In local news, a petition is in the works to name a portion of 19th Street after coach Bill S.lf. Kip says: "It's a great idea. I've seen the guy's wang. I'd proudly strut down that Boulevard every single day, unless of course the man loses an important game in the future, in which case I'd set fire to that fucking street."
In national entertainment news, Scarlett Jo got engaged to actor Ryan Reynolds. Richard says: "It's just not fair. But at the same time, I don't think I could marry a girl who's attempting a whole record of Tom Waits cover songs. That's just silly."