Thursday, February 18, 2010

This Week in Local Crime / Style Scout

Yesterday's top news story was a massive (and mysterious) police raid on a residence at 1706 N. 1500 Road (yes, it's in East Lawrence). Despite constant reports from the LJ-World, however, very few facts are yet known about who was being raided or why. Luckily, we can rely on the on-line talkbackers for clarification.

The consensus seems to be that this is almost certainly "Scooter's house" and that the raid is likely due to dogfighting or meth labs (if not both).

The on-line forums can get a bit confusing, but luckily "OldEnuf2BYurDad" has stepped in to keep track of what all has been theorized at this point:

"Here's the score thus far:

- Drugs
- Dogs
- Guns
- Helicopters, vans and news trucks
- Deleted posts by the LJW
- Naked babies running around
- Possibility of a naked 18 year old running around
- A large pile of sh*t (reportedly: five tons)
- One potbellied pig
- Ex-cons
- Cons
- Old cars, some reportedly being used for visits to the parole office
- Suspicions regarding the handle "Scooter"
- Wood being chopped
- Baby chicks being petted
- Stolen goods
- Legal analyses from the informed and the uninformed
- Unsolicited testimonials regarding All Seasons Tree Removal's competitive pricing schedules and their quality of work
- Poor pothole maintenance
- Hippies naming their children according to the day's weather
- Communal living
- Statements regarding the high standards of living enjoyed by Amarr and Vangent employees
- Cousins
- Butchering of the English language
- Inconsistent use of common internet abbreviations
- Reminiscing about Richard Grissom (rot in hell) and Chris Bread (rest in peace)
- A dramatic escape from Wichita
- An accusation that "all of u have some dirty secret"


After a rather boring installment last week, Style Scout is back to its usual excellence this week with Katy Seib.l doing the Scouting (why can't she do the Scouting EVERY week?).

Loren Cressler, 22, was Scouted on his way to the recent Gov't Mule show (although he seems far too square and unstoned to be attending such a jammy concert). His fashion influences are "Robert Redford, especially in “The Sting,” and lumberjacks" and his favorite fashion trend is "when girls wear knee-high boots" (Richard and Chip: "Agreed."). He also enjoys beards but dislikes mustaches. His least favorite fashion trend is "excessive hipsterism" and he believes that people should "wear more ties" because "it's fun to be classy."

Chip: "I think I could be friends with this guy, but I wish he'd tuck his fucking shirt in."

Ladies, is he fashionable, or isn't he? (click to enlarge).


Capt. Chanute said...

Not fashionable. If he were cool, he'd be turning left into the Free State for a couple stellar pints, some banter with the locals and some waitress eye-raping. This guy is a pussy. On a side note, quite possible that he will be getting stoned INSIDE Liberty Hall during the concert amidst all the "extreme hipsterism" and noodling.

i prefer redford's legal eagles look! said...

I believe citing "excessive hipsterism" as your least favorite trend while also citing "Robert Redford in The Sting" as a fashion influence is either the height of irony or the height of hypocrisy. If it's the former, then Loren is quite the diabolical hipster. If it's the latter, I lament Loren's complete lack of self-awareness. God be with you, Loren (especially attempting to make your way through the world saddled with a girl's name).

kids these days said...

Oh, and I'm pretty sure Redford's character from The Sting would have pistol-whipped Loren to death for venturing out in those shoes while claiming him as a fashion influence. 5th grade called, Loren, and they demand their shoes back.

he secretly envies my mustache said...

Every hipster in town professes a distaste for "extreme hipsterism!"

Just embrace it, Loren! See you at the TapRoom.

Anonymous said...

In the world of petty criminals and small-time drug dealers, scooter is a true hipster.