Friday, February 5, 2010

This Week in K2 News / This Week in Local Crime / Fanboys Discuss Lost (A New Series at the LC)

Thursday was a bad day for Larryville hippies when local K2 supplier/herb shop Sacred Journey was "raided" by police and FDA officials who seized the currently-banned and soon-to-be illegal substance along with a bunch of other shit they thought might be dangerous (apparently the store is suspected of "selling salvia divinorum, a hallucinogen outlawed in the state in April 2008"--UDK). The owner of the shop was arrested.

Richard: "The 'man' just can't understand that some of us use salvia divinorum for medical reasons, such as when the world has us very bummed out and we need to feel that it's really full of beautiful dragons."


Just when you thought the crime wave was subsiding, along comes this shocking LJ-World headline:

"Lawrence man arrested after assault with meat thermometer."

Chip: "The article does not elucidate, but it seems certain that this man was a zombie, albeit probably some sort of Eastside foodie zombie who demands his victims be properly cooked."


Lost is back, as all geeks know, and fanboys continue to debate whether the show is the most elaborately complex drama in television history or simply a whole bunch of metaphysical hooey.

Let's check in with The Alienist, posting his theories on an AICN talkback:

"If we find out, somewhere that the "Cerberus" system was NOT the Smoke Monster..or somehow Dharma had made a deal with the Smoke Monster and that's what the Blast Door spoke of as Cerberus I will believe the Man in Black was there all along. If not....The Man in Black or the Man in Black as the Smoke Monster was a recent development. Though I do remember Clare's dream, her nightmare, where Locke's two sides were represented by his eyes being covered by a white and a black Backgammon piece. Which one could argue presages The Man In Black's using of Locke's Body."

Chip: "Okay, wait. Is this show about Johnny Cash? Because I thought it was just a desert island fantasy series for sexually frustrated pseudo-intellectuals?"


so does that make jacob the "man in white"? said...

Chip is right...the show is essentially a cross between Fantasy Island ("Dee plane! Dee plane!), The Twilight Zone, with a little X Files and Magnum P.I. thrown in for good measure. Those resting their existential hopes on the "answers" the show might unhappily part with at series' end are going to have the whole of their small, pathetic lives scattered irrevocably. I can't wait!

higgins said...

Which one is Magnum? Jack or Sawyer?

And is Kate hotter than Scully?

And don't forget to give a nod to Survivor, Lord of the Flies, and Blue Lagoon. Not to mention Twin Peaks.

"The owls are not what they seem."

Capt. Chanute said...

Unfortunate about the Herb Shop. I never got the pleasure of trying K2, but citing my recent tangos with other substances--easily-obtained, socially-acceptable, smoked by high schoolers and a non-priority for arresting officers--I think I got the point. Furthermore, I would like to relate my first encounter with salvia, too. This substance is under no heading in federal drug agendas, first off, and is used by Olmec shamans (shamen?) in southern Mexico for religious experiences. Sounds awesome right? Well, it is. The first time I smoke salvia, I took a rip of it from a 2-1/2 foot bong and held it in my lungs nice and long. And then, before I know it, I am literally in Mario land. The original, of course. Mario 2 was too stoner-y and Mario 3 was too luxuriant in its graphics. No; it was Mario 1. And my friends were, nicely enough, Mario and Luigi. Complete with that cool-ass white overall-and-brown-tee outfit. Super sick, I tell you. That lasted about 3 minutes, I came back to reality, got a splitting headache, smoked an illegal substance that was easily-obtained, socially-acceptable, smoked by high schoolers and a non-priority for arresting officers (feeling the underlying theme?) and went to bed having erased all memories from that day and the one before. So what was I saying? Oh yeah. If Kansas makes all these substances illegal, aren't they essentially guaranteeing a more-than-profitable black market for dumbshit college stoners and/or drug cartels that have infiltrated and set up shop in KCMO? And don't they have better things to do than arrest stoners who own less-than-profitable downtown Lawrence ventures? The world may never know...

kickass motherfucking helicopter! said...

Which one is Magnum? Whoever dies first, and then is brought back to life. (You know, Magnum actually died at the end of the show, only for the show to be renewed, and, just like Lost, the show was basically predicated on an exotic jungle mystery: who was Robin Masters? (Though I was always a bit uneasy, even as a youngster, of the homoerotic subtext of Magnum as kept boy for Robin. Did anyone else get the feeling the Magnum writers (nice phallic name) were trying just a bit too hard to make Magnum the manliest man to ever set foot on Oahu?))

The only way to decide the Kate/Scully conundrum is a sweaty wrestling match where they both begin handcuffed, with the keys to their opponent's locks shoved down the front of their lacy, provocative underthings. GO!

Bizarre things afoot at Sacred Journey and over in Oskaloosa. Makes you just want to lick the back of a toad and take a bit of a breather from the craziness. "Chip, hand me that toad."

yoshi said...

At the LC, we love when hilarious things happen in the comments while we're away.

Nice job, readers!

Now, let's see Kate and Scully strip down to bra and panties for a tickle-fight!