Thursday, February 12, 2009

The Boys Discuss Another Cinematic Trend/ Also, Campus News (No More Stop Day?!) / Plus, 25 Random Facts about the Boys, Part II

We all know about the cinematic phenomenon of "torture porn" (the Hostel films, etc) but are we now witnessing the birth of "shopping porn?" The mind-boggling success of Paul Blart suggests so, and this weekend Confessions of a Shopaholic will truly reveal if what cash-strapped Americans truly want to do right is salivate over films set in department stores. Advance reviews are surprisingly positive, with several (from Ebert and Owen Glieberman) comparing Shopaholic-star Isla Fisher to screwball comediennes such as Lucille Ball.

Richard: "I want to screw Isla Fisher as much as the next guy (probably more than most), but I suspect she's the next Lucille Ball in about the same way that Ashton Kutcher is the next Buster Keaton."

Chip: "I've seen some movies about cheerleader confessions that I found in a 'special room' at the back of Miracle Video. I wonder if this film is anything like those?"


Scheduling committees at KU are considering a plan to eliminate Stop Day, the traditional day off between the end of classes and the beginning of final exams, stating that Stop Day's current incarnation on Friday is unecessary (since the weekend obviously already provides two days off before finals). What do the boys think?

Chip: "I'd rather cancel Christmas than Stop Day. Stop Day Eve is Larryville's most drunken holiday, the likeliest time to see tits on the streets except for a national basketball championship victory, which seems unlikely to ever happen again."


As we reported earlier in the week, the boys love Facebook for many reasons, not the least of which is the ability to look at Quinton's waitresses in various states of undress and learn important facts about their likes and dislikes which can then be used at the bar to start conversations ("Jack Johnson and Yagermeister is a stellar combination").

But it's hard to concentrate on anything else on Facebook right now besides the "25 facts" meme. Here are a few more:

Chip: "I have shaken hands with two famous basketball coaches and seen the crank of one at a Yacht Club urinal, but I have not shaken the hand of the one whose name we do not speak, currently residing in N.C."

Richard: "I have shaken hands with Mrs. Cosby, Phylicia Rashad."

Chip: "I once spent three days lining pennies up in a row to help my community set a Guinbess world record. I am proud of Forttt Scottt and my contribution to their feat."

Richard: "I once participated in a radio station publicity stunt where an army of us playing 'Louie Louie" on kazoos marched in a parade through downtown Little Rock."


d.bra m.ssing said...

Who's going around saying Isla Fisher is the next Lucille Ball? I will slaughter them.

h.rry l.pus, b.y w.rewolf said...

I once masturbated in a forest.

m.ffy said...

I demand more time for she-wolves in these Harry tales!

I think this f*cker's Clothier! said...

And where's the dark antagonist, Blagojevich (Known to Harry as "The Rod!")?

st.phanie m.yer said...

Perhaps Blagojevich ("The Rod") can be an "old school" werewolf from the ancestral home of werewolves (Romania, Albania, Montenegro, Andorra?) who despises Harry's attempts at modernization and assimilation into the flashy and shallow world of the "hairless" ones.

And maybe Harry needs a mentor - maybe a wise old werewolf who, much to the dismay and anger of Blago, lives in a strange twilight world between human and wolf, trying to take the best of both worlds and make a better life for himself than the lives of the werewolves he'd seen go before him. We could call this wolf, Dog, like Chip's favorite bounty hunter (I prefer Han Solo).

j.k. r.wling said...

Boys, with your help, we've got ourselves a bestseller here.

Now let's quit our fucking day jobs and do this thing!

Blagojevich said...

I work?