?
Chip: "I look forward to a more hygienic shopping experience. And also to the fact that it will have a Starbucks. Prepare to be gentrified, townies!"
Readers, did you attend the Guy Fawkes' Night celebration last night outside the legendary former meth lab way out on 15th street near The Outhouse? (the property is now wholesomely owned by local raconteur Bob Coffman). If you didn't, you're not as hip as we are. Yes, our friend King Tosser, local Britwit, presided over a celebration of the foiling of the "Gunpowder Plot" in which, keeping with tradition, we torched an effigy symbolizing our greatest threats to the state (considering this week's local elections, many in attendance no doubt pictured Sam Brownback).
Chip: "Wait, this shit sounds made up."
Richard: "Nope, it was all recorded for prosperity."
We're sometimes discouraged by the lack of pure rock and roll debauchery in Larryville (aside from maybe the Vigilantes on peak nights), so we're currently reading the bestselling new Keith Richards' autobiography to get our fill of such mischief. We'll be sharing a few of our favorite passages with you over the coming weeks, starting with this one:
"This was the tour of the giant inflatable cock. It came rising up from the stage as Mick sang 'Starfucker.' It was great was the cock...".