The LC's Holiday Recap / Plus, Happy New Year's, Readers!

In America it has become mandatory to celebrate Christmas for at least two full months, beginning no later than early November. That time has almost come and gone, however, and let's look back at what's happened during the LC's hiatus.

On a warm and lazy Christmas afternoon in Arkansas, Richard and his brother paid a visit to the local bootlegger, Big Den, to wish him a bit of holiday cheer after a recent incident in which a resident ne'er-do-well struck him in the head with a log of firewood and stole his bootlegging money. Den was "laid up" for the holidays, recovering but chatty, and he regaled his visitors with tales of his past exploits, such as the time he ate two orders of double nachos with extra jalapenos at a baseball game and suffered so severely that he "seriously considered ramming a snow cone up my asshole."

In south Kansas, things were less vulgar. The Smileys sat down to a dinner of roast goose and made their usual Christmas wish: that the liberalism of Larryville would not spread outward to the other, better parts of Kansas.

On the west coast, Dr. X, the quintessential academic, roamed "the streets of San Francisco" at an academic conference (humming the theme song from that series) and searched for the best position in America to practice his particular brand of mischief.

In Denver, Dr. C looked at pictures of breasts on-line, insisting that all his searches were for research purposes (Chip: "That's what I told my mother when she caught me ordering the porno channel.").

And unto Larryville a new Cl.thier was born! His father named him after his favorite former E.R. character and lulled him to sleep with the greatest hits of the 80's, 90's, and today. The boys congratulate the proud parents and hope to see the whole family at Quinton's in the new year!

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Happy New Year's, readers, and remember that the Royal Observatory has added a "leap second" to 2008...that's one more second you can use to try to pick up that special someone at the bar!

We'll see you in 2009 with new features and the return of old favorites such as "The Boys' Country Corner!" Rumor has it that the LC's entries will be less frequent in 2009...but more powerful. Stay tuned.