Friday, September 17, 2010

Oprah Picks Franzen's Freedom For Her Book Club! / Game Day, Vol. III / Recent Concert Reviews / The State of Local Media

The interweb has been buzzing for days with rumors that Oprah's final book-club selection for her final season would be Franzen's Freedom. Well, it's official. Is the choice carefully designed so she can go out in a burst of forgiveness after that infamous squabble when she chose his prior work, The Corrections, for the club? Or does she (like us) honestly believe that Freedom is 100% awesome? Let's hope Franzen makes some hilariously snarky and elitist statements about this matter.

Our feminist readers: "Why would America's most powerful African-American leader (sorry, Obama) end her reign by choosing a work by a dull and dick-obsessed white male who's already gotten a shocking amount of press for his navel-gazing?"

Chip: "Here's my new favorite line of the novel:

"In the first early austral light of morning, he awoke with a monstrous boner of whose durability he had not the shadow of a doubt" (Franzen 430).

What I like is how the poetic image of the opening phrase gives way quickly to a large boner."


After an embarrasing loss in their first game and a shocking victory in their second, what's in store for the Jayhawks on their first road game of the season? All we know for certain is that, since it's a Friday night game, we'll be well and truly hammered even prior to kick-off. Now let us drink...and pray. Rock Chalk!


Readers, have you checked out the new local music column called "The Heard" on They have three columnists, but so far all they've done is report on the new addition to Cowboy Indian Bear, which the Pitch reported first. So we'll turn to the Pitch again today for a review of last night's important Ariel Pink show (which we walked by but didn't attend because it looked too self-important for us). Here's an excerpt from Brad Krohe's review:

"After the crowd dispersed to the sidewalk at the end of the show, a pair of wild-eyed fans walked by me. One turned to his buddy. "I touched him," he said, referring in awe to the spectacular mad genius they had just witnessed. They then burst into laughter at how dorky and star-struck that statement was."


Yesterday a disgruntled columnist for the World Company reached out to us (via Twitter and e-mail) with an edgy piece that the LJ-World declined to run. Readers, have we now become a more reliable source of local cultural reporting than and the LJ-World? We suppose so. Thanks for sending us the piece, fellow journalist. And while we can't use it either (as it contains no boner or hipster jokes), we think the moment is a telling commentary on the state of local media.

Chip: "Were there any naked photos in that submission?"

Richard: "Sorry, Chip. It wasn't from Anna Undercover."


Werewolf of Denver said...

That Franzen line is almost as good as the opening line of HARRY LUPUS.

Oprah said...

Agreed. And my final book club choice was a toss-up between Freedom and Harry Lupus.

Capt Chanute III said...

As unsure as I am about the outcome for our Praying Jayhawks tonight, I know one thing is for certain: I will be taking in the game in one of the hippest and anti-hippest (anti-establishment and self-contradiction are soooo IN this season) places in the world, Williamsburg. Wearing my Free State tee (because wearing Jayhawk paraphernalia to a viewing of a Jayhawks game is at once redundant, gay and too hip for me to comprehend), I will imbibe the local, hip brews and talk through my teeth, choking back judgmental laughter at the surely ridiculous and innane musings of the urban hip-élite; à la vôtre!

Chip said...

As for me, I'm at Jefferson's and, win or lose, I'll still get a boner from looking at the waitresses.

Anonymous said...

Who let the fucking women speak again?

Admittedly, I'm more apt to listen to the fucking women than the unfurling women, yet... I come here only to hear from Anna and think of her jiggles.

I miss Harry Lupus and his werewolf boner.

--Fuck you, Chip.

Click my heels three times said...

Bravo Capt. Chanute III for the self-referential square attempt at mimicry! If you got where you were you wouldn't be there.

Anonymous said...

The power of Oprah's cock compels you!