Tuesday, January 26, 2010

KU vs. Mizzou Recap / And the Boys Consider Entertainment Weekly's List of TV's Biggest Bombs

The hatred of Missouri was almost palpable during KU's solid thrashing of the Tigers last night, and the boys took in the proceedings with the "desperate and crazy people" (Reverend H.) down at Harbour Lights. The crowd consisted of the usual mix of almost-hipsters (local bluegrass songstress Alison Olassa was in the house!) and Harbour regulars (that loud raspy-voiced good-ole-boy at the bar, who kept shouting unintelligible things about "the Outlaw Josey Wales").

This year's contest will be remembered as the year when Markieff Morris finally comprehended why we must hate everyone from Missouri: "They (Missourians) came and they killed the horses and the wives, the families. That type of stuff" (LJ-World) as well as the year that famous recording artist Eddie ("Two Tickets to Paradise") Money sang the national anthem at the Fieldhouse: "My son goes to junior college. I wish he was here today to see how beautiful the girls are who go to school in the Midwest. I've been to UCLA, all over the place. The prettiest girls in the country are right here" (LJ-World).

Chip: "I hope one of the players was nice enough to hook Money up with some pussy after the game."


This week's Entertainment Weekly cover story offers a list of TV's "50 Biggest Bombs" (by which they mean biggest mistakes). Number one on EW's list is moving Jay Leno to primetime. But the list also does a nice job of dipping back in time to consider "mistakes" that may have been forgotten, such as when the Dukes of Hazzard replaced Bo and Luke with their two cousins, Coy and Vance, due to contract disputes with the lead actors.

Richard: "Coy and Vance really weren't that bad. At the LC, we've actually been considering replacing Chip with a similar character named 'Captain Chanute,' who is also from southeast Kansas (Chanute) but is significantly more vulgar than Chip."

Chip: "But I just made a pussy joke earlier in today's post! Also, this blog seems to be getting a bit 'meta' lately. Isn't it enough for me to just stick around and criticize things for being 'not art?'"


The Red Queen said...

Chip, don't you know that you've got to change to survive? If you're not coming up with new jokes, they'll replace you, or worse, get you a sidekick and write all the good lines for him while keeping you around to watch your career slowly disintegrate like Fuertascotian underwear.

poochy said...

Or send you back to your own planet!

Capt. Chanute said...

That in mind, let's set these wheels in motion. Since Chip and I are now competing for utter domination of SE Kansas, let me reveal my case. It it a three-pronged attack centered on the following: 1. Chanute has one the highest ratio of property tax:property value in the state 2. Chanute doesn't bitch about "once being considered for the spot of KU," we are proud of our JuCo and don't have to berate them (any further than they already have been, dumbasses) and 3. Chanute girls are good, wholesome country girls...that coincidentally like to fuck while Fort Scott girls are just sluts. That all being said, I'll proudly claim my throne in the daily blogging. And besides, Richard, you need a new sidekick like me to 1. get closer to Q's sluts 2. feel young again and 3. give you license to swear a mile up a Blue Comet's ass (Chanute High mascot--just the Blue Comet, not his ass); it's cathartic. PROCEED!

down with the redcoats! said...

I predict that, like Burgoyne, Capt. Chanute and his three-pronged plan, however boldly and confidently put in to action, will result in failure.

sugar dick said...

Well, I rarely feel young, but I do like the parts about Q's sluts and constant swearing.