Monday, December 14, 2009

The Boys Consider Time Magazine's Best Album of the Year (Which They Use As An Excuse For the Return of "Country Corner!")

Are you fucking with us, Time Magazine? Do you really think that country superstar Brad Paisley's American Saturday Night is the best album of the year? (clocking in ahead of Dirty Projectors' Bitte Orca-- #2--and Grizzly Bear's Veckatimest--#8).

Let's take a look at Time's justification:

"The real risk-taking emerges in his songs about women, which, like the brilliant "The Pants," manage to be funny, sexy, and sensitive."

The song in question explores the patriarchal notion of "wearing the pants" in the family, with the narrator chiding someone for his old-school, macho mentality :

"You wear the pants
Buddy good for you
I'm so impressed
Yeah, whoopty-doo"

Time singles out the following lines in particular as an example of Paisley's excellence, so perhaps we'll give them the old "Country Corner" treatment today for your amusement:

"In the top drawer, of her dresser, there's some panties
Go try on that purple pair, with lace and frills
With your big old thighs, I bet you can't get in 'em
With that attitude of yours, hell, I bet you never will"

Richard: "What seems at first like a playful, comical suggestion--a macho man trying on frilly panties which ends with a clever double meaning about how (a) the man literally can't fit in the panties and (b) his attitude prevents him from banging the woman in question--is actually a bold challenge to Paisley's heterosexual male fans to embrace their more feminine side. This song may actually help prevent domestic abuse, as well as create a few white-trash cross-dressers."

Chip: "First off, any song that uses the word 'panties' immediately gives me a boner, so it's got that going for it. Second, I agree completely with your assessment. However, the song becomes more problematic as it progresses, and ends up reinforcing the kind of static gender roles it first seems to question. Look at these lines:

"A big old boy like you can probably bench 350
A little thing like her can barely lift the bar
Just wait 'til that woman has a headache
And she sits there with her legs crossed
Well, we'll see how strong you are"

Ultimately, females are viewed here as tiny, pretty things whose only weapon is sexual power. Sure, that's most often true, at least in Larryville, but there are a lot of 'big old boys' out there who actually enjoy banging large, unattractive women, and these kinds of relationships don't get fully explored here. Also, the title of this song is outrageously boring. Why couldn't it be called, at the very least, 'The Panties Song," or, even better, 'Pussy Whipped.'"


dream brother! said...

Even though he used People in the actual quotation, I'm sure Jeff Buckley, in the face of Time's ridiculous claim about Paisley's album, won't mind me changing it up a little:

"This entire show is dedicated to Time and Cuervo Tequila. Both induce failure and delusion."

dirty projectors said...

We must refuse our #2 status, since the proximity to Paisley destroys our hipster-credibility!