Sunday, January 31, 2010

The Boys' Country Corner is Back! (Grammy Edition) / Plus, Miss America Recap

This year's Grammy Awards are mere hours away and the boys are excited. It's expected to be a big year for Taylor Swift, who has racked up an impressive array of awards already this year. Let's take a look at the chorus of "Fearless," the title track of her album.

"Cause I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first
Fearless
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance in a storm in my best dress
Fearless"



Chip: "Swift is misleadingly considered a doe-eyed innocent, a counterpart to the sexually-saturated lyrics of most other female singer-songwriters, but in the chorus above we see a disturbing penchant for 'rough sex' in the imagery of her suitor dragging her around head-first, which she claims to enjoy ("I don't know how it gets better than this")."

Richard: "She claims to enjoy it, yes, but I think that the following line about the dress and the storm, suggesting as it does a reckless disregard for personal safety, illustrates a confusion on her own part ("I don't know why") which suggests she's actually been coerced into these behaviors, almost hypnotized, if you will. It's a powerful warning to young women about how falling for 'bad boys' can lead to trouble."

Captain Chanute: "I really should have screwed this chick when she was in Larryville last semester."

---

The boys always root for Miss Kansas and Miss Arkansas in the Miss America Pageant (mainly because they feel like there's slightly more of a chance of meeting and banging them). But last night's winner was Miss Virginia (pictured below), who took the crown "after strutting in a skintight yellow dress, belting Beyonce's 'Listen' from Dreamgirls, and telling kids they should get outside more often" (interweb).

Chip: "I'd like to bang her, Beyonce-style, in the great outdoors."

Richard: "What seems like mere vulgarities on Chip's part is actually a reference to yesterday's (much funnier) blog post."

Saturday, January 30, 2010

The Boys Consider Today's Sunflower Showdown and Miss America Pageant!

Readers, yesterday was "Kansas Day," a statewide lovefest to celebrate the entrance of Kansas into the union, primarily celebrated by innumerable drunken renditions of "Home on the Range." And, despite the distressing lack of "annual" festivities on the Eastside of Larryville, the day was still a great success. But that was yesterday.

Today is a day for pure, irrational hatred as KU takes on its in-state rival K-State in the "Sunflower Showdown" (Captain Chanute: "Fuck those toothless fucks."). Richard is expected to watch from a local tavern (likely Harbour, as a desperate game requires a desperate bar), while Chip is slated to maintain his usual tradition of avoiding this game entirely, retiring to a Forttt Scottt cornfield to read poetry for a few hours in blissful ignorance of whatever's going down in Manhattan.

An LJ-World piece today warns that "K-State fans have returned to chicken-throwing roots," so it is fair to assume that having a great team this year won't lead K-State fans to abandon their savage behaviors: "The tradition of hurling live chickens on the court was rekindled — KSU security had put a stop to it during the Roy Williams and Bill Self eras — two seasons ago. That’s when a solitary chicken hit the hardwood on Jan. 30, 2008."

See you at the bar.

---

Though the Miss America Pageant has, by many accounts, lost some of its luster in recent years, the boys are still huge fans and plan to gather after the game tonight for their usual tradition of getting drunk during the pageant while playing a Clue-like game that consists of shouting how and where they'd like to bang each of the contestants ("Miss Arkansas, reverse cowgirl, in a canoe in the Ozarks!").

Offer your own suggestions in the comments section. Winner gets a free PBR this spring at the Replay.

Friday, January 29, 2010

The Boys' Box-Office Report / Hipster Pick of the Day

Well-known lunatic Mel Gibson makes his return to the multiplex this weekend in the revenge-thriller Edge of Darkness, his first lead performance since 2002's Signs. Are moviegoers ready to forgive his drunken Anti-semitism and take comfort in his patented cinematic head-bashing, or is the film best avoided? Let's see what the fanboys at AICN have to say:

Skyway Moaters says: "He's not a good actor. He is a racist anti-semitic bastard. On top of that he has not aged well AT ALL. He's CREEPY now. Wrinkly and grotesque. I Don't blame George Miller one bit for wanting to keep a wide berth of this motherfucker for his Mad Max SEQUEL. The son-of-a-bitch is batshit crazy IMO, and all you sycophantic fanboys who suck his syphilitic dick can kiss my ass!"

NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks says: "Skyway Moaters, have fun with Steel Magnolia's and The SisterHood of the Travelling Pants. I'll be off watching Edge of Darkness. Y'know, the new movie starring a dramatic/action icon and directed by the guy who reinvented Bond TWICE with Goldeneye and Casino Royale."


---

Hipsters who show up early to hear Pitchfork-approved Fat Possum recording artist AA Bondy at the Jackpot tonight may find themselves on local television soon: the opening set by Kaitlyn Conroy (last year's Farmer's Ball winner) is being recorded for an episode of Turnpike. Conroy's debut has received strong reviews from Pitchweekly: "...perfect for curling up in a blanket with some headphones on and staying inside."

Chip: "Then why should I go out to hear it?"

Kaitlyn's Myspace lists such instruments as the "trumzoo" (which we assume is some sort of unholy combination of trumpet and kazoo?) and "sleigh bells" as part of the band's sound and includes this picture of the band members:















Richard: "Conroy's good, but I prefer Hawley Shoffner."

Thursday, January 28, 2010

If It's Thursday, It Must Be Time for Style Scout! / This Week in Bluegrass News / And the Boys Check in With Their Old Friend Dr. C!

The boys have been fascinated by local ukulele-strumming songstress Hawley Shoffner since encountering her at the Farmer's Ball two years ago (she won, of course). Today she's featured on Lawrence.com's "Style Scout," and it's as intriguing as you might expect.

Hawley describes her style as: "Gussied-up grandma. I like to wear plaid skirts, knee highs and tucked-in shirts (I almost always button the top button on button-down shirts) with old lady accessories ("Hopalong Cassidy" ring, my grandma's pearls, diamond earrings, a gaudy gold bracelet, etc.)" And as for her fashion influences: "Anna Karina's plaid skirts in "Band of Outsiders," Gena Rowlands' large sunglasses in "Opening Night," Katharine Hepburn's trousers, and French Yé-yé girls."

Richard: "Okay, did this woman really just reference Godard and Cassavetes in the same sentence? I think I'd like to get together and discuss some Bertolucci, perhaps while reenacting certain moments from Last Tango in Paris, if you catch my meaning."

Chip: "I don't, at all. But I'm fascinated by her comment about how she'd like to see "more bars with TVs so I can easily watch my sports programs." This chick needs to get out of Henry's once in awhile. Even the TapRoom has a TV, for goodness' sake, where she can watch her sporting contests."

Hawley's Style Scout photo is fantastic (click to enlarge). Let's take a look, followed by commentary from some of the LC's new characters.




















Honorable Reverend H: "I find her carefully-cultivated schoolgirl look disturbing, a little disturbing."

Captain Chanute: "I find her carefully-cultivated schoolgirl look gives me a boner the size of southeast Kansas."

---

For a brief time, Dempseys Burger Stand was home not only to pompous sandwiches ("I'll have the Tuscan Goat Burger with duck-fat fries, please!") but also to weekly bluegrass nights. Sadly, the ASCAP (American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers) threatened to fine the venue due to performances of copyrighted material at these open-mic affairs (Dempsey's is an unlicensed venue for live music, it seems).

Cl.thier: "Is this what happened to my monthly gigs at the Yacht Club?"

Luckily, the Granada has agreed to play host to a monthly bluegrass jam (Mudstomp Mondays), so you can still hear plenty covers of John Hartford's "Steam-powered aeroplane" in town (but not while eating a goatburger).

Today's Lawrence.com offers the full scoop along with an excellent picture of local jammer Dave Barnhill. Surely you've met him many times at the Replay's Sunday evening shows:














---

Our good friend Dr. C. is back in action lately at his blog, Stately Pleasure Domes. Check him out here:

http://www.cavernsmeasureless.blogspot.com/

His newest entry offers a look at "naughty librarian" fantasies that will certainly be of interest to many of our LC-readers. Here's an excerpt, in which the transition from the academic to the 'low-brow' makes Chip giggle:

"The naughty librarian, by virtue of beginning as a symbol of the proper, unreachable, and asexual that is then corrupted into a lusty voluptuary, reenacts this essential fantasy. Consider, for example, the beginning of Horny Licking Librarian...".

Dr. C, we miss you at Quinton's and are using your link to download a copy of Horny Licking Librarian as we speak!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The Boys Consider This Weekend's Grammy Awards / Geek Band of the Week / More Eddie Money Coverage!

In the album of the year category, the boys have two favorites this year: the Dave Matthews Band's Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King and Lady Gaga's The Fame.

Here's an excerpt from Matthews' "Shake Me Like a Monkey" off the new record:

can't stop thinking 'bout you
Yeah yeah yeah
Why would I want to
I like my coffee with toast and
Jelly but I'd rather be licking
From your back to your belly


Richard: "I've said a lot of bad things about Dave Matthews over the years, about how his frat boy anthems have served as the background to a lot of evenings of date-raping, but I think we can see that he's really matured as a songwriter with this new effort."

Chip: "It seems strange to limit his licking to that particular area, back to belly, and I think it's ultimately suggestive of a kind of innocence that belies the seemingly explicit sexual nature of the song."

But more likely to win is Lady Gaga, whose song "Poker Face" has been omnipresent. Here are a few lyrics:


"I won't tell you that I love you
kiss or hug you
cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin
I'm not lyin' I'm just stunnin' with my love-glue gunnin'"


Chip: "I hate when girls bluff with their muffins, but I love this song. And did you know there's a parody of this song called "No Poker Face" (which has become very popular down in Forttt Scottt) that is performed by Megan Phelps of that gay-hating Topeka congregation. There's even a video, which you may want to check out (perhaps not while at work). Basically it's about how God hates "Lady Gay-Gay," and will destroy her. Megan's dance moves are surprisingly awesome:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TEgxBOtAOIM


---

But maybe you're looking for a band that's a little out of the mainstream? Perhaps a good old-fashioned pop-punk band whose songs are entirely about Star Wars and will help you forget that the Avatards have now made Cameron's new flick officially the top-grossing film of all time?

If so, check out Sex Wing Starfighter. With songs like " Stuck In The Outer Rim," "Sarlacc," "She Drives A Speederbike To School," and "My Droid," you can easily forget all about Cameron's Smurfy-looking Na'vi's and slip back into a simpler time, when popular movies were occasionally good.

You can download the album, free!, right here:

http://sexwingstarfighter.bandcamp.com/

(Thanks to local "rock star journalist" Nick Spac.k for tipping us off to these sweet tunes. Richard has been rocking with "She Drives a Speederbike to School" all day!)


---

And thanks to Cl.thier for contributing the LC's Picture of the Week, in which a confused-looking Eddie Money hangs out with Bob Knight at the Fieldhouse on Monday:

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

KU vs. Mizzou Recap / And the Boys Consider Entertainment Weekly's List of TV's Biggest Bombs

The hatred of Missouri was almost palpable during KU's solid thrashing of the Tigers last night, and the boys took in the proceedings with the "desperate and crazy people" (Reverend H.) down at Harbour Lights. The crowd consisted of the usual mix of almost-hipsters (local bluegrass songstress Alison Olassa was in the house!) and Harbour regulars (that loud raspy-voiced good-ole-boy at the bar, who kept shouting unintelligible things about "the Outlaw Josey Wales").

This year's contest will be remembered as the year when Markieff Morris finally comprehended why we must hate everyone from Missouri: "They (Missourians) came and they killed the horses and the wives, the families. That type of stuff" (LJ-World) as well as the year that famous recording artist Eddie ("Two Tickets to Paradise") Money sang the national anthem at the Fieldhouse: "My son goes to junior college. I wish he was here today to see how beautiful the girls are who go to school in the Midwest. I've been to UCLA, all over the place. The prettiest girls in the country are right here" (LJ-World).

Chip: "I hope one of the players was nice enough to hook Money up with some pussy after the game."

---

This week's Entertainment Weekly cover story offers a list of TV's "50 Biggest Bombs" (by which they mean biggest mistakes). Number one on EW's list is moving Jay Leno to primetime. But the list also does a nice job of dipping back in time to consider "mistakes" that may have been forgotten, such as when the Dukes of Hazzard replaced Bo and Luke with their two cousins, Coy and Vance, due to contract disputes with the lead actors.

Richard: "Coy and Vance really weren't that bad. At the LC, we've actually been considering replacing Chip with a similar character named 'Captain Chanute,' who is also from southeast Kansas (Chanute) but is significantly more vulgar than Chip."

Chip: "But I just made a pussy joke earlier in today's post! Also, this blog seems to be getting a bit 'meta' lately. Isn't it enough for me to just stick around and criticize things for being 'not art?'"

Monday, January 25, 2010

The Boys Follow Coach S.lf's Twitter Account! / Also: Continuing Coverage of the Most Important Local Show of the Year

Now that the official twitter page of Coach S.lf is up and running, the boys are followers and wait patiently for each new message. Here's the newest one, from last night:

"Sitting here at henry ts with coach keller. What a fb game. Biggest games usually come down to a play or 2. Ton of students camping out 4 mu "

Chip: "Gosh, he soundz just like u and me! What I like best about his tweets is that they apprise me of his location, and then I can 'accidentally' show up and bump into him. He seemed a little annoyed last night when I ate one of his fries."

Follow the coach at http://twitter.com/coachbillself

---

Each year the boys join Pitchfork and pretentious music blogs across the land in championing a few important bands. Last year it was Grizzly Bear and Dirty Projectors. This year it's Surfer Blood. The first thing that stands out about Surfer Blood is that they are actually fun to listen to (a rarity these days). Pitchfork explains:

"Perhaps unsurprisingly, Surfer Blood spent the latter part of 2009 touring with Japandroids, who, along with BOAT and Cymbals Eat Guitars align in a faux-genre some of us have jokingly referred to as "alt-bro"-- guitar-heavy indie rock that's probably influenced by Pavement, likely about girls, and almost certainly made by people who at first blush sound more fun to get a beer with than, say, Dirty Projectors."

Richard: "The 'alt-bro' movement trades the Jaeger shots and continual casual sex of the bros for PBR and the occasional dutiful boning of one's boring girlfriend, but the bands are enjoyable and I will totally attend Surfer Blood's Replay show in March."

Pitchfork, by the way, gives their debut album, Astro Coast, an impressive 8.2.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

The Boys Consider the LJ-World's "Lawrence Bucket List" / Also: Is it Art, or Isn't It?

Today's LJ-World offers a (largely predictable) list of things one MUST do while living in Larryville. Let's take a look at a few of them.

Checking in at #1: "Attend a KU basketball game in Allen Fieldhouse." (Chip: "They forgot to specify that it must be a men's KU basketball game, but I suppose that's understood.").

And at #7: "Let a parade pass you by." (Richard: "Larryville is becoming known for increasingly quirky 'parades' such as the Zombie Walk and Truckstop Honeymoon's 'Mardi Gras in Kansas' parade, both of which are noted in the article. Even something as old-fashioned as parades has a touch of hipsterism in Larryville, and that's a good thing."

But the LJ-World's list of "honorable mentions" is far more interesting, and contains ideas such as:

"Go to the Victor Continental Show." (Richard: "When I take my seat at the Victor show and listen to our host say 'So there I was...' and the audience respond 'Balls deep!,' it's as powerful and moving as a church service.").

"Honk for hemp." (Chip: "Not happening.").

"Flash a peace sign to Rob "Precious Love" Blank." (Richard: "Wow, we have learned the real names of both White Owl and Precious Love this weekend!").

"Slurp soup at the Souper Bowl at the Lawrence Arts Center." (Chip: "What the fuck?").

All in all, the honorable mentions are interesting, but they forgot an important one: "Bang a sorostitute after a Tuesday night at Quinton's."


---

The current Pitch has an article about a KC art exhibition by Ryan Drake called "Saints of Capitalism," which sounds very important:

"Ryan's paintings are corporate and financial types, like Ben Bernanke, Henry Paulsen, Rupert Murdoch--there's a great portrait of Alan Greenspan with Paris Hilton, in a state of undress, on his lap. There's a big Ronald McDonald painting done in a Hindu painting style, and he's being humped by the Hamburglar."

Richard: "Actually, I'm more excited about this than anything since Zaguar's collage exhibition. Almost certainly art."

Chip: "When we see the Hamburglar fucking Ronald McDonald it opens our eyes to the way that corporations themselves are ironically exploited by their own iconography, forever enslaved and unable to transcend earlier business models despite the dictates of a changing global economy. Just kidding, folks. This is not art."

Sadly, we are unable to locate photos of this exhibition on-line, but you can see them at KC's Late Show Gallery.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

This Week in Sports News / This Week in Local Crime / Dumb Band Name of the Day!

Two interesting sports story have entered the news in the past few days.

1) Tyshawn Tayl.r, apparently up to his usual tricks of saying stupid shit in Facebook statuses, has had his account permanently taken away by the athletics department. Is this even legal? Coach S.lf seems so annoyed by Tayl.r's on-line proclivities he can't even speak in complete sentences in interviews:

“Some of the things posted on Facebook ... I heard yesterday somebody reported on Facebook, but didn’t even know the exact deal, what they were reporting" (LJ-World).

2) Jimmy Tucker, AKA "White Owl," beloved local sports fanatic, has been banned from the KU campus after being convicted of violating a non-KU-related restraining order. Is this even legal?

Richard: "Dumb move on KU's part. White Owl is good for business. Every time I see that crazy hippie loudly and inanely professing his love for KU on Wescoe Beach I end up buying a new piece of KU-related merchandise. But sometimes I buy it at Joe College. So I guess maybe he's not good for business after all."

---

Larryville's increasingly bizarre crime wave continued early this week with a robbery at Great Harvest Bread Company (leading to a string of "How much dough was stolen?" jokes among on-line talkbackers) as well as an incident at Redbud Lane that led to this headline: "Man With Sword Subdued with Taser."

“It was a good example of the Taser doing exactly what it was supposed to do,” [Police Sgt.] Thomas said." (LJ-World).

Richard: "It's easy to make jokes, but I fear we're heading toward a war between the local sword-wielding methheads and the local drunks whose weapon of choice is cue balls wrapped in Crown Royal bags. Will police tasers be enough to keep things under control?"

---

The Jackpot brings UUVVWWZ to town tonight. Lawrence.com says: "UUVVWWZ is the latest buzz maker from Lincoln, Neb. Pronounced “double U, double V, double W … Z,” the group has been called everything from avant-rock to power-jazz, drawing comparisons to Captain Beefheart, Deerhoof and even Bow Wow Wow."

Chip: "It's really fairly easy to say once you practice it a few times, but I still don't give a fuck."

Richard: "Don't be too hasty, Chip. Their Myspace picture is pretty cute:

Friday, January 22, 2010

Website Pick of the Weekend: www.fratmusic.com / Hipster Band of the Day: Pet Comfort

If you're a fratboy, you've got a lot to do, such as pounding Jagermeister shots and pounding sorostitutes. Certainly you don't have time to create your own mix-CD to complement your many activities.

Luckily, www.fratmusic.com can take care of that for you. Thanks to yesterday's Jayplay for tipping us off to this site which contains a variety of playlists suitable for any occasion. The "After Party" mix, for instance, contains gems such as "I Wanna Fuck You Dirty" by Akon and Snoop Dog's "Sexual Seduction." Other mixes include "Bro'ing Out" and the "Throwback Rap Mix." Sure, the site caters to a very particular demographic, but these easy pre-mixed playlists might occasionally prove useful to the rest of us as well.

King Tosser: "My 'after parties' are about to get a whole lot sexier!"

Chip: "The 'For the ladies' playlist is about to become the official soundtrack to my sex life."

Richard: "Personally, I'm skeptical of the site. Some of the playlists don't contain a single Dave Matthews Band or Jack Johnson tune, obviously making them ill-suited to frat boys, and one of them contains The Band's "The Weight." If you can find me a single frat boy who knows who The Band is, I'll...do a fucking Jaeger shot with him."

---

KC's Pet Comfort takes the stage at the Taproom tonight, which must mean they are hip, although the Pitch's description of their sound is a bit vague:

"...accessible enough for a suburban sports-bar crowd yet complex enough to intrigue people who live and breathe rock and roll."

Chip: "I'll consider checking them out...when they play at a suburban sports bar."

Richard: I find their Myspace logo adorable, so I might head to the TapRoom."


Thursday, January 21, 2010

This Week in Homeless News / Style Scout! / Also: The Boys Consider "Objectum Sexuals!"

Now that the (usually more) progressive EastSide has defeated the proposed new homeless shelter in the former Don's Steakhouse building, a new site has been proposed: a renovated warehouse near the Douglas County Jail.

Chip: "Why can't we just put them IN the jail."

The LJ-World talkbacks on the subject are, of course, abuzz, and "Somedude20" has a comment that's even funnier than Chip's: "put the bums in one of those schools that will shut down. maybe leave them a few books so they can make a fire. they can eat all of the gum that is stuck on the floors and walls. win win."

---

The boys love Thursdays because that's when new Style Scout columns appear on Lawrence.com, and today's Scouts are especially excellent (probably because they were scouted by Katy Seib.l).

Lisa Roberts, 25, describes her look as "Townie trash meets Rihanna's spirit
animal,"
and cites her fashion influences as "Klaus Nomi, drunk housewives that pop pills in their underwear, deer hides and Rihanna, of course.".

Honorable Reverend H: "I think I met this woman at Harbour Lights."

Lisa's least favorite fashion trends are "Polyester kimono blouses, capri pants, contrived punk rock style and Ugg boots worn with no pants and oversize shirts."

Ladies and gents, take a look. Is her own look in any way "contrived," and do you think that jar contains urine or moonshine? (click to enlarge).





















Also scouted today is Jim Dandy (is that his real name?), 23, an employee of Milton's and the Pig who describes his style as "nice" and "presentable" (Chip: "Wrong on both counts.").

Richard: "I'll likely purchase a beer from Jim Dandy at the Pig this weekend, so I'm going to refrain from making any snarky remarks, but I'm certainly going to ask where he got that red button which I believe says 'I'm dorky.' Click to enlarge and see if I'm right."





















---

The boys television pick of the day is a BBC documentary called Strange Love: Married to the Eiffel Tower, which explores "objectum sexuals, people who fall in love with objects like fences and amusement park rides, (one woman even married the Eiffel Tower). And they have sex...On their one-year anniversary, Erika goes back to visit the Eiffel Tower to consummate their marriage. She lifts up her skirt, and straddles one of the beams with "no barrier" between them. (www.jezebel.com).

All of the profiled subjects on the show are women. But can men also be "objectum sexuals?"

Chip: "I certainly think so. For instance, I have an intense attraction to the physical space of Quinton's Bar and Deli and would totally make love to that building if I find a nice-sized hole in its exterior."

The documentary airs tonight at 7:00 and Richard will be hosting a watch-party.

Check out an article here for a link to watch the documentary on-line:

http://jezebel.com/5146666/objectum-sexuality-when-relationships-with-inanimate-objects-become-intimate

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The Boys Contemplate the New Phenomenon of "Avatar Depression"

James Cameron's Avatar 3D continues to shatter box-office records (it has now bumped Star Wars out of the #3 spot in all-time domestic box office grosses, leaving only Dark Knight and Cameron's own Titanic ahead of it).

But along with the thrill of ridiculous blue Na'vis cavorting about on magical alien horses to which they bond by connecting their hair comes a real problem: some fans have become so obsessed by Cameron's immersive 3D environment that they claim to be experiencing "Avatar depression," a terrible dissatisfaction with the real world that occurs following their visits to Cameron's Pandora.

A CNN report explains:

"On the fan forum site "Avatar Forums," a topic thread entitled "Ways to cope with the depression of the dream of Pandora being intangible," has received more than 1,000 posts from people experiencing depression and fans trying to help them cope. The topic became so popular last month that forum administrator Philippe Baghdassarian had to create a second thread so people could continue to post their confused feelings about the movie."

Richard: "I also have 'confused feelings' about this film, such as WHY is it so fucking popular?"

Chip: "Can't this 'depression' be attributed to the love of any film? I mean, after I spend an afternoon watching porn, I'm depressed that I'm not banging three chicks at once."

The article also offers quotes from the Avatar message boards, such as this one from "Eltu":

"When I woke up this morning after watching Avatar for the first time yesterday, the world seemed ... gray. It was like my whole life, everything I've done and worked for, lost its meaning. It just seems so ... meaningless. I still don't really see any reason to keep ... doing things at all. I live in a dying world."

Chip: "Wow, these Avatards are really sad, aren't they?"

Richard: "They sure are, Chip, and I don't want our readers to think that we don't sympathize with sad geeks, because we do. But at the same time I think they should just get over their 'Avatar depression' by doing what the rest of us geeks do, which is moving on to the next shitty fantasy film, such as Denzel's post-apocalyptic Book of Eli and maybe this weekend's flick about angry killer angels who come to Earth to wreak havoc."

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

A Kansas City Blog Becomes...a "One-Woman Show" / And The Boys Check out KC's "Ink" Magazine

Readers, we all know that blogs occasionally become books ("Stuff White People Like"). And occasionally they become books that are turned into movies (Julie and Julia). And now we have a local writer/actress named Lyndsey in Kansas City who has turned her blog, The Man Fast, into a one-woman stage show.

As best as we can tell (from a quick perusal) the oddly title The Man Fast, with its tagline: "I was never very good at sticking to a diet," is a pretty standard (and not particularly well-written) relationship blog about being single in KC.

Here's an excerpt from a recent entry:

"I am pouting. He has gone and left me alone on a Monday night. How dare he? Is Thailand really so much cooler than me???? Okay, it probably is, but the thought of two months without not-so-gay-gay-best-friend chat, PBR and waffle fries makes me a little dismayed. Who else can I snort in front of or berate for being too damn nice?"

Richard: "There's just something inherently dramatic about an evening of PBR and waffle fries that begs to be staged, and I'm sorry I missed her show. Luckily, it's given me the idea of writing a play based on the Larryville Chronicles. I really think my work here would lend itself quite well to the stage, with various readings by Chip and myself as well as audience participation segments of 'Is it art, or isn't it?' and 'Country Corner,' in which we play country songs and improv our analysis live on the spot. Of course, we'd invite the Transmittens as the house band."

Chip: "But how can I participate, being a fictional character and all?"

Richard: "Good point, but I guess I might ask my friend Kip to play your role."

Check out The Man Fast at www.themanfast.blogspot.com/


















---

The boys are loyal, long-time readers of KC's PitchWeekly, but they've also become fans of KC's new cultural guide, Ink, in recent months (www.inkkc.com).

One especially interesting feature is Ink's "hottest reader" contest, which was won by Amanda Johnson, 26, who's as "comfortable sipping martinis at The Drop as she is drinking Miller High Life and watching football at Charlie Hooper’s." Does she look comfortable eating this ice-cream cone? Check her out below, and send your own hot pictures (ladies only, please) to Chip and Richard for possible inclusion in our upcoming "babes of the LC" feature.

Monday, January 18, 2010

This Week in Public Transportation News!

An article in today's LJ-World explains how the T's recent partnership with KU on Wheels has led to consideration of a new "branding scheme," in which the T may "find itself depicted in KU's pervasive Trajan font."

Is this a good idea?

Chip: "Do we really want our beloved university further linked to a system that mainly consists of homeless guys who occasionally pull their dicks out and show them to passengers."

Richard: "Well, let's not forget that KU's own Sherron C.llins is also forever linked to similar behavior, albeit on an elevator."

Chip: "But an elevator is a 'private' space!"

Richard: "If they really want to increase ridership, I think they should play up the KU partnership in more ways than just a font change. For instance, why not have basketball players occasionally on board to host tours of the city? I'd totally pay a fee to have that man-child known as the 'The Sherriff' tell me about the various things he's witnessed at Brothers. And why can't sorostitutes walk around serving refreshments?"

If you don't like Richard's ideas, local transit officials have scheduled seven (!) "open houses" over the next two weeks to discuss various proposals for how the service can better help the community. You should certainly attend. One of the ideas is for "smaller van-like vehicles dispatched to provide 'curb-to-curb' service" (LJ-World).

Chip: "Oh, I think I've heard of a service like that before. It's called a fucking taxi!"

Sunday, January 17, 2010

The Boys Consider KJHK's New Studio!

For 35 years, Larryville hipsters have been getting hip with KJHK, the student-run radio station broadcasting out of KU's Sudler Annex, more commonly termed "the Shack." But that's about to change soon: KJHK is soon to move into swanky new digs on the fourth floor of the Kansas Union. Can it retain its hipness?

Last week's Jayplay offers a loving tribute to "the Shack," noting great moments in the station's history such as this one:

"In 1978, a staff member read a false news report that a nuclear attack on Waterloo, Iowa, had killed 15,000 people. The story was written as a joke by another staff member."

Chip: "Hilarious!"

The piece also provides a vivid description of "the Shack's" interior:

"The shack harbors years of music history on its walls. Current and former students have expressed their creativity, or boredom in the form of graffiti. Dirty pictures and strong opinions such as “Indie is shit,” cover the walls."

Chip: "Why would indie-loving hipster DJ's write 'indie is shit' on the wall? That would be like me going into Quinton's and writing 'Titties are boring.'"

Richard: "The best thing on KJHK right now is the 'Kansas in Heat' sex advice show. You should probably connect with them on Facebook, but it looks like Dr. C. missed their recent episode devoted to the new British study regarding the G-spot:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Lawrence-KS/Kansas-in-Heat/102555476699

Chip: "With the help of these sexually-knowledgeable hipsters, one of these days I'll find that spot!"

Saturday, January 16, 2010

The Boys' Guide to Fine Dining: Pachamama's "Corn Dog" / And a Major Hipster Announcement!

The boys have developed rather sophisticated palates over their years in Larryville, but they still have a fondness for the foods of their youth. Therefore, they were very excited upon hearing that downtown's bastion of fine dining, Pachamama's, was adding a "corn dog" to its menu.

Let's take a look at the Pitch's description:

"What was once adored primarily by small children has drifted from the carnival midway to better restaurants and cafes, although not every chef wants to be limited to a weiner. Pachama's Baker uses pieces of duck meat -- a bit too chewy, I might add -- skewered and dipped in cornmeal batter, deep-fried and served with a satiny blueberry confit."

Chip: "You can't put a duck in a corn dog, foodies!"

Richard: "I'm guessing it costs $24 dollars."

Honorable Reverend H, Eastsider: "I'd gladly pay $24 dollars for a corn dog IF it were being cooked by Robert Krause at Dempsey's."

---

The most important local hipster announcement of 2010 thus far is that new hipster buzz-band Surfer Blood will rock the Replay on March 13 (on their way to SXSW in Austin). Pitchfork chooses their single "Swim (To Reach the End)" as #37 in their "100 best tracks of 09" list, writing:

"Fuck Tim Tebow-- in the past few years, the greatest act of public service from University of Florida students was committed when Surfer Blood changed their name and spared us the indignity of having to say 2009's best piece of Weezer-esque power-pop came from a band called Jabroni Sandwich."

Chip: "I'd rather eat a Jabroni Sandwich than a duck corn dog."

Richard: "I prefer their song 'Floating Vibes.' Check them out here:

http://www.myspace.com/surferblood






Friday, January 15, 2010

The Boys Consider Larryville's New Snow Shoveling Policies / Plus, Pothead Pick of the Week!

Certainly the most-debated topic on the LJ-World's message boards thus far in 2010 has been the city's decision to ticket citizens who do not shovel their sidewalks within 48 hours of a snowstorm (relying, more or less, on a "squeal on your neighbor" policy to ascertain who deserves tickets while leaving thousands of other uncleared-sidewalk-owners unticketed).

Chip: "The policy raises fascinating questions about our definitions of 'public' and 'private.' Sure, when the city wants the snow to be cleared, it's MY sidewalk. But when I want to set out a bear trap, baited with PBR, to catch some of the pesky neighborhood hipsters, it's suddenly 'public' property again. Can someone explain this to me?"

Richard: "Being a non-sidewalk-owning apartment dweller, I love the new policy, and have had a lot of fun ratting out my enemies and watching them get ticketed."

---

If you're a Larryville hippie, you've likely spent most of the week smoking up (possibly with K2) and listening to the Flaming Lips' track-by-track "reimagining" of Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon (perhaps while watching Wizard of Oz).

The Pitch's Jason Harper offers a fun review:

"There's a bit too much reliance on frog-fart fuzz bass ("Money" is downright flatulent), but because the Flaming Lips are masters of psychedelic inversion, there are few moments that don't live up to the promise of a blissfully whacked-out trip. Try not to knock over the bong when screams blast through the freakish climax of "Great Gig in the Sky."

Chip: "What's a bong?"

Thursday, January 14, 2010

The First Cougar Story of 2010! / And the Boys Discover an Adorable New Hipster Band!

Sure, "cougar" is an overused word that probably belongs on Lake Superior State University's list, but let's admit it: some of you have been waiting for another cougar story on the LC.

Well, let's have at it.

It has recently come to the boys' attention that several cruise companies have been booking special "cougar cruises" in which cubs and cougars can frolic together on the open seas. The first such cruise, sponsored by Carnival Cruises, set sail in December and, although Carnival has made a "business decision" not to book another, several other companies are already organizing such cruises for this year.

Will the boys be setting sail?

Richard: "You bet! And I'll be banging cougars in a hot tub while wearing a Captain Stubing hat and singing the theme from The Love Boat."

Chip: "I'm hoping to roleplay some Gilligan/MaryAnne fantasies. Maybe Ginger as well. And I'll request that all the women on board call me 'Little Buddy.'"

---

With no Transmittens' gigs on the horizon, the boys have been looking for another band to provide them with the Casio-driven cuteness they so dearly crave. Have they found such a band in Oklahoma's Kite Flying Robot, which is slated to appear at the Jackpot in Larryville this Saturday? Perhaps.

Let's take a look at a few reviews from the band's Myspace page:

"...sounds like a textured, casio driven fun-fest with a horn section! Bass, drum machine, velvety David Byrne-esque vocals…who could ask for more? Sounds like: Falling down a retro, neon-streaked rabbit hole." --Independent Cause: Tulsa's Independent Music Blog

"Synth pop for your old school Nintendo, upbeat, sad at times, dancy, and imported from the 80's." --Windmill Pub, London UK

And the band's own bio:

"Originally begun in 2006 in San Francisco, Kite Flying Robot has gone from a one man multimedia art project to a full band synth-explosion dance party."

Chip: "I was totally on board until the 'art project' reference, but wait, oh, I do like their Myspace picture of two of the band members brushing their teeth together."

Richard: Please go to their Myspace and listen to 'Dinosaurs on the Wing.' This is damn near Transmittens-level adorableness. http://www.myspace.com/kiteflyingrobot

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

The Boys Check out Lake Superior State University's Annual List of "Banished Words" / Also: The Boys Consider K2: "Synthetic Weed!"

The boys try to keep their vocabularies as fresh as their fashion choices, so they always make sure to pay close attention to Lake Superior State University's annual list of overused and/or misused words.

Here are a few on the list this year:

sexting
teachable moment
bromance
app


Chip: "I might stop using the word 'sexting,' but I won't stop doing it. I'll just call it 'text-fucking.'"

Richard: "I too find it a pleasant diversion and one of the few legitimate reasons to text anyone. Now as for 'bromance,' I've learned a lot from Apatow's films and won't deny they've served as an influence on this blog, but I suppose it IS time for a new kind of comedy. Has anyone fully captured the hipsterism of the 00's on screen in all its glory in the nostalgic manner that Dazed and Confused nails the '70's and Adventureland captures the 80's? I don't think so, and I plan to devote much of this year to writing a screenplay about Midwest hipster culture."

Chip: "Will the film contain any 'teachable moments,' such as when the PBR-swilling hero realizes he's wasted a lot of his life at the Replay watching Transmittens shows instead of doing something to better the world?"

Richard: "Probably."

---

Marijuana may not be legal yet in Larryville, but the legal substance known as K2, a kind of "synthetic weed," has become so popular in Kansas recently that Republican legislators have drafted a law to ban it. K2 can currently be purchased for $15 bucks a bag at Larryville head shops, and Richard hung out last night at Quinton's with a K2 fan who spoke of his experience standing in a long line of middle-aged, middle-class men on the day after Christmas to procure it. He attributed its popularity among this particular demographic to the fact that K2 doesn't show up during drug-tests at work.

The Pitch's intrepid investigative journalists have published a nice piece in which they all get "high" off K2 and discuss its affects.

Here's an excerpt:

"As a sometimes-to-moderate pot smoker, I think K2's high is pretty comparable to the buzz you get from smoking a oney of middies... When the high set in, the world seemed to tick a bit slower, and, shit, if everything wasn't funny as hell...Best part: you know it's not blood pot from a Mexican drug cartel, like most of the brick-weed up in this city. I'll definitely smoke it again" (Pitch).

Richard: "I'm going to get my K2 on and see if Avatar is better this way! It can't be worse."

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The Boys' Book Club Reads a Young-Adult Fantasy Novel Set in...Larryville! / Also: Pitchfork Reviews the new Vampire Weekend Album

Readers, perhaps you remember our own ill-fated fantasy series Harry Lupus, which followed the teenage sexploits of one red-blooded American wereboy as he navigated his way among Larryville's hipsters and hippies. You all hated it, and we never scored the book contract we so dearly wanted.

Well, we may have failed, but Larryville writer/illustrator John Ralston has succeeded. His work, The Secret of Invisibility, "follows a 10-year-old boy named Thomas Wax who moves to Lawrence from Kansas City and discovers a mysterious scroll in the attic of his new house" (Lawrence.com).

In a typically condescending interview, Lawrence.com writer Gavon Laess.g asks Ralston about his use of Larryville as a backdrop for the story's adventures and receives this explanation:

"It's not a Bizarro Lawrence but an Earth 2 Lawrence. The main characters, for example, get scared and run away at one point and end up in a slummy area that Lawrence doesn't really have."

Chip: "Obviously, Ralston has never visited East or North Lawrence."

Ralston seems like a smart-enough fellow, but Laess.g's heart doesn't seem to be in the interview, as he is more interested in writing articles about his own experiences, such as this week's exhaustive report on his recent chest-waxing, which features the following (graphic) photos:











Chip: "It's just weird to see a hairless hipster.


---

Most hipsters predicted a major sophomore-slump (if not a total disappearance) for the band Vampire Weekend, but this is proving not to be the case. Their follow up, Contra, is even earning raves from Pitchfork, which bestows a very-high 8.6 on the record, calling the band "more digestible than Dirty Projectors but also more exciting than the relentlessly sophisticated Grizzly Bear."

Here's an excerpt from the review:

"Ezra isn't writing about college or Northeastern geography anymore (terrific), but the loud nouns are still there. Take "California English": "Sweet carob rice cakes, you don't care how the sweets taste/ Fake Philly cheesesteak but you use real toothpaste/ 'Cause if that Tom's don't work, if it just makes you worse/ Would you still lose all of your faith in the good earth?"

Chip: "What the fuck is a 'loud noun?'"

Richard: "I was planning to interpret those lyrics in a hilarious manner, but I truly don't understand them enough to make fun of them properly. I'll stick with the relentless sophistication of Grizzly Bear."

Monday, January 11, 2010

The Boys Check In With PitchWeekly's Concert Reviews

Larryville's Rooftop Vigilantes are so buzzworthy these days that the Pitch recently sent over one of their KC correspondents to check them out on a bitterly cold evening at the Replay.

Here are a few choice quotes from the review:

"Seeing Rooftop Vigilantes at the Replay Lounge is like seeing a panda in its native China chomping on bamboo in a forest. It's a natural habitat: a terrarium of indie rock."

Chip: "The difference is that, unlike wild animals, the Vigilantes don't have to remain in their 'terrarium' and are instead allowed to roam freely around Larryville, frightening the rest of us."

"Rooftop Vigilantes closed with their ramshackle cover of the Replacements' "Can't Hardly Wait," which always incites toasting and woo-ing from the members of the audience familiar with the song and probably convinces those who aren't that it's a damn fine original."

Richard: "Is it possible that anyone at the Replay at that hour of the evening would NOT be familiar with that song and, if so, why were they allowed in the Replay in the first place? That seems like a lapse in hipster security more shocking than the 'underwear bomber.'"

"The most notable change in Rooftop Vigilantes' stage show is that you can finally hear Hannah Hyde's farfisa."

King Tosser: "Part of the RV's considerable charm, for me, has always been that the pretty girl's stately keyboards were completely obscured by the ruckus surrounding her. This seems a step in the wrong direction."

The Honorable Reverend C: "I'd consider giving them another chance if they'd guarantee I could hear the farfisa."

Richard: "I've still never actually seen the Vigilantes, though I've seen at least eight other bands that seem to consist of the same members."

Chip: "Who are these other characters on the blog? They won't be stealing my sex jokes will they? And what the hell is a farfisa? I thought it was a female body part. Or am I thinking about a 'clitoris?"

Sunday, January 10, 2010

The Boys Check In With Style Scout to Figure out What's "In" In 2010!

Larryville barely has any black people, much less any black hipsters (well, there is that one dude at the Replay...you know the one we mean...with the cowboy hat and never without a Bud Light bottle in his hand...that dude is pretty cool). But the most recent "Style Scout" at Lawrence.com (scouted by LC-favorite Katy Seib.l, who is still hot in 2010!) offers us a rare look at one local African-American hip-hop DJ/Toy Store employee.

Phil Canty, who "enjoy[s] heather grey tops and colored socks," offers up some of our personal favorite answers to the Scout's perennial questions of what he wants to see more and less of in Larryville.

Phil would like to see more "Brown people and more girls in suspenders and bow ties. I think unisex is always kind of hot. Mullets on boys and girls. Also, more people in unwashed/raw denim. I'm tired of seeing whiskers and light fades. Lastly, real fur is always dope, despite what might be hip in Lawrence."

Chip: "He's right about mullets, but unisex fashion sometimes confuses my boners."

And what does Phil want less of in Larryville? "I'd like to see less dirty dudes with flannel thinking they're fly and hating frat dudes feeling entitled. I feel like since there are so many like them, they feel like it's hot. Wrong. On the flip side, I'd like to see less people pretending they're being modest. Don't masquerade. Ball out and be proud."

Richard: " 'Ball out and be proud' is also the official motto of the LC in 2010."

Ladies, is Phil fashionable, or isn't he?

Saturday, January 9, 2010

This Week in Sports News: A Coach Self Website and Twitter Feed!

The boys are certainly excited about Coach Self's new website (www.billself.com) and Twitter feed (www.twitter.com/coachbillself -- Tweets start on Monday!).

Among the special features slated for the website is a weekly Q and A with the coach Himself.

Chip: "I'm going to ask him if he remembers that time we took a leak together at the Yacht Club."

Richard: "I'm going to tweet him and try to recruit him to the cause of getting the State of the Union address rescheduled so we can see the premiere of Lost at its originally scheduled time."

The website contains useful links to important information such as this recent video of Mario Little interviewing Self about his favorite Christmas songs (a video which reveals that Little has apparently never heard of Bruce Springsteen):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UefSMEADvlE

Friday, January 8, 2010

Geek Uproar of the Week / Hipster Pick of the Day

Readers, if you are a geek, you're most likely in a panic right now, because the State of the Union address is slated to be scheduled for February 2 which means, of course, that it will replace and postpone the premiere of the final season of Lost.

So, the first thing you need to do is join the Twitter campaign to move the State of the Union address to a time more acceptable to geeks (such as during Grey's Anatomy). You'll find like-minded folks at the hashtags #NoStateofUnionFeb2 and #JacobWantsUsToMoveTheWhiteHouse, where fanboys with names like John_Locke are writing: "Damn right. Im gonna crush if they fuck with #LOST."

Chip: "Lost is terrible, but I can understand the fans' anger on some level. I wouldn't be happy if the address replaced, for instance, Steven Seagal: Lawman."

---

For PBR-fortified hipsters braving the subzero windchills tonight, there are several options. The ever-popular Rooftop Vigilantes are at the Replay, but perhaps the more unusual show is at the TapRoom: a tribute to Fleetwood Mac performed by members of Ghosty and other area bands. Do hipsters like Fleetwood Mac even though the band is pretty much embraced across the board?

Richard: "Well, only the early stuff with Peter Green. We'll step out for smoke breaks during Don't Stop. And hopefully they'll find a good choice to sing Stevie. Suzannes Johannes, I'm guessing."

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Is It Art, or Isn't It? (Is Back in 2010!).

The Kansas city artist known as DBJ is renowned for his annual massive "snow creations." This year's is called "B-Lizard" (get it: blizzard! photo below). DBJ describes his process in the Pitch:

"What I love about snow creating is that it gives me the opportunity to not only share something with the community on a wide level, but also to give something away. That 'something' is in terms of creativity, inspiration and the fact that the art will eventually go away."

Chip: "Hmmm...in Forttt Scottt, 'snow art' simply means pissing your name in the snow. But I think I like this kind of snow art, simply because it does go away. Most art is so frustratingly permanent."

Richard: "I'm sculpting a sorostitute (a snow-rostitute, get it!) in my parking lot, but don't try to bang her, Chip, or your cock might freeze."


Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The Boys Examine The Satirical Hipster Website "Hipster Runoff"

Recently we were alerted to the existence of a website called "Hipster Runoff," described on the interweb as "a satirical site written in the voice of a faux-hipster ironically detached blogger" named Carles (whose real identity is unknown):

"Carles has made a name for himself by pointing out that our fascination with making sense of our own cultural obsessions and hatreds is a bunch of circular nonsense, doing so through a “No, I’m serious” blogger persona that personifies “meta-satire.” The best part is that half his audience doesn’t even realize it, and the other half is all too aware."

Richard: "Damn, I thought I had the market cornered on this schtick!"

One of Hipster Runoff's most "infamous" pieces, according to interweb research, is called "Animal Collective is a Band Created By/For/On the Internet." Here's a brief excerpt:

"I listen to the Animal Collectives on a weekly basis. I think I ‘like’ them because they are differentiated from ‘traditional music’ and ‘modern indie music.’ When I listen to them, I exist on a higher plane of musical appreciation and consume products for ‘all the right reasons.’...When I first started listening to Animal Collective, they had a smaller following, and playing them in my car for a group of friends was often met with a lot of ‘what is this krazie noise, yall?’s. Back then, AnCo was way more acoustic/conceptual/NOISECORE/lofi/etc. These days, they are a bit more electro conceptual tribal."

Richard: "I do like the deadpan style, where the 'jokes' don't immediately reveal themselves as 'jokes.' But what this blog seems to lack is a 'Chip.'"

Chip: "I'm used primarily to add dick jokes."

Check out Hipster Runoff's Animal Collective piece here (but please don't abandon the LC in favor of Carles!):

http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/01/animal-collective-is-a-band-created-byforon-the-internet.html

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Geek Pick of the Week: The New A-Team Trailer!

Now that the geeks of the world have had their eyeballs well and truly fucked (several times) by Avatar 3D, they need something else to geek out about. This week's choice: the trailer for the remake of The A-Team (which will star Liam Neeson as Hannibal, Bradley Cooper as Face, and some dude that sort of looks like Mr. T. as B.A Baracus). The trailer doesn't hit until this weekend, but the fanboys already have opinions (as they always do). Let's check out a few from Aint It Cool News:

Conspiracy says: "This is the era of One Shot One Kill...doing an area suppression fire and offloading 5000 rounds without a single inflicted casualty won't fly for the kiddies in 2010."

Geektard_Smasher says: "I hope they don't fuck this up like they did with Dukes of Hazzard, Starsky and Hutch, Miami Vice, Beverly Hillbillies...my childhood can't take much more Hollywood gang rape..."

TheCreepyThinMan says: "SEX AND THE CITY SEQUEL BEING MADE? CALL THE A-TEAM!!! They'll fuck those shoe obsessed whores into submission and ride Sarah Jessica Parker into the sunset!!!YEEHAW!!!

And what about the boys?

Richard: "I'll see it, but what I really want is a BJ and the Bear movie. We haven't had a good old-fashioned monkey-sidekick feature in awhile now."

Chip: "I'd like to see a big-screen version of The Misadventures of Sheriff Lobo, starring Seth Rogen as Sheriff Lobo."

Monday, January 4, 2010

The Boys Consider the State of Contemporary Literary Sex Scenes

Readers, perhaps you read Katie Roiphe's fascinating piece in the NY-Times Book Review yesterday, "The Naked and the Conflicted," which considers the relative lack of explicit sex in the work of contemporary (often hipster) writers such as Jonathan Safran Foer and Michael Chabon as compared to the frequent, graphic sexuality of mid-century male novelists such as Updike, Roth, and Bellow. Speaking of Updike et al, Roiphe writes: "It has become popular to denounce those authors, and more particularly to deride the sex scenes in their novels." (Indeed, when Richard recently taught one of Updike's Rabbit novels, an opening day question from an astute--female--student was: "Why does he need to use the word 'cunt' so much?").

Roiphe's piece ultimately serves as a defense of these often-derided authors: "In contrast to their cautious, entangled, ambivalent, endlessly ironic heirs, there is something almost romantic in the old guard’s view of sex: it has a mystery and a power, at least. It makes things happen."

Roiphe offers numerous examples to illustrate that today's "younger writers are so self-­conscious, so steeped in a certain kind of liberal education, that their characters can’t condone even their own sexual impulses; they are, in short, too cool for sex": "Prototypical is a scene in Dave Eggers’s road trip novel, “You Shall Know Our Velocity,” where the hero leaves a disco with a woman and she undresses and climbs on top of him, and they just lie there: “Her weight was the ideal weight and I was warm and wanted her to be warm."

What do the boys' think?

Chip: "This proves once and for all that hipsters can make anything boring, even fucking. Still, there's something tender in the Eggers' passage that gives me a mild boner."

Richard: "I'm totally using this article in my Intro to Fiction course."

Read it here:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/03/books/review/Roiphe-t.html?pagewanted=all

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Website of the Week: "Hipster Wife Hunting!"

We've showcased various hipster websites in the past, from the hilarious photos of Look At This Fucking Hipster (www.latfh.com) to the often-disturbing pornographic site Look at this Hipster Fucking (http://lookatthishipsterfucking.tumblr.com/), which has resurfaced for the holidays with some great lesbian shots accompanied by this caption: "We should always do it in photographer’s beds. Because I’m gonna get your dye job all over this artfully tousled duvet."

Now, thanks to intrepid hipster-spotter Brian, we'd like to direct you to a website called "Hipster Wife Hunting" (www.hipsterwifehunting.com), which profiles sexy hipster checks both famous and not famous (they include various profiles and "reader submissions" of "normal" hipster women from across the nation). The women are rated on a PBR-scale (didn't Richard invent that a long time ago?).

The site's newest "celebrity crushes" are Haley Dekle of the Dirty Projectors ("That girl is radiant as fuck.") and Brooklyn filmmaker Sarah Lipstate (pictured below), who is deemed as tying with Portia de Rossi for "sexiest lesbian of all time."
















Richard: "I'm 90% certain I'll find my wife using this site."

Chip: "I've heard there are other sites where you can just order yourself a Russian chick? Is that true? Why don't we order some?"

Saturday, January 2, 2010

First Crime of the New Year! / Plus: Out With The Old, In With the New (Joe College-Style!)

Readers, according to our "Hot Mormon Muffins" calendar, 2010 is officially underway, so it must be time to reopen for business here at the LC.

After last year's rising crime rate, we hoped that this year might get off to a more sedate beginning, but it seems that the New Year kicked off with a good old-fashioned bar brawl at none other than Quinton's Bar and Deli!

Let's take a look at the LJ-World report:

"Officers were dispatched about 11:58 p.m. to the downtown bar after a fight had broken out... Before police arrived at the scene, a 24-year-old Overland Park woman was reportedly dancing on one of the tables inside the establishment. When told by another person in the bar that her behavior wasn’t appropriate, the woman began fighting. One of her friends, a 23-year-old Lenexa man, joined her in the fight as the two were being removed from the bar. The man grabbed a chair and threw it, striking two people. The woman was arrested for battery, and the man was arrested on two counts of aggravated battery."

Richard: "First off, what kind of person at Quinton's at midnight on New Year's Eve would find table-dancing to be inappropriate behavior?"

Chip: "I have a recurring dream about women fighting at Quinton's, but in that dream they are all naked, gloriously naked."

---

Former KU football coach Mark Mang.no was a consistent cash-cow for controversial downtown T-shirt shop Joe College throughout his reign (surely you own either an "Our Coach is Phat" or a "Our Coach Can Eat your Coach" T-shirt, don't you? Chip: "I own both."). Ever-classy, Joe College has decided to cash in once more on the departing big man. Here's a photo:
















And speaking of photos, today's LJ-World offers their annual "Best Photos of the Year" issue, which features a diverse selection that ranges from an old man washing his tractor at a car wash to a young boy in a tie posing with a tractor he rebuilt himself.

Their selections also feature one of our personal favorite, which we showcased here on July 15, 2009. It's a woman rescuing a baby racoon from a trash truck.

















Chip: "That little fucker just looks so startled! It cracks me up every time."