"You are a beautiful blonde that drive a red impala... [you] hit the salad bar, and hopped in to a Land Rover...You had a pink shirt on...You shared your tic tacs with me...tell me what your attorney looked like...Tell me the number you have tattooed on your leg!...You waited on me. I got tacos. You are so beautiful...I have a beard...Your immaturity was brightly illuminated with every insignificant wave of your ugly middle finger...Thanks for making my evening that much shittier, you repugnant homophobe...its not cute to act like your licking vagina...I'm allergic to cats so got a puppy and has really made the cats life less than happy...I would best describe it as a sexual getting to know each other dating relationship...Here are a some interests of mine: martial arts, singing, philosophy, boating, psychology, mathematics, computer programming, hacking, ghetto-rigging, drawing, writing, co-authoring, roleplaying, video games, free running, archery, knife throwing, trumpet, reading, movies, anime, music, photography, sex, sexual kinks, pornography, equipment carrying methods, lock picking, tools, weaponry, cooking, swing dance, roleplaying games, grammar, game design, urban climbing, acrobatics, reading...Looking for anything from intricate locking bonds to just being locked inside a cage (or a chest or closet or any small space as I'm sure you haven't got a cage handy)...Put "swallow my cum" in subject line so I know you are not spam...I NEED A COUGAR TO SCRATCH ME UP...I want to cum in your wife. After that, I could hang out for a bit. Talk about random stuff. Or just leave...I really enjoyed chilling hard with you...If you remember hit me back...I hope to hear from you...if there is a chance you remember. Call me...there was a very beautiful and knowing, prolonged smile as you drove away. It captured me and thus I must hope that you read this."
Readers, if you like this, let us know, and we'll make more. We also plan to start reading our Craigslist collage poems at local poetry readings (maybe at the Lawrence Public Library, since we hear that our guest columnist today is putting together a new poetry series). Or perhaps such work is better suited to a special experimental show at Wonder Fair in which we read our collages while backed up by someone playing a fucking lute or something.
Readers, it's always a special day when any guest columnist agrees to take part in our shenanigans, and especially when said columnist is a bananasuit wearing librarian. Here's her review of last night's Hospital Ships' "Jamboree" at the Burger Stand. If you haven't checked out the Bananasuit blog, click the link in our sidebar.
"Usually far too bookish and shy to observe the live music scene in the flesh, I decided not to miss seeing my favorite local rockers, Hospital Ships, playing in a supergroup-style Jamboree at The Burger Stand on Saturday night.
Rather than the gentle introduction to the local scene I'd imagined, I'd dived straight into the belly of the hipness beast: an intimate gathering of the black-t-shirt-and-oversized-frames-clad close friends & family of Elevator Action, Heartscape Landbreak, and Hospital Ships. A solid 35 percent of the audience was slated to perform during the evening. But, with the promise of Lonely Twin looming just around the corner, I resolved to shyly stick it out.
Hospital Ships played a short but gratifying set of my four favorite songs from Lonely Twin. As Geiger crooned in his soft tenor over fuzzy guitars that "all the blood that once pumped / is now gauze lifted up / from off the ground like strands of hair towards the sun," the friendly bartenders of The Burger Stand came on intermittently over the loudspeaker to announce that an order of duck-fat fries was ready. "Honey Please" was a rockin' crowd pleaser, and just as amazing live as it is on the LP.
Taylor Holenbeck played an adorable solo set as "Heartscape Landbreak," pausing frequently mid-song to apologize for having his back turned to half the audience. But my absolutely favorite moment of the evening was Jordan Geiger's cover of the Everly Brother's 1960s hit, "All I Have to Do Is Dream," which he played quietly and barely while Elevator Action prepped to take the stage, in the same wistful tenor that explores thematic elements of dreaming and longing entwined throughout Lonely Twin.
We can only imagine the dozens of adorable Phil Spector and Brian Wilson covers played as a supergroup after Elevator Action's set; I'll never know for sure, because I was too unhip to stay out past midnight. But it's OK, because when I got home, our new neighbors gave us our own little concert of The Dave Matthews band, which they were blasting from a haze of patio smoke beneath their "Dark Side of the Moon" poster."
Since most of the KC media outlets haven't yet bothered to sober up and post much in the way of Day 2 Kanrocksas reviews, we're just going to assume that Muse had a totally rad light show and everyone loved it. In the meantime, head back to I Heart Local Music, which gets their reviews and photo galleries up in a timely fashion. Here's a shot from their Day 2 gallery of the Girl Talk dancers rocking. Note the dude wearing a Kanrocksas t-shirt. Isn't it unhip to wear a festival shirt while actually at said festival?
We haven't reported on kickball in several weeks (because we always get bored with it about this time in the season), but since tonight is the last game of the regular season and tonight's Game of the Week features a fiery match-up of the two undefeated teams (Love Garden vs. Pita Pit), we better check in with Billy Gay Cyrus for a report from the Sundays in the Park blog .
"Will Kelly Corcoran return to throw the opening pitch? Which team will you root for… or, despise less? It’s tough being the best. Prediction: Love Garden > Pita Pit."
Chip: "I wish there were some way that both teams could lose."
Rumor has it that we'll be making our second appearance of the season at tonight's Game of the Week. Hand us beers. And look for Chip streaking, because sometimes a man just needs to feel a cool breeze on his balls on a summer evening.