Sunday, July 20, 2008

The Boys Plan a Scavenger Hunt! (and they need your help!)

Long-time fans are aware that the boys occasionally supplement their usual bar-going with certain special events, such as the great "Experiment" of a few years back, in which Kip and Richard, each accompanied by a faithful advisor and "wingman," visited a carefully chosen succession of bars in an attempt to see who was more "successful" with the ladies. [neither got laid, of course, or even close, but Richard was declared the winner after finding himself at a table of ladies whereas Kip, after sending drinks to those ladies, cowered in the alley like a frightened puppy, unsure how to follow through on his suave actions]. Much was learned that night and the evening served, if nothing else, as a great opportunity for the boys to employ their best pick-up lines, ranging from the sophistication of "Do you girls enjoy Fellini?" at Henry's to the decidedly more crude "Is all this pussy spoken for?" at Quinton's. [Kipnote: Most of the ladies who go to Quinton's do not perceive this line to be offensive or degrading, but rather a much-appreciated straightforward inquiry containing none of the subtle innuendoes or shades of meaning that can sometimes confuse them and delay intercourse for several hours).

But what is this Scavenger Hunt the boys now have in mind? Well, the idea came to Kip and Richard last Friday, when they encountered a group of spectacularly drunk young women at Fatso's who were licking shots of "rumple' off the bar and perusing a 'list' which they grasped like some magical object. As it turns out, this group (and six or seven others wandering about town like drunken angels) were engaged in a Scavenger Hunt in which they received a certain number points for accomplishing various tasks along their pub crawl, such as: make out with three foreigners; play someone's musical instrument; smoke weed; allow a stranger to write on your body [and let us interject here that Richard was indeed given the rare pleasure of writing 'Nog Was Here' on supple young flesh, although he was not--as he hoped--allowed to write this on a certain scavenger's ass]. When the group sadly departed, the boys, of course, began to think of a "hunt" of their own, although their list has not yet proceeded much further than "Fuck a waitress (double-points for a Quinton's waitress)." That's where we need your help, faithful readers, and we now open the comments section up to suggestions from you all.

In the meantime, your regularly scheduled satire will resume as usual (as well as upcoming photos of Kip, which is apparently what the people truly want, based on recent surveys!).


Anonymous said...

I did a scavenger hunt when I was at UM. I'm trying to think what some of the stuff on our list was...

We had to go to the airport and get something from Qantas Airlines. We had to go to a sex shop and get French porn and a penis ring. We had to steal a flag from Taco Bell that had that stupid little dog on it. We needed to bring an animal, dead or alive (I brought a kitten). What I do remember is that even figuring out what we needed to get involved clues and riddles. Good times.


future scavenger said...

Why French porn, in particular?

(actually, having Kip review a sex shop is probably a great idea for a future blog!).

Anonymous said...

For a start, howabout you boys search for Kip's:

--Sense of male pride in himself.
--Feet (I don't think he has seen them in many a blue moon)
--The stick he keeps so firmly wedged up his own ass (Oops, I guess I gave that one away)...
--The little democrat that used to perch on his shoulder and offset the hefty republican giving him scoliosis.


that voice sounds familiar! said...

Dr. X?!

First Scavenger Item said...

Female panties...preferably soiled.

let the hunt begin! said...

Cool! Keep the ideas cumming!

Copperhead said...

"Female panties...preferably soiled." You might want to clarify that; otherwise, Kip might just go to Walmart, buy women's underware, and um, soil them himself.

look what we've created! said...

I love when everyone comments!

But the list itself is still relatively small.

I hope you all are able to return to Larryville this fall when the Scavenger Hunt gets officially scheduled!

The Voice of Conway said...


What in hell?

And turn off the goddamned heat, Richard -- it's fucking hot down here.

--The real Dr. S!

And the list goes on said...

Okay, okay, okay...women's panties, soiled by...a woman!

("Soiled" can mean any number of feminine "discharges," so to speak. Ew.)

Other items...

padding from a bra
a unused tampon - signed by previous owner
three shot glasses - all of differing sizes, but all made of glass
a bar rag
a restaurant menu - laminated

this sounds like a Scavenger veteran! said...

The Hunt is on! And it's gonna be bitchcakes!