Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Loaded For Bear Blog Takeover, Vol. II

In advance of their weekend show at the Arts Center, the Loaded for Bear gang continue their hijacking of our blog this week, freeing us up to do...whatever else it is that we do (which probably involves drinking PBR and seeing Birdman for a third time).  Thanks, kids!


e-Harmony.com claims their “bold scientific approach” will bring you love with “deeply compatible singles that truly understand you”. Loaded for Bear claims that e-Harmony.com is “the easiest way for convicted felons to get nudie picks in the mail” and is “an obvious front for a multi-state cockfighting ring run by deposed Romanian royalty.” Who’s right? Just listen to our testimonials! (All names have been changed, but this is 100% pure real).

“I attended Loaded for Bear #2: In The Woods back in 2011. It was my first date with ‘Eileen’. I don’t know if it was the satire, the ribaldry, or the ‘Golden Secret by Antonio Banderas’ cologne I was wearing, but later that night I kissed a girl above the shoulders for the first time. Eighteen months later we were married! Now we just can’t stop getting married! Over and over again! Thanks, Loaded for Bear!

“I took “Mamie” to Loaded for Bear 3: Rocket to Awesome a couple of years ago. She left in the middle of the first act to go watch DVRed episodes of Two and a Half Men and She’s the Sheriff and to continue planning her hunting trip to Botswana to illegally poach endangered white rhinos and Botswanans. Luckily, at intermission, I met “Eileen”. Ten minutes later we were married! Thanks, Loaded for Bear!

“I liked Loaded for Bear so much that I got married twice! I don’t know which husband to take this year! Maybe I’ll just go myself and get a third husband! A fat one. I always wanted a fat husband! Yee haw! Thanks, Loaded for Bear!”

“I took a girl to see the original Loaded for Bear back in 2011. Three hours later, I was single. Now I’m in the cast. If I miss a line they make me do pushups. Sometimes they use me for an ashtray. Thanks, Loaded for Bear!
--“Jay” “Maus”


Loaded for Bear V: Does Not O.K. will be playing at the Lawrence Arts Center this Friday and Saturday, November 21 and 22, at 8:30 p.m. Tickets available at http://goo.gl/1bPeOG.


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