Saturday, October 1, 2011

Spot that Local History Nerd / Tweetnasty's Top Ten Sexting Tips Will Spice Up Your Saturday

We had a front row position near the getaway car during last night's re-enactment of a Clyde Barrow bank robbery that may or may not have ever actually occurred in Larryville, and we snapped this sweet picture. We had not been this excited about history since ten minutes previously, where we watched the actress playing Bonnie Parker vamp it up at the Eldridge. Click to enlarge the pic and see how many photo-snapping local history buffs you can spot in the background. We hope that Courtneybelle, our favorite history nerd, sends in her full report later on, as she was actually inside Teller's during the "robbery."


Readers, we know there's a small (freaky) percentage of you who tune in every day hoping against hope that Tweetnasty will return with a sexy advice column. Today, you get lucky! Here's Tweetnasty's Top Ten sexting tips.

Chip: "It turns out that sexting is a lot more complex than simply sending a picture of your dingus to someone."

Enjoy, and we hope you use these tips to sext someone today!

Tweetnasty's Top Ten Sexting Tips

Sexting is a lot like texting, especially if your phone isn't photo capable. But with a camera phone and unlimited messaging plan, the tele-erotic possibilities are endless! So you wanna sext? Here are some pointers! (Hehe)

10. Be prepared. Make sure you're physically ready to be exchanging lots of sexual/personal info with another person. Make sure you have unlimited messaging capabilities, especially if you have multiple phone buddies.

9. Location, location, location. Make sure you're sexting in a comfortable environment. A lot of you are freaks, so this could be anywhere.

8. Don't talk about boring or non-sexual things. When initiating a sext sesh, you can say you're bored so the other person knows you're thinking of them, but not doing anything that would hinder sexting. But after that's established, save the work rant for someone who cares.

7. Stranger Danger. Make sure you trust the person(s) you're wordfucking. Look at their contact photo. Is that someone you KNOW won't put your shit on Will they forward your tits to their phone book just because you said it was small? Let's hope not. If need be, start with body shots. Keep recognizable features out of it until you know they're legit, you impatient hussy.

6. Let your freak flag fly. Don't be afraid to get crazy! They're just words. You can always blame auto-correct later. You meant to type "kissing" not "fisting"?! Okay then. Seriously, go wild. Hyperbole the shit out of them. "I'm gonna put my tongue so far down your throat I'll be licking your taint", etc.

5. Play it cool. Don't respond 3x to every message you receive. You'll come off eager and creepy and no one will love you. Ever. Never send until you receive. Initiate with a single sext and go 1:1 until completion. (Someone will eventually confess their release or one of you will fall asleep.)

4. Safety first. Double check the message before you send it. Are you sending it to the right person? Are there excessive spelling or grammatical errors? Would you fuck someone sending you a message like the one you're about to send? Check twice, send once.

3. Don't be stupid. Leave the LOLs and winky faces out of this. We're all adults (make sure you're all adults). Use "your" instead of "ur". This face :p might get you blackballed, or worse. (Blueballed, obviously.)

2. Flattery will get you everywhere. This goes for the flattery you give the other person, and how flattering your photos are. Take a few and pick a good one. Dudes: don't send a flaccid dongshot to a girl you're trying to impress. Ladies: Make sure you get the goods in there. If I wanted to look at your myspace self-portraits, I'd create a myspace account and do so.

1. Listen to this.

1 comment:

dbkundalini said...

I was at the robbery reenactment thinking it'd be great if there were an actual bank robbery in some other part of town, too. Then we could all go over there and keep up the celebration!