Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Boys Take a Summer Vacation

Readers, we're taking the rest of the week off to observe the hipsterism of other parts of the country (where people occasionally drink PBR in an un-ironic fashion).

See you next week.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Hipster Pick of the Day: New Pornographers / The Boys Book Club Reads "Super Sad True Love Story"

Canadian supergroup The New Pornographers contains so many excellent and quirky songwriters (Bejar, Newman, Case!) and offers so many feats of harmony that hipster heads threaten to explode at the very thought of them, much less witnessing the live experience. Plus, every horny music geek has had a longtime raging boner for redheaded chanteuse Neko Case, and many of us will no doubt spend this afternoon milling about Love Garden, hoping that Case might wander in to browse and end up taking us back to her room to make sweet love to us and sing us Spanish techno before tonight's Liberty Hall show.

Chip: "My second choice from the group would be Kathryn Calder."

Pitchfork gives their new album, Together, a respectable 7.3 with a few criticisms:

"Case, despite taking the spotlight on the stand-out tracks "Crash Years" and "My Shepherd" and being present through most of the songs, is mostly under-utilized here."

We would never under-utilize her, if you catch our meaning.

See you at the show.



















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If there's one thing we love, it's a good dystopian satire, so we'll be in line tomorrow to purchase our copy of Gary Shteyngart's Super Sad True Love Story, a novel with a title so precious you'd think Dave Eggers had written it.

Publishers Weekly says:

"Shteyngart (Absurdistan) presents another profane and dizzying satire, a dystopic vision of the future as convincing—and, in its way, as frightening—as Cormac McCarthy's The Road. It's also a pointedly old-fashioned May-December love story, complete with references to Chekhov and Tolstoy... Narrating in alternate chapters—Lenny through old-fashioned diary entries, Eunice through her online correspondence—the pair reveal a funhouse-mirror version of contemporary America: terminally indebted to China, controlled by the singular Bipartisan Party (Big Brother as played by a cartoon otter in a cowboy hat), and consumed by the superficial. Shteyngart's earnestly struggling characters—along with a flurry of running gags—keep the nightmare tour of tomorrow grounded. A rich commentary on the obsessions and catastrophes of the information age and a heartbreaker worthy of its title, this is Shteyngart's best yet."

An epistolary novel with Chekhov references AND cartoon otters? Count us in!

In the meantime, enjoy this excerpt from the NYTimes (we like the part about "twentysomething buttocks"):

"And when the earth expires, as it surely must, I will leave it for a new earth, greener still but with fewer allergens; and in the flowering of my own intelligence some 1032 years hence, when our universe decides to fold in on itself, my personality will jump through a black hole and surf into a dimension of unthinkable wonders, where the things that sustained me on Earth 1.0 — tortelli lucchese, pistachio ice cream, the early works of the Velvet Underground, smooth, tanned skin pulled over the soft Baroque architecture of twentysomething buttocks — will seem as laughable and infantile as building blocks, baby formula, a game of “Simon says do this.”

Chip: "I'm moved, honestly moved. And more than a little aroused."

Sunday, July 25, 2010

The LC Considers the KC Fringe Festival / Also: KC Artist of the Week / Geek Rage!

KC's annual week-long bonanza of (weird) art and theater and music and movies is underway, and InkKC offers a useful guide to the madness of the Fringe Festival.

Here we offer a few picks of what might be worth your time:

For melancholy hipsters: an hour-long play based on the Mountain Goats' ultra-depressing album Tallahassee.

For sci-fi geeks: Khaaaaaan! The Musical (the press material says: "Go back to the future in this 1980's rock and roll Enterprise...Set phasers to laughter").

And for fans of the circus: Cirque du Gay presents "The Happy Circus," in which "two gay clowns service you with a rainbow of entertainment and pure happy fun."

Chip: "'Service' certainly makes it sound like these clowns are going to blow the entire audience."

The newest addition of InkKC also profiles several intriguing area artists.

Our favorite: Megan Stockman, 20, of KC dance troupe Quixotic Fusion. Why can't Asteroid Head recruit some members who look like this? (and who are so delightfully...flexible).
















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The fanboy world is shocked today by a stabbing which occured over seating arrangements during a Resident Evil panel at yesterday's Comic-Con in San Diego.

Richard: "I could totally understand this if the stabbing occurred over who got to sit closer in, say, the panel for the new Avengers film. But Resident Evil?"

Saturday, July 24, 2010

The LC Reviews Local Comedy! / Local Photo of the Week

Readers, we've been in Larryville so long we get about 90% of the jokes in the Victor Continental show, and that's a good feeling.

Yes, one of our heroes made his summer return to Larryville last night with a trenchant take on America's economic distress called "Hard Times" (a title tailor-made for boner jokes if ever there was one). Here's what one can expect from any Victor show:

--Victor's dancing (ALWAYS funny)
--Victor's drinking games (ALWAYS funny...and they will get you shitfaced!)
--Insider townie humor (ALWAYS funny).
--Rambling, absurdist sketches (almost never funny except to maybe a handful of stoners sneaking hits off their one-hitters, as Victor would say).

Some highlights from last night (skip this part if you're going tonight):

--the cameo by "Lew" and his big bag of money
--evil Doug Compton
--breastfeeding at the Pig jokes (classic!)
--"My Esquina" song (to the tune of "My Sharona")
--LJ-World/World Company song (to the tune of "We Are the World").
--Larryville's new anti-smoking elephant mascot who uses his trunk ("That's not his trunk!") to keep people ten feet away from entrances (inspired!).

Critiques:

Yes, if there's one sure way to shock a Larryville liberal, it's to use the word "nigg.r" (see, we can't even spell it out!). But if you're going to use it, why not go for broke with it instead of a bit of silliness about mistaking the word for "chiggers," which doesn't make any sense and exists only as an excuse to use the word? Why not use the word within a sketch directly addressing the recent charges of racism against one of the city commissioners? We could have written a VERY fucking funny sketch around that controversy. (also: please hire us to help write next year's show).

Verdicts:

Three out of four boners for Victor!

Two out of four Copperheads for Liberty Hall, whose taps were dead all evening, making it ridiculously hard to get fucked up in a timely manner. Why not open "express lanes" for those of us happy to drink shitty beer out of cans?


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We've "tweeted" about this sign already, which has been making us giggle for weeks now every time we drive through 9th and Iowa. Now here's a glimpse for our readers who have not moved on to the wonderful world of Twitter yet:
















A collection of militant local vegans: "Why does meat possess the power to whip men into a state of masturbatory frenzy!"

Friday, July 23, 2010

Weekend Pick for Scenesters: Victor Continental / Also: Comic-Con Geeks Stage a Phelps' Counter-Protest!

The annual appearance by Victor Continental at Liberty Hall is too popular to be truly "hip" these days (serious hipsters wouldn't dare pay 10 bucks for a ticket but choose instead to wait and meet up with the cast for the after-party). But it's still an essential event for scenesters hoping they might get mentioned amidst the show's insider humor. As for the boys, we're mainly in it for the drinking games these days. See you there...balls deep!!

Richard: "If I were a writer for the show (and if anyone involved is reading this, please get in touch!), there would be a major sketch about Kra.se's takeover of the downtown dining scene. The Burger Stand is serving a "wild boar hot dog" today, for fuck's sake!"

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If you're a true geek, you're in San Diego this weekend for Comic-Con, perhaps the only place in the world where a guy has a decent chance of getting laid based on his knowledge of the new Thor project or the lesser seasons of The X-Files. And this year, local hatemongers from the Phelps' Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka decided to take their anti-gay protests to the convention.

Chip: "Actually, it's easier to understand their logic than usual. What's gayer than a bunch of comic-book geeks?"

Not easily rattled by preposterous behavior, the geeks staged a large counter-protest. Here's an excerpt from a Salon piece:

"One guy in a Starfleet uniform held up a cardboard sign that said "God hates Jedi" on one side and "God Needs a Starship" on the other. Other counter protesters held up signs that said, "Support fiction, read the Bible," and "Odin is God Read 'The Mighty Thor' #5" The Comic Con goers also rallied themselves for a rousing chorus of Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" making the whole thing seem a very serious, or "a very special" episode of "Glee."

Here's a great photo of the counter-protest from www.comicsalliance.com:





















All glory to the hypno-toad indeed! (for you non-geeks, that's a Futurama reference!).

And now, if you'll excuse us, we are off to the multiplex to watch Angelina Jolie whip ass in Salt.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Naked Girls Reading! / This Week on Twitter

At the LC, we love literature and we love naked women. When you combine those two things, the result is almost inevitably going to be...major boners.

Thanks to our Twitter-buddy Anna Undercover for tipping us off to the existence of a series of events called "Naked Girls Reading," which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like: fully undressed burlesque performers read works of literature of their choosing (a look at their selections reveals that pretty girls enjoy everything from Baudelaire to the Twilight books). The series will be featured at the Toronto Burlesque Festival this week and here's an excerpt from an article published in The Globe and Mail:

"Everyone concedes that many NGR first-timers come because of shock value, but to their surprise, as Horra [executive producer of the festival] says, they discover that pretty girls can read."

Chip: "Indeed, I was under the impression that all pretty women were functionally illiterate."

You can visit the official website of Naked Girls Reading here (though you should be warned that it does contain images of naked girls reading):

http://nakedgirlsreading.com/

The boys are thinking about roadtripping to Seattle for a September event called "How To: Naked Girls read Instructions, Recipes, Manuals, and other informative texts."

With any luck, we'll see some titties AND learn how to work our new Iphone4's.


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Our time on Twitter continues to surprise and delight us. We spent weeks hoping that the Rooftop Vigilantes would eventually notice and follow us, and that time finally came a few days ago (making us feel as hip as we have ever felt before).

But perhaps our most interesting follower this week is a member of Larryville's BDSM community. His site is called Dominez Vous and described as "Twitter from the point of view of a BDSM Dom with 15 years of experience and 2 wonderful subs under His guidance."

A few sample tweets:

"The storms are passing through #Lawrence. Nothing to do but try out some new nipple clamps!"

"How many of you know what it's like to wake up in the morning and have 2 beautiful women ready to serve you? It's good to be the king! #BDSM"

"I'm not looking forward to the frat boys, but the sorositutes can be a lot of fun sometimes! :D"

A chorus of concerned Larryville conservatives: "This sounds weird, Richard. Get off of Twitter and alert the authorities!"

Chip: "So you're telling me there's a guy in town who keeps sorostitutes on a leash?"

More or less, Chip! Follow the Twitter feed here:

http://twitter.com/dominezvous



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Note: We know that some of you love our Style Scout coverage, but we're largely moving on to other concerns. Yes, we realize that today's Style Scout contains a profile of the lovely Katy Seib.l's sister, but oddly we don't have anything particularly hilarious to say about it, so we'll just encourage you to drop by Lawrence.com and check it out for yourself. She has a belly-button piercing!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Let's All Shout Angrily about the Oread Hotel! / Larryville on Craigslist

Did we all hate the same things BEFORE the Oread hotel opened for business? Or has that monstrous eyesore helped unify Larryvillians in our hatred?

At any rate, the hotel is an almost daily topic of hilarious rants in the LJ-World talkbacks. Let's check in with the newest controversy: should the Oread be allowed to shut down part of 12th Street and sell alcohol outdoors for major tailgating parties on football game days?

The city fathers denied the Oread's first requests for a major block-party in a recent meeting but last night approved a smaller-scale plan (the Oread can do its thing three hours prior and one hour after football games).

Do the talkbackers approve of this? No fucking way.

Cheeseburger says "Bad idea. And since a majority of the commissioner's aren't smart enough to figure it out, YES - you have opened Pandora's box! And true to form, they'll probably approve each and every request that comes their way. Why does everything in this town seem to revolve around booze?"

Chip: "Because it's a college town, Cheeseburger! So relax and go get hammered."

Bug167 says: "What next? Will the commission okay it if the Oread wants to let everyone tote guns to these tailgating parties as well?"

Richard; "I certainly hope they okay firearms at these events, because there's a mugging or a knifefight in that area of town every evening."

See you at the Oread on Game Day!

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We haven't checked out the Larryville "missed connections" on Craigslist for awhile, so let's take a look at two recent Replay-related posts.

This one is m4m:

"You were the fella wearing a super mario ghost t-shirt, working at the bar on July 15. A pleasure to've met you. You made our night better than it should've been. Wish I lived nearby so we could be friends. I was the one you sent across the street for a clean toilet. Thanks again. You made my night."

Readers, do you know which bartender this was?

And this one is m4w:

"You work at the replay and love garden. Youre always dancing and have a huge smile on your face. I secretly dig the shit out of you."

It's no secret now, our horny friend!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The Boys Get Psychedelic With Anson the Ornery at Wonder Fair! / The LC's Summer Book Club

After discovering local artist Anson the Ornery's outstanding "Robot Party" video last week we made it our life's work to witness his "Synaklavier Performance & Mysterium Screening" last night at Wonder Fair. Were we sufficiently bedazzled?

In the first of the evening's performances, Anson projected a succession of images of circles against multi-colored backdrops accompanied by sounds that sounded like "ooohs" and "ahhhh" (with one sequence somehow corresponding to the text of Keats' "Ode to a Nightingale"). The experience was designed to evoke synesthesia, "a condition in which one type of stimulation evokes the sensation of another, as when the hearing of a sound produces the visualization of a color." The room was filled with a number of scenesters who, having read the Pitch's piece on the performance, no doubt believed that they would be smelling colors and hearing numbers. Did it work for the boys?

Chip: "It left a taste in my mouth all right, and it tasted like confusion."

Richard: "As Johnson said of Milton's Paradise Lost, 'None ever wished it longer than it is,' and I was also disappointed that the piece I witnessed was completely lacking in robots, at least in the part of the evening that I witnessed. If I had been stoned, however, or otherwise tripping balls, I suspect I might have enjoyed the piece a bit more."

And thanks to Anson his own self for sending us a link with much better sound to "Robot Party." Here's the address. PLEASE watch this:

http://il.youtube.com/watch?v=RnylNriq1YA&feature=related

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After a summer spent reading bleak, post-modern fiction (such as Adam Ross's Mr. Peanut), we're turning this week to something lighter: Rob Sheffield's new series of essays on his love of 80's music called Talking to Girls About Duran Duran: One Young Man's Quest for True Love and a Cooler Haircut (a book that our friend Captain Chanute has vowed to read based on its title alone). Publishers Weekly calls it "a collection of free-form riffs on the glorious foolishness of Reagan-era entertainment...and its weirdly resonant emotional impact. The result is a funny, poignant browse from a wonderful pop-culture evocateur."

To capitalize on the popularity of such nostalgic material, the boys are working on their own memoirs regarding music's impact on their formative years. The working title of Richard's is Straight Outta Romance, Arkansas: Gangsta Rap in Garth Brooks Country, which relates the tale of how Richard's brief obsession with playing loud rap music in the town's parking lot forced an entire community to come to terms with its engrained racism (yes, the book is largely fiction). Chip's is called Back When Nothing Was Better Than Ezra: My Kansas 90's, which he describes as a "mood piece about one small-town boy's sexual awakening set to the strains of early 90's alternative rock."

Monday, July 19, 2010

Pitchfork Music Festival Recap / Hipster Pick of the Day: Beach Fossils / Staying Cool at the Jones Pool

We didn't attend the Pitchfork Music Festival in Chicago this weekend and we don't regret it at all. Spending three days in the baking heat with thousands of hipsters sweating PBR from every pore sounds like a punishment worse even than Bonnaroo (at least the hippie-fests are attended by many pretty women). But naturally we kept up with the festivities through various blogs. Let's look at some excerpts from a Chicago Tribune blog regarding yesterday's uber-hipster line-up of Surfer Blood, Sleigh Bells, and (yes!) the reunited Pavement.

"...much like a wave building to prominence as it nears the shore, the group finds its footing midway through its performance with a twitchy, reverb-laden "Twin Peaks." "Swim (To Reach the End)" follows, Surfer Blood transforming the lo-fi garage nugget into a celebratory call-to-arms."

Richard: "I wonder if this is the first critic to use a 'wave' comparison for Surfer Blood? Saw them at the Replay for three bucks. Next."

"[Sleigh Bells'] Krauss is determined to explore every inch of the stage. She crawls out to the edges, perches like a cat ready to strike its prey and wades into the front row. Her vocals — a miasma of bloody shrieks, bubblegum-sweet coos and wordless utterances any man would yearn to hear in bed — match the music's dynamic pizzazz."

A chorus of feminist readers: "Typical male music blogger: more focused on wanting to 'bed' the singer than offering an honest assessment of the music."

Chip: "I get such a boner from 'wordless utterances.'"

And what of Pavement?

"While Malkmus scored big points in the '90s for his sense of irony and clever wordplay, the Malkmus I love is the wistful, melancholy one who plays "Here."

Richard: "Fuck off with your wistfulness. We all know that you'll cheer loudest for the sneering irony of 'Cut Your Hair.'"

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Yet another Pitchfork-approved band (a 7.8) makes a stop in Larryville tonight: Brooklyn's Beach Fossils. However, Pitchfork levels some pretty harsh criticism even while praising the band's self-titled debut as a lovely summer soundtrack:

"...the mundanity of Beach Fossils can be deflating, and you don't catch much on the fifth listen that you didn't on the first-- a song called "Vacation" is about taking a bus out of town, while "Golden Age" and "Daydream" are nearly every bit as literal."

Yes, we all hate it when songs are actually about what their titles suggest.

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InkKC offers up yet another photo-slideshow of an afternoon at the Jones Pool. In this one, two ladies demonstrate the fine art of "water-humping" to a few "bros" standing nearby.

Ah, the Jones. We want to go to there.*




















*Outdated 30 Rock reference.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Sunday Kickball Coverage / Hipster Pick of the Day / Split Lip on Squidbillies!

In our minds, local kickball stopped being truly hip at least two years ago and anybody willing to play during today's "heat warnings" deserves to be institutionalized. But we're in the minority and kickball-talk still dominates hipster discussions each Sunday, so we feel duty-bound to cover it. Our favorite resource remains Deron's "Sunday(s) in the Park" blog.

This week's match-ups are analyzed by tofuscramble411 and our vote for most interesting goes (not surprisingly) to the epic geek battle of AsteroidHead vs. AstroKitty Comics:

"This game comes with high stakes for both teams as the captains have put a friendly wager on the game for the rights to use the prefix “Astro” in the team’s name for the remainder of the season. Astroidhead could become idhead, which would make for a Freudian field day. Astrokitty would simply become a cute, adorable kitty far removed from it’s superhero beginnings." (from Sunday(s) in the Park).

And the "Game of the Week" at Hobbs looks promising as well: 6News vs. Liberty Hall. Who the hell will be manning the desk during the 10:00 broadcast while all the reporters are on the kickball field? We wouldn't mind serving as substitute anchors tonight and bringing the Chronicles live to Lawrence. Call us if needed.

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If you're bummed about not being at the Pitchfork Music Fest tonight for the double-whammy of Pavement/Sleigh Bells (which is sure to be the hippest event in the history of hipster music), consider consoling yourself with a Pitchfork-approved band at the Jackpot tonight. Austin's YellowFever receives a perfectly respectable 7.2 from Pitchfork for their self-titled debut.

We don't know much about them except that they are a duo and their music has been termed "haunted house surf music." For us, that's all we need to know. And take a look at them:















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And if, like us, you prefer to stay home and avoid the heat, there's something on television tonight that will appeal to geeks and stoners and hippies and hipsters alike: it's the Squidbillies musical on Adult Swim, featuring a song by Larryville legends Split Lip Rayfield (along with other great artists such as Welch and Rawlings and DBT). Pass the bong!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Geeks Debate Inception / Hipster Pick of the Weekend / Party Pics from InkKC!

If you're any sort of geek, you're probably spending your Saturday debating Christopher Nolan's new film, Inception, on half a dozen different interweb message boards. Debates of the moment:

1) Is Joseph Gordon Levitt's hallway fight scene in Inception as cool, equally cool, or cooler than the hallway fight scene in Park Chan-Wook's Oldboy? And what about Hit Girl's hallway murder-spree in Kick Ass?

2) Do too many of Nolan's films rely on "twist" endings (a la Shymalan)?

Here's a fun exchange between fanboys regarding the latter question:

Yoga Fire: "Insomnia and the Batman movies didn't have twists as far as I could tell."

Wolfman Razor retorts: "So far as you could tell? I like that you hold out the possibility that those movies had secret twists that were so twisty that you haven't even discovered them yet."

The boys verdict on the film: "Forget Avatar. If you want your eyeballs (and your mind) well and truly fucked, see this on IMAX and quick."

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Tough choice for hipsters tonight. Should you see The Dead Girls at the Jackpot (their tribute to Adventureland on Halloween was 100% hip!) or Be/Non at the Replay (you probably haven't hung out with Brodie in awhile!)?

We're opting for Be/Non because their MySpace bio amuses us (and because Scene Stealer Eric, of the Girls, did not award us free Inception tickets despite the hilarity of our contest comments!):

"Unless your weekend routine typically includes munching shrooms while playing Metroid 2: Return of Samus, parsing metaphysics with the ghost of Arthur Lee, then unwinding to late-60s Canterbury Scene LPs, you've probably never experienced anything like Be/Non."

It's a rare weekend when we accomplish more than two of those four things so, as always, Brodie is cooler than us.

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If you celebrated Bastille Day in Larryville, you probably hung out at the Pig (with the same boring people who hang out at the Pig every night). But if you celebrated Bastille Day in KC, you probably hung out with...attractive drunk women in berets! Here's a shot from InkKC's slideshow of the festivities at the Westport Cafe and Bar.


















Chip: "I'd like to get froggy with them, if you catch my meaning!"

Friday, July 16, 2010

Is It Art, Or Is It...Some Kind of Magic?!

It's been awhile since we checked in with the local art scene, but we can't resist showcasing an event at Wonder Fair next Monday with this intriguing title: "Anson the Ornery Presents: A Synaklavier Performance & Mysterium Screening."

If you're not sold on the title alone, The Pitch further explains what you're in for:

"It's the artist's first public performance using his Synaklavier instrument, which produces a psychedelic blur of numbers, letters, colors and pitches to induce feelings of synesthesia -- a neurological phenomenon in which stimulation to one of the senses triggers automatic stimulation in another one of the senses. Ever wanted to hear purple or smell seven?"

We always thought Wonder Fair was trying to appeal to the hipster crowd, but this event sounds like it will attract a roomful of hippies strung out on K-2 who honestly believe that great art is simply something that "moves" them as opposed to something to be clinically analyzed but rarely enjoyed.

At first, this all sounded a little too touchy-feely for us, but then we saw this video called "Robot Party" from Anson the Ornery (filmed at KU) and we realized we'll be willing to watch anything this guy does. "Robot love will save the world," indeed! Check it out at this address:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THLydldRL-s

Hey, @BARRR!, how awesome will Monday night's performance be?

Thursday, July 15, 2010

The LC Thrashes With (Local) Metal! / Checking Out the Style Scout

Just because we're huge fans of the delightfully twee Transmittens doesn't mean we don't like to thrash out to a metal show on occasion. And our current favorites on the Larryville/KC metal scene are Hammerlord and the hilariously-named Koktopus. Nick Spacek offers a review of Hammerlord's new album Wolves At War's End in this week's Pitch. Here's an excerpt:

"You can, in fact, write songs about the Undertaker ("Tombstone Piledriver") or a minor Twin Peaks character ("The Ballad Of Rusty Tomaski") that are just as metal as something called "Fermented Offal Discharge." (Any band willing to introduce a song named "Storm the Castle" with a sample of Miracle Max from The Princess Bride has the grace not to take itself too seriously.)"

Personally, the boys like their metal to take itself ultra-seriously. We need to believe the band spent the earlier part of their evening sacrificing a hipster maiden before coming down to the Replay to drink some PBR and rock our fucking faces off. If we think they've been at home watching Princess Bride, it really doesn't work for us. Thumbs up for the Peaks reference, though!

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One of the entries in today's Style Scout is unusually useful, as it profiles "the new girl at Free State Brewery," Ashley Tippin, 26. We'll all be buying a lot of beer from her in the coming days, so let's find out what she's into so we can strike up meaningful conversations at the brewery. Ashley "like[s] to wear things that my grandma would wear when she was my age" and dislikes "Leggings as pants, girls that can’t walk in their high heels and Chaco sandals — they’re hideous." She'd like to see "More upscale bars suitable for intimate conversation" and less "Frat kids getting away with things and people peeing in the alley."

Richard: "I haven't peed in the alley since the Surfer Blood show and that was the Replay's fault for overselling the place by about 100 people."

Chip: "To me, there's nothing more adorable than a sorostitute tottering around on high heels in a bar totally unsuited to intimate conversation, such as Quinton's."

Meet Ashley:

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Weekly Twitter Recap! / A Video Game for Literary Hipsters / This Week in Larryville

Week 3 of Twitter-use and we're stalled out around 116 "followers." Sure, we'd like more, but at the same time we feel we've successfully established a small hipster army which we can mobilize to do our bidding at a moment's notice ("Fetch us a Hamm's!"). At this point, we still haven't negotiated a coffee date with Anna Undercover, but we have been experiencing odd dreams about such a meeting (in which we are waiting alone in a coffeehouse in our underwear, for some reason). Perhaps the most interesting discovery of the week, though, is a local blog called The M P M. Here's the bio of the writer:

"The M P M lives in Lawrence, Kansas. She would like to meet handsome, single men with exceptional record collections. You may contact her at heympm at gmail dot com."

Based on her fascinating posts, the boys' record collections do not measure up (especially Chip's, who collects Justin Bieber on vinyl), but they're happy to have discovered her work. Check it out here:

http://thempm.wordpress.com/

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Like most literary hipsters, we carry around a dog-eared and carefully underlined copy of Bret Easton Ellis's Less Than Zero in our backpacks, but we've yet to read the just-published, 25-years-later sequel, Imperial Bedrooms. Ellis's biggest local fan, Captain Chanute, wrote us yesterday with news that a web game has been developed based on Bedrooms. According to the interweb, "You play the part of an unnamed male Hollywood movie executive who resembles the book’s main character Clay only entirely. You’re in a casting session with a bubbly actress wearing a bad blonde wig, and as she reads her lines, you’re given options to encourage her, smack her around verbally (“Oh, you’re from the Midwest? Yeah, that’s obvious!” is our favorite), or ply her with copious amounts of cocaine or whiskey."

You can play it here: http://www.thedevilinyou.com/

Richard: "It's a nice game, but I've always wished someone would develop a game based on Franzen's The Corrections."


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The boys didn't make it to last night's "World's Largest Community Workout yesterday (which was attended by 1700 fewer participants than the previous year's "World's Largest Community Workout"). But they congratulate those who did (such as our Eudoran friends, the Eggs). Be careful when walking through Larryville wearing your Dog Days T-shirts, readers, because we might just mug you for them. Nothing gets you laid in this town quicker than a Dog Days t-shirt, which reveals you are both fit and community-minded.

We do, however, plan to attend Larryville's annual downtown sidewalk sale tomorrow, one of the town's biggest events. And Richard will be tweeting live from the festivitites: "OMG! Sweet bargains @lovegardensounds #sidewalksale." Everyone has their own preferred techniques for making the most of the sale, and we've found that what works best for us is sleeping in our cars on Mass. Street the night before so as to be the first ones in line for all the unecessary shit on display. Also, we're not afraid to shove a bitch out of the way to get those sweet, sweet bargains.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Extra Classic at Love Garden! / The LC's Book Club Reads Jennifer Egan's A Visit From the Goon Squad!

Larryville's hipster parents were upset last Friday because they couldn't take their troublesome hipster babies to the Extra Classic gig at the TapRoom (which isn't very child-friendly, unlike, say, The Pig). But those same parents were ecstatic last night when Extra Classic played an in-store evening "matinee" at Love Garden. It's fun to imagine the exchanges between parent and child going on in Larryville yesterday: "Honey, would you like to go with mommy and daddy to hear the rockin' dub of Adrianne Verhoeven's new band?" "No, I want ice cream!" "Shut up, sweetheart! You love dub music, and this will be extra loud!" As we all waited (an extra hour) for the gig to begin, the children had a good time chasing the Love Garden kitties around while their parents compared notes on child-rearing. Don't worry, though, readers, because they ARE responsible parents: when the band finally fired up, we witnessed several (mildly) concerned mommies and daddies shoving earplugs and balled-up pieces of tissue into their children's sensitive ears.

But how was the band? Well, very good. Their "reverb-soaked combination of dub and rock" (interweb) provides a nice backing for Dri's sultry, smoky vocals. We almost didn't even miss The Anniversary for a little while.

Verdict: three out of four Hamm's (because that's the official beer of Love Garden).

A chorus of non-hipsters: "But would it really kill them to start within at least 45 minutes of the published showtime? I mean, it's not like another band was playing before them or anything."

---

Like every other literary hipster obsessed with all things rock music and post-modern, we're excited to read Jennifer Egan's A Visit From the Goon Squad. But does this week's front page New York Times Book Review give away a bit too much:

"The book starts with Sasha, a kleptomaniac, who works for Bennie, a record executive, who is a protégé of Lou who seduced Jocelyn who was loved by Scotty who played guitar for the Flaming Dildos, a San Francisco punk band for which Bennie once played bass guitar (none too well), before marrying Stephanie who is charged with trying to resurrect the career of the bloated rock legend Bosco who grants the sole rights for covering his farewell “suicide tour” to Stephanie’s brother, Jules Jones, a celebrity journalist who attempted to rape the starlet Kitty Jackson, who one day will be forced to take a job from Stephanie’s publicity mentor, La Doll, who is trying to soften the image of a genocidal tyrant because her career collapsed in spectacular fashion around the same time that Sasha in the years before going to work for Bennie was perhaps working as a prostitute in Naples where she was discovered by her Uncle Ted who was on holiday from a bad marriage, and while not much more will be heard from him, Sasha will come to New York and attend N.Y.U. and work for Bennie before disappearing into the desert to sculpture and raise a family with her college boyfriend, Drew, while Bennie, assisted by Alex, a former date of Sasha’s from whom she lifted a wallet, soldiers on in New York, producing musicians (including the rediscovered guitarist Scotty) as the artistic world changes around him with the vertiginous speed of Moore’s Law."

If you still want to read it after that summary (and the point of the reviewer, by the way, is that plot is virtually irrelevant to Egan's "remarkable fiction"), we'll join you, as we could use some new LC book club members. We're especially excited about the book's 78-page reproduction of a Power-Point presentation!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Kickball Review / Pitchfork Review of the Week: Big Boi!

After a long absence from the stands, Richard returned to Hobbs last night for a 7:00match-up to watch his friends in the Eastsiders get (easily) trampled under the motorcycle boots of Slow Ride Roadhouse. There may have been fans watching kickball somewhere in Larryville on this lovely summer evening, but the bleachers at Hobbs were largely deserted save for: Richard; gentleman farmer Dave G; Brooklyn-via-Kansas hipster Captain Chanute; the second prettiest Replay bartendress (in our opinion); a Mohawked fellow lovingly carving his kickball cleats with a large and terrifying knife; and a cluster of old folks perhaps in attendance to support their hipster offspring (there is nothing here to be proud of, folks! move along! it's simply a bunch of drunk folks playing kickball). In the absence of any kind of on-field shenanigans, Richard and Dave entertained themselves by speculating on whether it would rain or not during the game. It didn't.

Verdict: 0 out of 4 PBRs (because none of Richard's friends on the team bothered to offer him a cool and shitty-tasting beverage).

---

Richard sometimes performs a few raps during set breaks by the Leotards* at Saturday night house parties on Missouri Street, and he's been looking for a few new tracks to add to his repertoire. Perhaps something from Big Boi's new album, Sir Lucious Left Foot: The Son of Chico Dusty, could be just what he's looking for. But does Pitchfork offer their essential seal of approval?

Boy, do they ever! The album gets an ultra-high 9.2. Let's look at some excerpts from the review:

"Musically, the album drips with 1980s synth-funk signifiers. The keyboards glimmer as they roam, and talkboxes mutter and blurt. But these tracks aren't the stoned miasmas that someone like Dâm-Funk cranks out. Instead, they're itchy and fleet-footed."

Nice description, Pitchfork, as always! Indeed, we might add that the tracks are so itchy you won't know whether to shake your ass or scratch your balls!

Pitchfork also offers this assessment of the Big Boi persona:

"He's hard enough to tell you to get the South's dick up out your motherfucking mouth and draw blood with the command, but he's also clever enough to slide away from threats just as quickly. He spends a large chunk of the album talking about sex, sounding like a fired-up 11-year-old goofing off in the back of some sort of prodigy-level English class."

That's pretty much the persona we've always been going for at the LC as well. Let's take a look at the chorus of Big Boi's "Fo Yo Sorrows."

"For those who think life is unfair
'cause I blow my smoke in the air
As if no one is standin there
Then I'll roll one tonight, fo' yo' sorrows
In my chair, as I sit back smiling from ear to ear
With a fistful of your girlfriend's hair
Yes, she'll blow one tonight, fo' yo' sorrows"


It takes a truly great rapper to discover the melancholia that lies behind an evening of weed and blowjobs. What a powerful image as Boi kicks back and takes his rewards while the sorrow-filled world rages on around him, as witnessed in the topical references that comprise the song's verses:

"'member when the levee scream, made the folks evacua-ezz
Yeah, I'm still speakin about it 'cause New Orleans ain't clean
When we shout Dirty South, I don't think that is what we mean"


He's right. That's not what we mean at all.

*Leotards = best local band you haven't heard.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Local Culture Via Twitter / The Boys' Box-Office Report

Yes, yes, we get it. Some of our older fans are bitter because the site is evolving beyond a private repository of boner and Chip jokes into something new that is actually occasionally read by local hipsters and townies. Get over it. After a long growth period "underground," we are ready to emerge into the Larryville sunlight and connect with our neighbors, social-media-style (primarily with strippers, of course, but also with Asteroid Heads, local bands, and fellow bloggers). Stick with us if you so desire (and, we promise, there WILL be occasional boners).

Today we highlight a few of our favorite recent discoveries about Larryville that might never have come to our attention without the magic of Twitter.

Over at this site-- http://larryweirdos.tumblr.com/ -- GriffNasty on synth and his partner Dr. Gamage on drums do weird things and document their "erratic behavior" on video. Perhaps we'll occasionally venture into such high-tech territory at the LC, but would you really want to see Chip grinding during DJ nights at the TapRoom?

We're also fond of unusual "tweeters," such as Abner the Owl, whose bio claims that he is "an ornery, avantpop, supertrash, hipster owl... with the ability to type." We don't get it, but it sure is odd. Abner's Twitter page also contains a useful list of "ladies of Lawrence," a quick resource for locating sexy, witty local tweeting ladies! Follow him here: www.twitter.com/abnertheowl

And of course we've known about the Asteroid Heads for a long time (judging from our long history of making fun of their work), but we didn't know they hosted live "freak-out" sessions which you can watch on-line (for those of us too scared to join in person).

Check one out here:

http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/8201068

Chip: "If the Larryville police wanted to get most of the 'shrooms off the street, I'd suggest raiding one of these 'freak-outs.'"

Readers, go forth and connect with these folks!


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Fanboys have waded through 23 years of sequels and franchise mash-ups (Alien vs. Predator) for a decent sequel to 1987's Predator (which they honestly believe to be a masterpiece). Will this weekend's Predators, opening with surprisingly strong critical reception, satisfy the geeks? Let's visit AICN.

CyberVishnu is not satisfied: "Pretty weak sauce, although Adrien Brody is pretty badass. Oh and for the record, PREDATOR 2 is the DEFINITIVE sequel to the original and it owns your grandfather's balls! King Willy will see you now."

Yoda's Ball Sack is also unhappy with the new film: "One word review of Predators............Turd."

And finally, That_Girl_From_The_Lowes_Commerc ials_GARGANTUAN_FOREHEAD says: "In conclusion, I never... EVER thought i would say this about a film, but i cannot deny it. "Predators" was actually worse than the following films: AVP, Resident Evil: Apocalypse, Transformers 2, Alien Resurrection, X-Men: Last Stand, Spiderman 3, and Ballistick: Ecks vs. Sever."

Chip: "What was wrong with Ballistick: Ecks vs. Sever?"

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Kickball Coverage / Ridiculous One-Man Band of the Day / "Baby Gaga" Contest on InkKC

Tomorrow night's Hobbs match-up between the Eastsiders and Slow Ride Roadhouse may not officially be the "game of the week," but it's getting a lot of press nonetheless. Let's check in with Sunday(s) in the Park for their take on the matter:

http://deronbelt.wordpress.com/

"The Eastsiders are still rebuilding the pieces of their KVKL legacy team. They have a core group of veteran, skilled women who have kept the team together and recruited a bunch of young, athletic guys who have demonstrated a quick learning curve. Slowride is coming out of the “pool of death” battle tested and ready, with an impressive win over Jazzhaus, a narrow loss to Red Lyon, and a convincing win over interpool opponent Liberty Hall. PREDICTION: winner gets bragging rights on the podcast. Here’s for some Cougar trash talk E 9 S 8"

Richard happened to be at Free State last night where most of the Eastsiders had gathered to talk shit about the game. Here's what he overheard:

Honorable Reverend H: "The Eastsiders haven't lost a single game since I rejoined the team and I don't see it happening against a bunch of biker pussies."

See you at Hobb's tomorrow at 7:00.

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If you missed Tuesday's NoBunny show but are still hoping to catch something utterly ridiculous this week, consider The Emotron at the Replay tonight. Yes, it sounds like a torture device in which one is strapped down and spun around and forced to listen to the entire oeuvre of Dashboard Confessional, but actually it's a one-man band described on the interweb as "a whirling dervish of high energy, synth-pop/punk songs thrown together in a sequencer and belched out live on stage in one of the most over the top, totally committed, maniacal, one man band performances in the history of music."

And here's a live review of an Emotron show:

"This dude is one of the best performers around, I swear. 7 outfit changes (including a leotard and zebra striped tights) and a crotch fire later we’re all sweaty and out of breath from dancing and smiling to classics like “As Your Teenage Vagina Bleeds,” “1989,” and other things that can probably get you arrested."

A chorus of Larryville hipsters: "Awww, this sounds great but I was planning to join all my friends at the Old Canes gig at the Jackpot tonight and talk loudly in the back during their entire set."

Your loss, hipsters.

---

Since Lawrence.com continues to suck, we find ourselves turning more and more to coverage in InkKC, which still produces a hard copy (whose first pages reveal that it is staffed almost entirely by women we'd love to bone) and features awesome contests such as the "Baby Gaga" competition, in which readers are asked to submit photos of their offspring dressed as Lady Gaga.

Chip: "I'll bet a lot of the entries come from the gay baby scene in Larryville."

Go here for a chance to win a contest and permanently scar your beloved children.

http://www.inkkc.com/content/enter-fyis-baby-gaga-contest

Friday, July 9, 2010

Weekend Picks for Foodies and Hipsters

With the extreme success of Kra.se's two downtown eateries, along with our new European bistro 715, Larryville is increasingly becoming a town of ultra-pompous foodies. If you've got $150 dollars in your pocket tonight, the place to be is the "Winemaker Dinner" at the Oread Hotel, part of Larryville's "Salute! A Festival of Wine and Food" and, yes, the exclamation point is part of the name). We're having trouble accessing a full menu right now but, given the town's current proclivities, every course is almost certain to include at least some bunny meat.

In an effort to improve their foodie vocabularies, the boys have begun paying careful attention to food writing, particularly that of the New York Times, where they routinely encounter sentences such as this:

"Mr Redzepi pairs a pulp of air-dried sea buckthorn with pickled rose hips in one amuse-bouche."

Chip: "I'm pretty sure that 'amuse-bouche' is a foodie term for a dish that's a bit ridiculous, or perhaps funny-looking. For instance, it would be proper to say: 'Kra.se's rabbit-dog is a real amuse-bouche!'"

As for the hipster world, there's only one place to be tonight, the Tap Room, where local hero Dri's new band, Extra Classic, will pack the basement with sweaty hipsters who may be too busy trying to sound knowledgeable about "dub" and Dri's previous work to bother dancing. Yes, we all know that The Anniversary's Your Majesty played a huge, formative role in your development as a discerning consumer of local music but please shut up and shake your ass to "Congo Rebel."

Check out Extra Classic here:

http://www.myspace.com/extraclassicband

Make sure to get there early (which probably means 11:30 or so) to check out opener Tommy Ferrari and the Future Motor Machines. According to Lawrence.com, their "radtastic biker pop is futuristically motorlicious."

Richard: "I was honestly considering going to the show until I read that line."

You might also be interested in watching local rock journalist Kacie Faye's interview with the band:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inGEiTd9HOQ

Kacie follows us on Twitter. Will she interview the boys soon?

Thursday, July 8, 2010

A Johnson County Perspective on Larryville / Spot the Scenester (A PBR Contest)

Johnson County often gets a bad rap among Larryville liberals, but perhaps we should not be so hasty. After all, consider how much of our cultural landscape in Larryville is flavored by the lovely sorostitutes who sprang from the fertile loins of Johnson County housewives. At any rate, the boys are fascinated by the suburban culture to their east, and often keep tabs on it through such sources such as www.435southmag.com ("The Magazine of South Johnson County").

A recent post from the site features ideas for a romantic "date night" in Larryville (in case you want to leave your McMansion for an evening of slumming in quaint, bohemian Larryville). So where should Johnson Countians go when they visit our fair city? Let's look at some excerpts from the piece, interspersed with our thoughts on the matter:

"...for happy hour you’ll want to plant yourself at The Oread’s Terrace on Fifth. Arguably the best view in Lawrence, the fifth floor spot affords a nearly 360-degree perspective on the city, including Memorial Stadium, the Campanile bell tower, downtown Lawrence, the Kaw River and too-many-to-count points between and beyond."

Richard: "Yes, if one wants a true taste of Larryville, the first place to go is obviously the Oread Inn. Also, we don't have 'happy hour' in Kansas. It's illegal."

Chip: "Sure, it's a nice view, but one's attention is often drawn away from the serene, polluted waters of the Kaw toward the numerous stabbings and muggings down below in the student ghetto."

But where should one go for dinner?

"Lawrence’s newest Latin/Mexican restaurant, Esquina, is already a Lawrence landmark, and we haven’t even talked about its food yet...To call Esquina “Chipotle for adults” is to risk underselling it. While the restaurant is—like the chain comparison—fast-casual in style, the food is decidedly flavorful, innovative and a downright must-try for the adult foodie palate."


Somewhere, Robert Kra.se is crying right now at any review that even mentions Chipotle in the same sentence as his instant landmark. Sorry, Bob! (and please introduce a delicious rabbit taco, as soon as possible).

Another dining possibility is 715:

"715 exudes a New York-like bistro vibe (small, close-together tables, exposed brick, lots of flickering votives) and the crowd seems simultaneously urbane and eclectic. Clientele on a recent weekend night included KU’s athletic director and his wife; a same-sex couple with pink and orange-dyed hair; and a family with young children."

Richard: "Yes, Larryville contains a few gay people. It's not polite to stare."

Then it's time for after-dinner drinks:

"If you’re not sure whether you’re craving a chocolate martini or café mocha after your post-dinner stroll, The Bourgeois Pig has both. Just steps east from 9th and Mass, “The Pig” (as locals call it), has a loyal following. Townies and intellectuals mix happily here; you could almost visualize the next great American novel being written nightly via laptop at the bar."

It's pretty to think this way, but the truth is that NO ONE at the Pig is happy (Chip: "That's why they dress all in black") and the only things likely being written on those laptops are dissertations with four colons in the title and snarky blogs like this one.

For "a little night music," the website recommends the Barrel House (Richard: "For fuck's sake, if you want a dueling piano bar, stay in Kansas City!") and the Bottleneck:

"Devotees of harder-core music who can’t wait to discover the next 2010 equivalent to Everclear will want to revisit The Bottleneck...If looking at piercings gone wild makes you squeamish, don’t go. But if you like your beer from a bottle and you remember your alternative phase fondly, follow the thrashing sounds of music a block east to 7th and New Hampshire."

Readers, when WILL the next Everclear emerge to save contemporary music?

And when will Lawrence.com provide a similar article with tips for a "date night" in Johnson County? (answer: they won't. But there are some nice recipes on Lawrence.com right now!).


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Now that our readership has (slightly) expanded to include a few of the movers and shakers who have heretofore existed only as targets, our "Spot the Scenester" contest should work much better.

Here are the rules. Check out this A. Rusc.n photo from the recent Mammoth Life show at Love Garden, and the first one who recognizes the scenester(s) and identifies them in the comments section gets a free PBR. If the picture happens to be of you, we'll award you with two PBRs.

(Richard: "Ten bucks says @BARRR is going to win this.").

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The Boys Look at a Series of Patriotic Pictures / The LC's Summer Book Club / A New Fan Stops by the LC!

Larryville tried very hard to host a successful, family-friendly, Independence Day weekend (bike races! street dances! local food festivals!), but the latter part of the weekend was, by all standards, a wash-out (Richard's beer cup kept refilling with rainwater during Sunday evening's torrential downpour).

Kansas City, on the other hand, realized that all one really needs to have fun on the Fourth is a roomful of shit-faced women in red, white, and blue socks, dancing on a bar. Here are a few shots from InkKC's slideshow of the Fourth of July festivities at KC's Fuel American Made Bar and Grill.





























Richard: "I sometimes wonder why we bother hanging around in Larryville at all when there are women in KC who actually like to fuck."

Chip: "I agree, on the whole, although I think you might have witnessed a similar site at Larryville's Cadillac Ranch on the 4th. But what interests me are the sophisticated women who hang out in KC's Power and Light District, women whose idea of a romantic evening is dinner at the Cheescake Factory, a few $18 dollar beers in the P&L, and then screwing in a bubble-bath while listening to Michael Buble. It's just a whole different world over there that I suspect we'll never be a part of."

Richard: "Right. I would never pay that much for a Miller Lite."

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In this wildly unpopular feature, we endorse certain books that we are reading. Now that we have finished Justin Cronin's apocalyptic vampire saga The Passage (soon to be a shitty Ridley Scott film at a theater near you) and laughed our asses off at Sam Lipsyte's The Ask (if we could write like Lipsyte, we'd quit this blog immediately), we have turned to the current buzz-book of the summer: Adam Ross's tale of murder and marriage, Mr. Peanut. Stephen King (who offers extravagant praise on damn near every book you pick up in the bookstore) calls Ross's novel "The most riveting look at the dark side of marriage since Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf"

As we're only 100-ish pages in, we're not prepared to fully agree or disagree, but the book has, at the very least, provided us with a delightful new turn of phrase: "as obvious as a boner in pajamas" (Ross 73).

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The LC welcomes new reader Anna Undercover, who offered kind words and no lawsuits in yesterday's comments section. Thanks for reading, Anna, and we'd totally have coffee with you sometime, as we have never (to our knowledge, at least) had coffee with a local stripper before. Let's meet soon to discuss social media and lapdances.

Chip: "I'll make sure not to wear my pajamas."

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

The Transmittens Need Your Vote! / The LC Sells Out!

Readers, it's the time of the year to cast your ballots for the annual PitchWeekly Music Awards, and we want to take some time today to offer a few of our personal picks.

First, we are DELIGHTED to see Transmittens get a nomination in the "best pop" category (although its too bad "twee" isn't yet locally popular enough to warrant its own category). What would summer be like without "Meet Me At the Swings" and "Balloons in the Sky" on endless repeat? We don't know...and we don't want to know.

The "indie rock" category features some of the toughest match-ups. Obviously, Rooftop Vigilantes have garnered the most national buzz of late, and we'd probably vote for them if they weren't too hip to "follow" us on Twitter. Since they are, we're going instead with Noise FM, who DO follow us on Twitter and also because they are from Forttt Scottt and old friends of Chip. InkKC says their new EP, Enclave, "contains catchy hooks, clean riffs, and easy-to-digest vocal and lyrical content, all accessible to a casual, mainstream listener."

Chip: "In Forttt Scottt we like our riffs clean and our hooks catchy. When we hear a song like the Vigilantes' 'Seth No Jump,' to be honest, it scares the fuck out of us!"

Finally, in the "Emerging Act" category, we're solid supporters of Mammoth Life, primarily because we're suckers for a band that wears snazzy uniforms:















Go here to vote on-line:

http://polls.pitch.com/polls/kcp/musicballot10/


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Just as hipsters turn against their favorite bands at the first signs of increased popularity, so too has the recent fame of the LC (and by fame we mean four new readers) begun to create a backlash. Let's look at some of our "hate mail" from the comments section.

I'm With Chip says: "What the fuck is this shit? *sigh* This is going to turn into a fucking commune. I'm bringing the pipe swingers. The purge must begin!"

And this one is our favorite (hilarious! does it belong to Cl.thier?):

How Dare He?! says: "I can tell Richard has already changed...notice Chip was completely absent from this (boner joke-free) post? And Richard mentions Esquina with nary a smart-ass comment about pork butt tacos with squash and granny smith apple slaw! Sellout. Goodbye, Harry Lupus."

Richard: "Truly, it was an oversight on my part not to toss in an Esquina joke, but let me make up for it by promoting the delicious 'rabbit dog' at the new Burger Stand. Yes, it's a hot dog, but with rabbit meat. As soon as 715 started selling rabbit, a foodie bandwagon began. Within weeks, we predict it's going to be hard NOT to eat a fucking rabbit for lunch around here. Now, as for the blog selling out by expanding our readership, well, there may be some truth in that. But in return it means that Anna Undercover now follows us on Twitter. Will she offer us a discounted lapdance for all the free publicity the LC has given to her blog? Let's hope so."

Monday, July 5, 2010

The NoBunny Show is Tomorrow! / Weekly Twitter Re-Cap

It's been such a long and lazy holiday weekend that not a single one of our usual readers nor any of our 93 new Twitter "disciples" has bothered to stop by and say hello. Oh well. Our work continues anyway.

We've already showcased tomorrow night's NoBunny show at the Jackpot weeks ago, but as it draws nigh, let's take a closer look at what hipsters are in store for. Here's an interweb concert review:

"The set was a raucous tromp through R&B via punk rock, delivered by a guy in underwear, fishnets, a leather jacket, and a bunny mask."

And this one is even better:

"...just when it seemed like NOBUNNY himself (the man behind the bunny prefers to never reveal his true identity) wasn't going to show, a creature clothed in nothing but a terrifying mask/wig combo, a t-shirt, some tight briefs and a pair of high heels slithered through the crowd (on the ground, on his stomach) and onto the stage. What followed was a much-needed half-hour shot in the arm of crunchy, lo-fi, one-to-three-minute blasts of fun. NOBUNNY worked the house like James Brown, drinking from one of his high heels, stripping off his t-shirt, slipping into headliner Gentleman Jesse's "I Don't Wanna Know" mid-song and inspiring the crowd to sing along in gaping awe throughout."

And perhaps you'll want to arrive early enough to witness opening act Wayne Payne and the Shit Stains. As for us, we're fans of the band's song titles (such as "Sig Heil to the Lady" and "Daddy's Got a Dirty Book"), but we can't make it through a whole song on their Myspace without covering our ears.

Here's the bunny:


















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In our second full week of Twitter, we have rocketed up to 93 followers, thanks largely to the help of a local social-media maven who is the on-line content manager for the Sandbar. Thanks for all the good press! In other important Twitter news, Richard "took a meeting" down at Esquina last week with two local movers-and-shakers in the arts scene, one of whom got in touch via Twitter, praised this blog, and expressed interest in creating a successor to the rapidly failing Lawrence.com. It was agreed that Larryville's cultural scene is in great need of a resource that not only offers a (correct) schedule of local events but actually COVERS some of said events in a mix of informal and scholarly voices. Richard vowed to be a willing contributor to such a site, if anyone had the technological know-how to get it up and running. Gentlemen (and AsteroidHeads), let's get this shit up and running!


(in other Twitter news, we are still unlaid and unpublished, with no production deals despite one afternoon spent trying to interact with the great Martin Starr, who you may know as Roman on the hilarious-but-just-cancelled Party Down and Bill Haverchuck on the late, great Freaks and Geeks).

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Recent Concert Reviews: Split Lip Rayfield Rides Again at the Replay

Last night's triumphant return to the Replay by Split Lip Rayfield provoked two very different reactions.

Hipsters, who loved the band a decade ago, felt that the 10 dollar cover charge was an outrage on par with a fucking genocide, and steered clear (with the exception of a few hardcore fans and some friends and family of the band).

Hippies, who have only recently discovered the band through festival appearances over the last few years, believed the 10 dollar cover charge was the bargain of the year, and packed the place accordingly.

The result: a rare Replay gig where those in attendance actually seemed to be enjoying themselves!

Spotted on the dance floor: a hippie baby wearing gigantic earphones (presumably to keep the sound muffled but possibly for listening to some sweet grooves?); a hippie wearing a hunting vest atop a tie-dyed T-shirt (Richard believed he was trying to suggest something about the duality of man* ); and a Mohawked fellow standing behind his girlfriend and violently jerking her arms up and down to make her dance in a creepy marionette-like fashion.

Verdict: four out of four PBR's. This was Split Lip Fucking Rayfield, after all, proceeding valiantly without Kirk and managing to impress young fans with their lightning-fast style and without an ounce of hippie-noodling!

*That's a Full Metal Jacket reference, in case you (like Chip) watch nothing but Twilight films.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Local Art Wins Prestigious Prize / The Boys Gaze Upon the New (and Improved?) Wonder Woman

Readers, Matthew Farley's public art piece, Frozen Assets, has been displayed twice in KU's Chi Omega fountain over the years, and it has now been chosen as one of the 40 best public art displays in the US and Canada by a group known as Americans for the Arts. The LC first considered this dispaly way back on Dec. 18, 2008. Let's look at our original post:

"Winter break is about to begin on campus after one more day of finals, but a new work of 'public art' has been installed on the Chi Omega Fountain just in time for the last days of exams and will remain on display through February. KU Senior Matthew Farley's piece, "Frozen Assets," consists of around 1000 plastic water bottles arranged to mimic flowing water. “I wanted to approach the idea of a fountain and what that could mean and how it might be related to the way we consume water,” explains Farley (LJ-World.com).

Chip: "First off, Farley, a fountain is not an 'idea'. Second, I don't like the idea of 'art' tainting the sacredness of this fountain, which is known as a place where sorostitutes from the nearby houses frolic naked in the spring and occasionally fuck in, according to 'Sex on the Hill.' "

Richard: "One of my New Year's resolutions is to bang a sorostitute in that fountain in 2009."


As it turns out, Richard never did bang a sorostitute in that fountain, perhaps because the damn thing is so often full of water-bottle art.

Anyway, congratulations to Matthew Farley on the award!

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Horny comic book geeks who have spent their lives jerking off to Wonder Woman fantasies were dismayed this week by new changes in the iconic figure:

"Gone are the ample red bustier, star-flecked hot pants (or are they panties?) and red knee-high boots, a 1940s-pinup look that Lynda Carter brought to life in the 1970s TV series. Now, Wonder Woman, aka Diana Prince, wears black leggings or tights. She sports a motorcycle jacket and little bootie-like shoes. Her tiara is there, but mostly covered by her flowing hair. She looks less like Wonder Woman and more like a modern-day urban hipster with perhaps a costume on under her clothes" (AP).

Here's the new look:




















Richard: "Actually, I like the idea of an 'urban hipster' Wonder Woman who gets her powers from drinking PBR and lassoes villainous hipsters who enjoy the wrong bands."

Our feminist readers: "The new look allows us to focus more on Wonder Woman's achievements and less on her 'look,' the sexiness of which has always belied her considerable power. This has been a long time coming."

Chip: "New Wonder Woman barely even gives me a boner. I'll stick with Power Girl:

Friday, July 2, 2010

The Continuing Advantages of Tweeting!

One of the great things about "following" a lot of local hipster enterprises on Twitter is that we can keep constant tabs on what albums people are spinning...and then we can listen to those same albums...and then we can impress, say, the record geeks down at Love Garden with our knowledge...and then, finally, we can apply said knowledge in bars in an attempt to get laid.

Let's explain how this works.

In a post this morning, the folks at Rathaus are raving about the new Wavves album:

"Listen up: #Wavves' new album King of the Beach is streaming now http://bit.ly/9uoJvh Tricia sez "its awesome"...agreed!....@wavveswavves"

So we check out the stream and, because hipsters cannnot fully trust their own opinions or those of unknown sources (who is this Tricia?), we also head over to Pitchfork to see if the album receives a suitably high ranking. And it certainly does: 8.4. Here's an excerpt from the latter part of the review:

"Even though the double-time slamdancer "Post Acid" reminds me of everything that was good about Lookout! or Epitaph, Williams lets us in on his sense of a good time before an impassioned delivery of one of 2010's most anthemic choruses: "Misery, won't you comfort me in my time of need?"

At this point, we're ready to chat about Wavves. And late tonight, drunk at the TapRoom, we'll probably use an almost directly plagiarized line from that excerpt on an equally drunk lady hipster ("Doesn't the new Wavves remind you of me of everything that was good about Lookout! or Epitaph?") Such a technique is usually safe because (A) most hipsters rarely read past the first paragraph of a Pitchfork review and (B) remember that we will both be very drunk! The line, we presume, will be sufficiently impressive to lead to drunken, boring hipster sex, almost certainly while listening to the new Wavves album (Chip: "Although it's a little louder and faster than what I usually like to fuck to.").

Thank us later if this technique works for you too. In the meantime, listen to the album here:

http://www.fatpossum.com/promo_pages/wavves

Here's the album cover:

Thursday, July 1, 2010

A Visit to the Style Scout! / More Praise for the LC

For those of us who enjoy local cultural coverage, the devolution of Lawrence.com is a sad thing. Recent headlines include: "A guide to tomatoes: Picking the right type for your needs" and "Double Take: Aunt fears niece’s clothing too provocative." Come on, Lawrence.com! Your readers are local hipsters. We don't want a farmer's almanac or a tween-age advice column. We want to know if last night's Rooftop Vigilantes show was fucking awesome or not.

Luckily, a few good things remain on the site. We enjoy Chewyfally's "I Heart Local Music" columns and, most of all, Style Scout, which returns today with a visit to two patrons of the Replay Lounge (which is presumably where our Scouter, Caitlin Donnelly, was hanging out when she realized her deadline was approaching).

This week's first subject is Audrey Singer, whose fashion influences are "Winona Ryder’s character in “Reality Bites,” [and] Bettie Page and Helen Hunt in “Girls Just Want to Have Fun.” Her least favorite fashion trend is "anything with words on the butt." Audrey would like to see more "proper grammar usage" and "creative high-fiving" in Larryville, and people tell her that she looks like Katie Holmes.

Chip: "I'd high-five her very creatively, if you catch my meaning. Actually, I'm not even sure what I mean by that, or if it's even a sexual innuendo."

Richard: "Personally, I love when women wear clothing with words on the butt, because it provides more of a reason for staring at butts, which I believe to be the intention of that particular fashion trend."




















Next up is Joel Brummett, who describes his style as "Country-western, dirty townie and redneck nerd." Joel defines his current favorite fashion trends in this manner: "Florescent bright shirts with black lettering, big sunglasses, short shorts and slip-ons are pretty sweet right now." His least favorite trends are "flip-flops on men" and mustaches.

Here's Joel, but please go to Lawrence.com for another picture of the cool William S. Burroughs tattoo on his arm:

























So, are they stylish, or aren't they?


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Okay, so we didn't make the "Chicken Monkey Duck" video currently linked in our sidebar (although we certainly wish we had such skills), but we did bring it to your attention, and we are being thanked for doing so.

Honorable Reverend H: "That 'Chicken Monkey Duck' song is the best thing on the LC in ages and possibly the best thing on the internet, ever."