Tuesday, December 1, 2009

The Boys Check Back In With Anna Undercover's Local Stripper Blog

After weeks of pussy-footing around(!), Anna Undercover's newest entry finally gives her readers what they have been clamoring for in her (very busy) comments sections: a vivid description of a typical evening at the Outhouse (which she consistently and cleverly disguises using the code-name of East Lawrence Ballet).

Here are two excerpts.

In the first, Anna gives a female customer a lapdance:

"I climbed onto her and locked my eyes on hers. I began to move slowly and deliberately around her lap like a snake exploring innocent, trusting prey."

Chip: "Notice here how she insists on viewing herself as the predator, obviously a tactic that keeps her from realizing how much she's being exploited by this culture. No. I'm kidding, folks. I'd totally want her to sit in my lap and spin around like a goddam pinwheel."*

[*modified line from Heathers]

And in this next excerpt we see Anna suffering a rare and touching moment of self-doubt and embarrassment:

"The song ended. The other girls hooted and hollered at me. Hehe! Naked except for fishnet thigh highs and stilettos, I beamed and curtsied like a ballerina. “Thanks guys!” I waved. Inwardly, I mocked myself for treating them all like an audience at a “real” dance show. I angled my butt away from the audience as I re-dressed on stage."

Richard: "There's nothing to be ashamed of, Anna. Obviously, this is far better than a real ballet."

Chip: "I'd like to be sitting in the front row while she curtsied."

Read the full blog here:



Mindi said...

When this whole academic thing doesn't work out, I'm going to get a job at a strip club and write a blog, because damn, that's a bad blog with some less-than-great writing. Her internal monologue bores me.

At least now I have a plan B. Actually, plan B is to open my own strip club here, a college town that doesn't have one....

Mars Needs Women said...

A college town without a strip club? That's not just a plan B, that's a public service.

And I don't doubt that your stripping and your blogging would both be better than hers.

east lawrence ballet fan said...

Even her descriptions of giving another woman a lapdance are dull, and that's a hard thing to mess up.

Will you have a bring-your-own-booze policy like the Outhouse? Because that's pretty sweet.

in search of sexy internal monologues! said...

Mindi - We demand a lengthy example of your stripper internal monologue as you give another girl a lap dance. Go!

in search of sexy internal monologues! said...

Mindi - Readers demand a lengthy example of the kind of internal monologue you would give as you ground on another woman's lap. Go!

Mindi said...

I like the idea of a public service. It may have to be out in the country, kind of like the Outhouse, so perhaps we will have bring your own booze policy.

As for the internal monologue, I've never given a girl a lap dance, so I'll have to get on it and let you all know. There is a full moon right now, stranger things have happened.