Monday, July 23, 2012

"Municipal Erections" : Our Sexy Interview With Victor Continental

Readers, it's a great honor for us (but especially for Chip) to interview the one, the only, Mr. Victor Continental: a great lover, a lover of dick jokes, and a legendary purveyor of inside jokes about LFK.   

Victor is bringing his annual hijinks back to Liberty Hall this Friday and Saturday, June 27 and 28 at 9:00.  As always, he'll pack the joint to the rafters with people ready to get shitfaced, laugh loudly about LFK's faults and foibles, and play some drinking games. 

Visit the FB event page here and tell Victor you're coming (yes, that's meant to be an innuendo: this year's show is called "Come," after all).  And watch a very funny promo/In Memoriam trailer for this year's show over here.

And now enjoy the interview, which truly goes "balls deep" in considering the many LFK citizens with whom Victor has had sex, the growth of North LFK, and (of course) the villainy of Doug Compton.   Okay, here we go...

Chip:  First of all, I’m honored to speak with the great Victor Continental, a man who loves a dick joke as much as myself.   What percentage of LFK have you had sex with anyway, and who are some of the best?

Victor: Ah am a big fan of having sex with the members of Lesbians for Kayaking. They're women who love women and they're already wet. Ah am unfamiliar with their membership roster, so Ah will will have to use a complex algorithm of math and say 69%. And the best one was Patrice. As for the people of Lawrence Fucking Kansas, the algorithm still says 69%, and the best were Sue Hack, Frank Dorsey, Baby Jay, and of course, Patrice. Mike Amyx keeps it trim. Would you like to touch my algorithm?

Richard:  I’ve been seeing the Victor shows for a long time and, truth be told, the mix of insider-Larryville humor along with raunchy hijinks is one of the many influences on our blog.  Tell our readers what kind of fresh local subjects you’re tackling in this year’s show.  And will there be jokes about the increasing “hip factor“ of North Lawrence (I’m thinking primarily of those intrepid boozehounds over at Frank’s North Star, who have finally given Lawrence a truly great new bar).

Victor: Well, Richard, Ah would like to think Ah began the trend of North Lawrence being hip by featuring it prominently in mah show last year. Whenever mah fingers aren't in other places Ah like to keep them on the pulse. Since last year, they have even built a bridge to connect North and South Lawrence. You're welcome. As for the rest of your question, no one in Lawrence is safe, but Ah always use protection. In conclusion, Ah have had sex with Frank's North Star Tavern.

Chip:  I’m guessing it’s safe to assume that local villain Doug Compton will get his usual roasting in this year’s show due to all the controversy over the 9th and New Hampshire project.  What else is deserving of a good old-fashioned VC takedown? And are there any local subjects that you shy away from in your comedy, perhaps for reasons of good taste or perhaps because someone in power (KU athletics, maybe) might put a hit on you if you offend them? 

Victor: Remember, whenever you assume, you give your ass to u and me. And since you've already had it so long, Ah'm taking two turns. We here at the Victor Continental Show are keeping a close eye on Mr. Compton's various municipal erections. Because they have lasted far longer than four hours and to our knowledge he has not consulted his doctor. As for KU athletics, basketball aside, they do a pretty fine job of making jokes of themselves. And Ah can say that, because Ah've had sex with them. You're welcome.

Richard:  What’s your favorite sketch you’ve ever done and why?  And could you also tell us about a sketch that you liked which completely bombed?

Victor: Mah favorite sketch is probably the North Lawrence sketch from last year, because, as the first sketch in the first act, it's the only one Ah can remember. Oh-kay! As for a sketch that bombed, Ah would have to say, "Oh Mah God, Crabs!" Have you ever tried to do a live show with live crabs? Don't. And remember, rub in product, rinse, repeat. And if you opt to shave, mention mah name and Mike Amyx will give you a discount.

Chip:   I fucking love the Shitty Deal Puppet Theater.  How’s Mr. Doper and the gang and can you give us any teasers about what they’re up to this year?

Victor: Ah have sent this question to mah good friend Mr. Doper, who has come back with the following response:

Mr. Doper: Fuck you, Chip. Fuck you and Dick too.  You want a teaser: your grandma. You want to know what happens in the puppet show, buy a fucking ticket and see the goddamn show like everyone else. . . I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I love you Chip. Tell your mom I said "hi."

Victor: Please remember, Chip, that the views of Mr. Doper do not reflect the views of the Victor Continental Show, or anyone else who's urine isn't more fire than liquid. Just remember, he's had a hand up his ass for fourteen years now, and only three of them were good.

Richard:  There’s a heroic amount of drinking involved at Victor shows considering both the drinking games that go on over the course of the evening along with the copious amounts of booze already being consumed.  How hammered do you honestly get during the shows?

Victor: Everywhere Ah go, Ah leave a trail of broken hearts and diseased livers behind me. Ah am a lot like mah good friend Bacchus. We both enjoy drinking and having sex, but Ah don't sell gyros during the day. Ah sleep. Ah am occasionally often completely hammered at the show and all times.

Chip:   Let’s end this interview with a hilarious dick joke.   Lay it on us, Victor (man, that sounds dirty in its own right).

Victor: Chip, mah dick is no joke. And rest assured, were this interview conducted in person, Ah would have laid it on you before question one. Thank you Chip and Richard! Come see mah show, July 27th and 28th at 9pm at Liberty Hall! Ah love you Lawrence! Ah love you Patrice!

[Readers, in an interviewing oversight, likely caused by heat exhaustion and PBR consumption, we failed to ask Victor a timely question about hecklers in response to the recent Tosh/heckler/rape joke controversy.  But we suspect that Victor handles unruly hecklers in his usual fashion:  by making sweet sexy love to them (consensually, of course) until they shut the fuck up].

And here's one of our favorite Victor images, circa 2004 via :

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