Monday, July 14, 2008

The Boys' Country Corner (Vol. 5...Final Volume?)

It's been a fun journey through the mainstream country charts, but the boys are soon to turn their powers of cultural inquiry to other matters in the coming weeks (perhaps the New York Times Bestseller list or the summer television season). In the meantime, enjoy this double-header!

Brooks and Dunn's "Put a Girl in It":

You can buy you a brand new truck
Chrome it all out, jack it way up
You can build you a house up high on a hill
With a pool and a pond and a view to kill
You can make all the money in sight
But you aint livin the good life

Til you put a girl in it
You aint got nothin
What's it all worth
Without a little lovin
Put a girl in it
Some huggin and some kissin
If you're world's got somethin missin
Just put a girl in it

Kip: "If this song were reversed, with a female narrator telling her audience that her life was worthless without a man, there would be a national feminist uproar. As it stands, however, men can enjoy this song and know that every word is completely true. Without a woman to bone, I hate myself."

Richard: "This song makes me vow right here and now that I'll be married by 2010."

Kenny Chesney's "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy":

She thinks my tractor's sexy
It really turns her on
She's always staring at me
While I'm chuggin along
She likes the way it's pullin' while we're tillin' up the land
She's even kind of crazy 'bout my farmer's tan
She's the only one who really understands what gets me
She thinks my tractor's sexy

Kip: "This is a powerful statement about male insecurity. The narrator here is kind of a redneck equivalent of the young loner who likes role-playing games or obscure indie bands and fears he'll never find someone who shares his specialized interests. But then suddenly someone comes along who "gets" him. This song is so fucking sweet it makes me cry."

Richard: "At this point I'm going to tell you a true story about Romance, Arkansas and some of my more sensitive readers may wish to stop reading at this point, as it contains strong language and sexual subject matter. In my high-school days I was attending a party in a field (bonfire, beer, music) and there was an ancient abandoned combine nearby [Kipnote: a combine is a large piece of farm equipment used in harvesting]. At one point in the evening a popular local character named Big Den, probably 40-something years old at the time, informed us, apropos of nothing: "Boys, I've eaten many a girl's pussy out over there in that old combine." Now let me tell you that Big Den, as his name implies, was a rather large fellow with a bushy beard who spoke everything very loudly because he lost part of an ear as a child when his brother ran over him with a motorcycle. And yet...this was the Combine Cunnilingus King of White County? It's possible that he was exaggerating, of course, but I don't think so. This really made me think of my rural world in a new light. Was everyone but me having amazing oral sex in abandoned pieces of farm equipment while I wandered about oblivious? To this day, I believe so. And Chesney's song reinforces that belief. All around us, gentlemen, are women who want nothing more than to get fucked on a tractor. Let us make the most of it."

1 comment:

Dr. C said...

Thanks for sharing that bit of Arkana. It's very enlightening.

I have to say that there's a lot more going on than we, as subdudes, realize at first. Now, I don't know about oral sex in abandoned pieces of farm equipment, but on average, I'd say there's one girl, right now, who is willing to have sex with you if you only put in the effort.

Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and quite possibly for the rest of your life.

It's too bad I didn't learn that until very late in life.

And the song is right: nothing is worth anything until you put a girl in it.