Chip: "Well, this is a disappointment, but I have an alternate solution which I intend to propose at the next meeting. I feel that we should all be issued whistles, sort of like 'rape whistles,' which we can blow if we are being verbally panhandled, at which point the police can swoop in and administer a quick beating. It's a method that's long proved effective in South Kansas, moreso than any legislation."
A beloved institution from Larryville's past has resurfaced in town recently: Drake's Diner, located next door to India Palace. Yes, it's a greasy spoon serving breakfast all day and remaining open till 3:00 a.m on weekends.
Richard: "It's long been a fantasy of mine to get absolutely hammered and eat biscuits and gravy downtown after the bars close. Finally, a fantasy that I might actually fulfill (unlike those ones about the Quinton's girls and the caramel frosting). Why do I sound like Chip in this comment?"
Chip: "I plan to make Drake's my home away from home, kind of like the Fonz used Mel's Diner. And when I hit the jukebox to make it work, it will always play Death Cab for Cutie."
The return of Drake's has led the boys to hope that other beloved institutions might eventually resurface, such as: Joe's Bakery, Furr's Cafeteria, the Gaslight Tavern (Richard only), and The Moon Bar ("There's just no better place in town for a knife-fight, although the Jet Lag will work, in a pinch."--Chip).
While Larryville's old folks enjoy a Holiday Hoedown at Liberty Hall tonight, the cool kids will gather at the Replay for a show so hip that it's getting virtually no promotion and no one is entirely sure if it's even happening: The Rinkles will be playing the songs of the Kinks and the Rutles!
Cl.thier: "The Rutles? That's cool, sort of, but I wish someone would play the songs of other fictional bands, such as Stillwater, from Cameron Crowe's Almost Famous. "Fever Dog", baby!
Richard: "Or the songs of Citizen Dick from Crowe's Singles. "Touch Me, I'm Dick!"