Thursday, August 18, 2011

A Tribute To Larryville's Bartenders / Puma Wednesdays in Leawood / Gourmet Ice Cream at Christopher Elbow's Glace

Scenesters love to booze it up and of course they have strong opionions not only regarding WHERE they do their boozing but WHO does the pouring. We've been conducting a Twitter survey the past few days to gather thoughts on Larryville's favorite bartenders and today we bring you the results, printed in the form of a "tone poem" with each line representing a Tweet (some of them slightly edited for "artistic" purposes). Enjoy! And can you guess the scenesters based on their boozing preferences?

Hoap and @linny_mae at Esquina, because they give me tingles in my nethers!!!!
I miss seeing Andrew serve me at Henry's. He's so dreamy.
duh, Dana at the Replay and Spook Lights Rob at replay/jackpot
Rob @ the replay for sure.
kenny p. and jeremy sidener are the best rhythm section / bartenders in town
Brandon Fucking Mckeever
I love Mike at the Bottleneck because he makes a killer horsefeather. #hip
@mikednotabeasti @TheBottleneck he's pretty coooool. :-) #holla
#1 Hands Down Ricky Brown! #TAPROOM 2nd place #NANDA!!! #Replay
Ricky brown or Tom k! #taproom
jeff at replay. he doesn't charge me for shirley temples.
Jill from the Red Lyon!
Trina & Spencer at the Lyon
katie pestock @ freestate cuz she's th jamison drinkin shhiiiiiiit!!!!!
The guy at Harbor who told me that True Widow is playing another show in town!

And who's our pick, you ask? Readers, there's only one bartender for us, and that's Nanda at the Replay. When she ever-so-sweetly hands us our PBRs we feel like we're the only scenesters in the room.

Speaking of boozing, don't forget tonight's firkin tapping at Burger Stand at 8:00. The beer being tapped: Tallgrass's "Chicks With Hips" (as in rose hips).

Chip: "I hope this beer evokes the delightful company of a large-hipped woman: sassy and sensual. If my first sip doesn't produce a boner, I will deem this beer a failure."

What do our feminist readers think? Nothing. We've over-used that device lately. But we suspect they'd approve. After all, it's not like the beer is called "Anorexic Supermodel" (Chip: "Although I'd totally tap that too!").


Larryville bars and restaurants need more events that are specifically designed to help folks get laid. A good model might be KC's "Puma Wednesdays" at RA Sushi in Leawood. For those of you not in the know, a "puma" is a slightly younger "cougar" (late 20's/early 30's, according to Urban Dictionary). So how young is their "prey?" Late teens? We're not quite clear on this. Anyway, Puma Wednesday is a "Ladies Night Out" event in which "pumas and their prey can enjoy tempting specials which will tantalize their senses all night long." (Pitchweekly).

Here's an amusing comment from the talkback section:

"Sweet, just what I want to do. Hang around a bunch of used up JoCo women who regret getting married before their 22nd birthday, having multiple kids before they were 25, and are now either divorced by age 30, or are looking to cheat on their husbands.What kind of restaurant promotes a Girls Night Out as "pumas and their prey can enjoy tempting specials which will tantalize their senses all night long."? Why not just start a brothel and let the Real Housewives of Johnson County get straight to the point? Will there be glory holes in the bathroom? Seems very greasy."

Oh, let's hope there are glory holes in the bathroom. Do any of our puma readers or young male readers want to take a little trip to "Puma Wednesdays" and find out and write a column for us?


As if RA Sushi and Trader Joe's aren't enough to entice you Larryvillers into a trip to Leawood, renowned KC chocolatier Christopher Elbow has opened up another of his Glace gourmet ice-cream joints there. This sentence alone should be enough to make Larryville foodies hop in the car: "Glacé's flavors come from fresh herbs, mostly from Lulu's Garden in Lawrence, which provides Elbow with cilantro, purple basil, rosemary, and the sage he's thinking of pairing with blackberry in a sorbet." Elbow is also considering some new sundae-toppings such as sea salt and olive oil (Chip: "I'm saddened to think that there are probably a lot of KC foodie children who will never know the joys of a real hot-fudge sundae").

Read the Pitch's long piece on Elbow and Glace
here .


Scary Manilow said...

I made the cut! I'm flattered. Especially since I'm usually pretty shitty to my customers. Then again, most of my customers are homeless meth guys from the dropin center, so their judgement must be kind of impaired.

Stagger Lee said...

You're a pretty scary and shitty manhole to begin with...nothin' to do with the "meth guys" who have impaled you as such.

Nice commentary, Nog. Kudos for blending in without the fuckwads getting it.

Also, you mentioned an actual bartender. Obviously the commentator had received a nice round of fellatio in the taproom from Sidener and his ilk. To be fair, if these queens aren't all involved in what to put on the platter next, then they can pour a decent pint or pop a can pretty well. But generally overrated should be applied to that locale, and if you started swinging your fucking Eightball in a Crown Royale sack, those boys would fall to the floor in full fetal thumb-sucking position, and cover their anuses instinctively.

At least there isn't any commentary on how splendidly the fucks at Jensen's can take your money, put it in the register and render your change to you. Didn't that get old...or too young whatever? I mean wowbobwow. It's fucking Townes Van Zandt selling me wine and beer, taking my money and shit.

What a mess!

Scary Manilow said...

You kindergarten class must love you.