2) We resolve to bring you a few more guest pieces in 2012. Last year we offered up fine work ranging from Courtneybelle's analysis of the Twilight series ("Mormons wank too!") to @plyrene 's powerful investigation of local scenester violence ("Just stand your ground, go home, and write a fast and loud song about the experience for your band's next 9-minute EP.") to Tweetnasty's ever-popular sex advice columns ("Dudes: don't send a flaccid dongshot to a girl you're trying to impress."). However, it's surprisingly hard to get apathetic local scenesters to commit to actually writing a short piece for us, even though we KNOW you're out there on the scene every night drinking PBR. So...when we ask for your help, please rise to the challenge and take comfort in the fact that your week may eventually be discovered through random Google searches (especially if you use the word "naked" a few times).
3) Finally, we resolve to continue being the fourth best source in town for local cultural coverage. Thanks for reading.
[Also, as with all New Year's resolutions, we reserve the right to break all of these in a few weeks and return to writing lazy daily boner jokes].