Richard: “Kip, for all your talk about loving the ‘sweet young ass’ of Larryville, you spend an awful lot of time in Ft. Scott at your parents’ house. Many readers wonder: what do you DO down there? What’s the appeal?”
Kip: “It’s mainly because everything is simpler down there, less ambiguous. It’s either ‘Ford or Chevy’ or “Foxworthy or Cable Guy” or ‘Miller or Budweiser’. And even that last one has now been solved, after Budweiser got sold to those prissy little Belgians. Larryville confuses me with its ‘diversity’ and ‘tolerance.’”
Richard: “Moving to Larryville for me was like discovering civilization after being lost in the desert for 26 years. In Romance, a man has to drive a half hour to purchase alcohol. Imagine that, Kip! Imagine that! Luckily, we did have a local ‘bootlegger’ by the name of Pig Free who stocked up on Natty Lite which he sold to those who didn’t want to make the drive, or whose trucks were broken-down. And sometimes he sold to children as well. Children need beer too.”
Kip: “Ft. Scott has a very fine bar called Rusty’s and let me tell you it’s preferable to the Replay any day. Once I saw a dogfight at the Replay. That’s crazy! In Ft. Scott, dogfights only occur in designated places and it costs five bucks to see them.”
Richard: “In Romance we had to drink our beer in the town square and we often received a ‘stern warning’ from the local constable. So how is Larryville perceived by Ft. Scotians?”
Kip: “You’ve heard the phrase “Gay-U,” I imagine? Well, I think it was coined by my friend Mike.”
Richard: “Romance knows nothing of Larryville, but its denizens look skeptically at the Midwest in general. We perceive it as a strangely flat territory where the people have no discernible accents and can’t cook catfish. However, I’ve grown to appreciate the cornfed farmgirls of Kansas, I have to say.”
Kip: “But the problem with Larryville women is that most of them are actually from Johnson County and have been taught that they deserve something better than a farmboy like myself. They think ‘barefoot and pregnant’ is something to be avoided.”
Richard: “In Romance people tend to get married and live in a trailer beside their parents’ house.”
Kip: “Right. It’s how life should be and once was, back before people got confused by the liberalism that breeds in college towns. Now don’t get me completely wrong here. There are things to be said for the liberated women of Larryville, mainly that they’re willing to have casual sex with me, but at the same time it’s a treat to withdraw back to Ft. Scott on weekends and watch the sun set on a simpler world where we’re skeptical of foreigners and take our honeymoons in Branson, Missouri.”
The boys' local band of the week is: Ad Astra Per Aspera.
Kip: "The name is Latin and I'm sure they think it's clever. It means 'to the stars through difficulties.' The band members look like art majors."
Richard: "They are playing an all-covers set at the Replay on Sunday night. Should be cool."
Kip: "I'll be at a church-casserole-dinner on Sunday night."
Cl.thier: "Hey, don't forget that I'm also playing a mostly all-covers set this weekend."
Kip: "Is your show really an all-ABBA night, or is that just some stupid shit Richard put on the blog?"
Cl.thier: "Do you WANT it to be an all-ABBA night, Kip."