Wednesday, February 11, 2009

A New Installment of "Harry Lupus, Boy Werewolf" / Plus, Other Animal Tales (proceed with caution)

Readers, we realize there's a lot of great literature to choose from right now, such as Dewey: The Small Town Library Cat Who Touched the World (""Oh, my golly," said Jean. "The poor baby," I said, squeezing tighter. "It's adorable."). Or the Twilight vampire series ("And yet, they were all exactly alike. Every one of them was chalky pale, the palest of all the students living in this sunless town. Paler than me, the albino.") And John Grisham's latest opus, The Associate ("The agent/cop hadn't moved an inch"). [actual quotes] But we hope you can find room in your heart for one more character: young Harry Lupus. Here is volume four:

"As the full moon rose outside his bedroom window, Harry Lupus woke up with a very furry boner. He began to howl. Somewhere in the night, a lonely she-wolf was waiting for him, and he set off at a lope to find that bitch.

Even at a half-mile’s distance, Muffy’s musky wolf-scent seemed to invade his nostrils and Harry felt the fine hairs on his balls tingle at the thought of mounting her later that night: indeed, he was starting to love the wolf-life."


The LJ-World loves its animal stories. From hedgehog legislation to cute baby foxes on the EastSide to cow farts to squirrel scrambles, it's a rare day when some piece of animal-related news doesn't hit the front page. Today brings us a cover story on thousands of robins who have taken to arriving on the WestSide each evening to nest in the trees ("It's a phenomenon. It's an extraordinary event," Robbins said." --did you notice the guy's name is also 'Robbins?'). The article ends by assuring us that "The birds don't represent a threat to humans...".

Richard: "I'm not assured. I've seen that Hitchcock flick."

But, readers, a less pleasant animal story has also made headlines this week. At last night's weekly LC board meeting, Cl.thier expressed surprise that the story of the Turkish grad student jailed for sodomizing a dog had not proven blog-worthy. Richard explained that it was hard to find the humor in a man fucking a dog in the ass and had chosen not to include the sordid affair in the LC. He fully intended to stick to that vow too, but an editorial in today's LJ-World has forced us to address the matter after all. Mr. John Hoopes, of Lawrence, writes: "I hope I'm not the only one to note the cruel irony of your paper's coverage of a Kansas University student's felony charge for animal cruelty while featuring Tonganoxie's third annual Squirrel Scramble on the front page. One man faces serious penalties for 'intentionally and maliciously killing, injuring, maiming, torturing, burning, or mutilating any animal' while organizers of the squirrel hunt see it as 'a good way to get the children outdoors' and relish the idea of cutting off squirrel tales to use as fishing lures.'"

Chip: "Maybe I'm wrong here, but I feel that something has gone astray in the local environmentalist culture when they can't tell the different between hunting animals for food and sport and raping the family dog."

1 comment:

dog lover said...

I agree, Chip! Don't they understand that the family OWNS the family dog, and are thus free to treat it however they wish, while the squirrels of Tonganoxie, as free citizens of the forest, are entitled to the same rights and privileges extended to all free creatures? A travesty of justice, really.