Friday, December 12, 2008

This Week in Homeless News / Plus, The Return of Drake's Diner! / Also: Richard's Hipster Rock Show of the Day!

Domesticated hedgehogs weren't the only ones to receive good news from the City Commission this week: commissioners voted not to pass an ordinance prohibiting "verbal panhandling."

Chip: "Well, this is a disappointment, but I have an alternate solution which I intend to propose at the next meeting. I feel that we should all be issued whistles, sort of like 'rape whistles,' which we can blow if we are being verbally panhandled, at which point the police can swoop in and administer a quick beating. It's a method that's long proved effective in South Kansas, moreso than any legislation."


A beloved institution from Larryville's past has resurfaced in town recently: Drake's Diner, located next door to India Palace. Yes, it's a greasy spoon serving breakfast all day and remaining open till 3:00 a.m on weekends.

Richard: "It's long been a fantasy of mine to get absolutely hammered and eat biscuits and gravy downtown after the bars close. Finally, a fantasy that I might actually fulfill (unlike those ones about the Quinton's girls and the caramel frosting). Why do I sound like Chip in this comment?"

Chip: "I plan to make Drake's my home away from home, kind of like the Fonz used Mel's Diner. And when I hit the jukebox to make it work, it will always play Death Cab for Cutie."

The return of Drake's has led the boys to hope that other beloved institutions might eventually resurface, such as: Joe's Bakery, Furr's Cafeteria, the Gaslight Tavern (Richard only), and The Moon Bar ("There's just no better place in town for a knife-fight, although the Jet Lag will work, in a pinch."--Chip).


While Larryville's old folks enjoy a Holiday Hoedown at Liberty Hall tonight, the cool kids will gather at the Replay for a show so hip that it's getting virtually no promotion and no one is entirely sure if it's even happening: The Rinkles will be playing the songs of the Kinks and the Rutles!

Cl.thier: "The Rutles? That's cool, sort of, but I wish someone would play the songs of other fictional bands, such as Stillwater, from Cameron Crowe's Almost Famous. "Fever Dog", baby!

Richard: "Or the songs of Citizen Dick from Crowe's Singles. "Touch Me, I'm Dick!"


cheese & onions 4evr said...

"Fever Dog"? Cl.thier, I thought you had better taste than that.

fever dog said...

"I'm the lead singer and you're the guitarist with mystique."

cl.thier said...

I don't know who's hiding behind the pseudonym "cheese & onions 4evr," but when I find them, first I'll ask them about their bizarre and basically illegible pseudonym, and then I'll kill them for doubting the awesomeness of Stillwater and "Fever Dog" (scratching up my back door...hear ya howl, I ain't listenin' no more!). What's the only fictional band better than Stillwater (yeah, I read your crap list Mr. Hipster Indie Movie Reviewer Type on Well, yeah Spinal Tap is. But what's the best fictional fictional band from a movie? You guessed it. The Jeff Bebe Band. I would literally kill someone for the t-shirt Jason Lee is wearing in the scene where the band gets the bad news from Rolling Stone. Besides being blessed with the "incendiary" guitar work of Russell Hammond, the mind-blowing somethingness of Kate Hudson (truly, the glowing dust emanating off her in this film is beyond words) and the pompous righteousness of Jason Lee, is the competent, no-nonsense bass playing of...

MARK KOZELEK! Drone on, brother, drone on.

I, for one, cannot listen to "Tiny Dancer" without hearing Kozelek intone on "handing tickets out for God."

"Better taste"? I have the Almost Famous director's cut! And Stillwater? That's Cameron Crowe, Nancy Wilson, and Peter Frampton! "Barracuda" and "Do You Feel Like We Do"! Dreamboat Annie and Frampton Comes Alive!

cheese & onions 4evr you're dead to me. You hear me? DEAD!

"This is a house of lies!"

Mr. Martini! said...

Well, I'm seeing skinny rocker bitch fight here!

--Grab your bitches and start swinging!

nog said...

Nice defense, Cl.thier!

And not only do I own the "bootleg" cut as well, I've also listened to the commentary track with Crowe and his mother!

I like to claim that Almost Famous is the "best" film about rock (though I give Spinal Tap the edge as most laugh-out-loud hilarious).