The Boys Consider Wakarusa; Plus, Last Week in Local News: Rush Meets Bush!

The boys themselves have no plans to attend this year's Wakarusa Festival (Kip is scared of hippies; Richard is scared of crowds, heat, camping, and certain jam bands: "What if they were to play a song that just simply never stopped...we'd all eventually die while listening to it!"). However, their non-attendance doesn't stop them from offering their picks on the musical highlights for this year's festivalgoers (most of whom are too perpetually baked to distinguish one band from another).

Friday night headliner The Flaming Lips is an excellent choice for such a festival. With their high-minded concept albums and experimental tendencies, they work well for stoners who like to ponder their lyrics. And with their tendency for spectacle (stuffed animal costumes; Wayne Coyne traversing the crowd in a plastic bubble) they are equally appealing to those who are tripping (A Kipnote: "To trip means to freak out on drugs.").

Richard says: "Personally I dig the Lips. But a work like Zaireeka, which consists of four separate CD's intended to be played simultaneously on four different stereos, is simply never going to work for most people. In Arkansas, for instance, it's considered to be too much trouble. It's far easier to just grab the 8-track of David Allen Coe out of the glovebox of the pick-up, where it's kept between the whiskey bottle and the gun."

Saturday night headliner Ben Folds is a good choice for the festival as well. The small, fratty contingent of the crowd can use Folds' intelligent lyrics to try and convince ladies that they are "sensitive" and actually enjoy something besides the Dave Matthews Band, which normally provides the mood music to their evenings of date-rape and Jaeger shots.

Kip says: " 'Brick' is a song about abortion. I learned that on VH-1."

Sunday night's headliner is a classy but risky choice: the legendary, ever-lovely Emmylou Harris.

Kip says: "Who is this? Some old silver-haired chick? Most of the hippies will go home before she plays."

Richard says: "If Lawrence.com would ever actually let me win tickets to something, I'd brave the fucking crowds for this."

This year's Wakarusa line-up also incorporates a bit of hip-hop (Arrested Development and Blackalicious), a genre which is becoming increasingly popular among the neo-hippies who believe they too have grown up in a culture of oppression where their parents generally only purchase one SUV for them instead of the other one they need for use as a "festival vehicle."

Kip says: "I'll be the first to admit I don't know much about African-American culture. I used to watch Martin Lawrence's show a bit, and once I spent an hour in the Crosstown Tavern over on Haskell, but the truth is that I'm just a really, really white guy and I don't think all the hip-hop in the world will change that."

Other tips from the boys:

Richard: "There's no tornado plan for Wakarusa. If a tornado comes, your best bet is to run like hell."

Kip: "Stupid urban hippies ain't never heard of ticks and chiggers and then run around town wondering why they've got red welts all over their asses. Take some bug spray, folks!"

Last Week in Local News:

The 2008 Championship Jayhawks were flown to D.C. for a meet-and-greet with the President last week, leading Richard to wonder: "Why are they being punished?"

W. singled out Richard's former student B. Rush for his contribution in the North Carolina game. Rush forgot to thank his former professor for a semester's worth of inspiration and his passing "D" in the course, without which the championship would never have been won.